Soft Discipline: Finding Balance In Life With Tannaz Hosseinpour

Nick McGowan (00:01.375)
Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show we have Tannaz Hosseinpour. Tannaz, how you doing today?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (00:12.206)
How are you, Nick?

Nick McGowan (00:13.887)
I’m good. I’m excited for us to get into things we’re going to talk about some of the main things. And one of the big reasons why I wanted to have you on was to be able to talk about the nervous system. I it’s a thing that a lot of us understand as a part of our body, but don’t actually understand how it relates to the way that we interact with the world and the things that we do. It’s almost like we can just be mindlessly moving through and just be like, I’m grumpy and I have no idea or whatever. So

there’s that and there’s other things that we’re to be able to get into but wanted to kick us off tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (00:49.006)
Okay, let’s get started. So I’m Tanasu Sampoor. I am a relationship coach. My background was actually in dispute resolution law. So I was more on the reactive side of relationships. And around eight years ago, I decided to do a 180 and get on the proactive side. And that’s kind of how I ended up in coaching. And then I wanted to take it a step further. So I got my third master’s degree in counseling psychotherapy to kind of have more tools at my disposal when I’m helping

both individuals and couples create and cultivate healthier relationships with themselves and with others. So that’s what I’ve been doing over the past eight years. And something interesting that no one really knows is I am petrified of heights, but I have my private pilot license. And I got the license and I never again got on a plane.

Nick McGowan (01:47.028)
So you have to put in hours to be able to actually get the license. How did you do through the like 100 hours or whatever it was?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (01:54.102)
it was horrible. I would get motion sickness. And I remember my instructor was like, listen, this is not for you. And I’m like, no, I don’t quit. Like, I will do it till the last minute. And you know, I’ve always just been a student at heart. I have like, two undergraduate degrees, I three master’s degrees, have over 10 university certification degrees. So

For me, it was like, if I start studying something, I’m going to finish it, even if it sucks. And I really, really believe in discipline over motivation, because motivation ebbs and flows. But discipline is your commitment. It’s your craft. It’s a form of respect that you have for the world that you live in. I’m going to do my best. So yeah, but never again. I’m not getting on a plane.

Nick McGowan (02:43.113)
Well, like with all things, I think there’s balance to it as well. You know, somebody could say, I’m really disciplined and be toxic with it. And they could just do it to the nth degree that just drives them crazy because there’s potentially an egotistical motivation with it or anything like that. I find it interesting how you pointed out that motivation is not the thing. Discipline is the thing. There’s so much like,

Tannaz Hosseinpour (02:52.664)
Mm-hmm.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (03:01.71)
Mm-hmm.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (03:06.806)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (03:10.292)
just trash that’s out there, like all the motivational things and the inspirational things. It’s like little dopamine hits that don’t actually do anything. You go, yay, and then back to the shit. But the discipline will help you with that. But that’s not a thing that most people, I don’t think most people innately understand that because for the most part, the environment is like pushing these little quips onto us and these like six word quotes that you can unpack and work through the rest of the week. And that goes throughout religious systems and just all the things.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (03:20.823)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (03:40.455)
So where did that come from? Was that something that you learned as a kid? Was that something you learned because you bashed your head into a wall too many times and you’re like, well, I guess inspiration and motivation don’t fucking do a thing.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (03:50.766)
Mm hmm. Yeah, good. Good point. So discipline is something that I think I just my father instilled in me from a very young age. I come from immigrant parents who migrated out of Iran. We were living in the United Emirates. Many know it as Dubai. And so I think naturally, when you are a child of immigration, like there’s this there’s this

feeling inside of you of, I need to make my parents proud. Like they’ve sacrificed so much for me. And my dad was extremely disciplined, like in terms of how he would wake up, when he would wake up, how his day looked like. And, you know, the father daughter connection, being there, I really wanted to make himself proud. But also I really enjoyed how, how everything kind of flowed with a little bit more ease when you are disciplined. And

What I’ve noticed throughout the years in working with clients is one of the resistance that people have to discipline is this association with it being very harsh and rigid. Like very, it’s masculine energy, it’s a very yang energy. And so what I’ve tried to portray over the years is this concept of soft discipline. It’s the balancing of the yin and the yang within us.

And what is soft discipline? Soft discipline is I’m committed to my craft, but if I fall, I’m not going to shame myself into falling. I’m going to pat myself on the back, take a moment to regulate and get up and try again. So it’s like you’re being disciplined with yourself, but not like a parent who hits you, but a parent who creates space for you to feel your feelings. And then you’re going to get up and you’re going to try again.

Nick McGowan (05:32.092)
Hmm. I guess in that sense, it takes the parents to be that way for you to potentially be that way as well. What an interesting thing. Like even as you pointed out, and I get that it’s not an always thing, but to be able to have that, that respect almost. I’m from the United States. My maybe grandparents, grandparents were off the boat.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (05:51.085)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (05:59.728)
So by the time it was my generation and my mom had me, I didn’t feel that like I need to do these things for her. Like she put up with different things and whatnot, but I’ve had different people on the show that have moved from some other country and the whole transition. Like it can be easy to say, well, I was here when I was a five-year-old and then by the time I was seven or eight, we lived in this country and these things. It’s like, let’s talk about the three years in between.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (06:07.331)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (06:28.784)
and all the things that happen and all the life changing just shapes that happened. And then for you to be able to actually say, All right, well, I want to do this. And I want to be a part of this and be disciplined. I’m glad that you talk about soft discipline. It’s an interesting way to put that I haven’t heard it like that. But for us to not think of things being so rigid, like I have conversations with people at times that they’re like, man, what if what if everything has to change? Like, yeah, it’s a good question. What if you know, part of me is like,

Yeah, what if everything has to change? But at same time, what if you just make those small incremental changes? So let’s take a little bit of step back and help the people that are listening that are saying like, look, I discipline myself. I do these things. I get up in the morning, I brush my teeth, I get a shower, I go to work, blah, blah, blah. That’s like standard life discipline. But then there are things that are much deeper than that where people will say, man, I really want to read 10 books this year. And by the time it’s…

You know, the fifth of December, they’re like, I haven’t read anything besides my phone. How do you help people find that discipline within themselves, but also the willingness and the want to actually be able to do those things over and over? Cause let’s be real with each other. If you’re doing a discipline that isn’t actually fully aligned with you, you’re just fighting with it. So how do you help people figure out what’s actually aligned for them?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (07:46.882)
Yes.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (07:50.656)
Yeah, bullseye, your last sentence. It’s why do you even have this intention? Gaining clarity on the why behind it. know, step one is always why do I want what I want? Because most of the time the thing that I think I want is society’s conditioning on me. I want this because society has told me if I have this I’ll be happy. I’ll, you know,

I want this because society said if I have this, they’re going to look at me in a different way. So whether it’s external validation, if it’s sense of worth, I have worth because you think I have worth. And in order to have that worth, I need to do X, Y, and Z. So first gaining clarity on why.

Why are you doing it? And there’s like this, this practice that I love is like seven layers of why. So I’ll ask someone, why do you want something they’ll tell me and again, I’ll ask why, why, why until we get to the core of it. If it’s not from you, there’s going to be so much resistance as you said, you’re kind of going against the current. But when it’s something that is a part of your mission, your soul’s purpose, and every human being on this planet enters with like a unique set of gifts and talents that no one else has but them.

It’s like their unique blueprint. If it’s in alignment with that, you’re no longer chasing it, but it’s rather that vision is so strong that it’s pulling you towards itself. It’s like it’s an energetic pull instead of a forceful push. So first, why do you want it? Okay, you want to read a lot of books, why? And then, you you’ll uncover so much. it because you want to figure out a way to change your career?

then maybe that’s where we need to start looking at first, gain clarity on that vision, make it so powerful that you wake up with excitement to do it. That said, it doesn’t mean that the beginning process is going to be super easy because the body, the mind is created for survival. It’s not created for thrival. So it wants to do what is familiar, what is comfortable. And if I’ve never read before, it might be really uncomfortable. I don’t want to do this. Let’s go do something else.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (10:02.562)
And in that moment, it’s sitting in that discomfort of temporary discomfort over permanent comfort. And that is going against instant gratification that we are now being subjected to, especially with social media and everything, just these dopamine rushes, these quick fixes, and sitting in that discomfort. And it’s okay for this to suck for the time being because we’ll build resilience for greater

Nick McGowan (10:27.151)
the

Tannaz Hosseinpour (10:31.982)
permanent comfort in the future.

Nick McGowan (10:36.386)
If only resilience was currency, you know, you would be able to cash that in. but I think that’s an interesting thing where, we can get really stuck in. want this thing to be fun. I want this to be this thing. I just basically want the dopamine hit. And there are so many layers that actually mess with us that we don’t really understand about it. I think there are certain physiological things that happened to us.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (10:53.985)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (11:06.213)
course, mental things, spiritual things, etc. I we’re in 2025 technologies all around us, fucking AI is being pushed upon us in every corner. And there’s so much stuff that’s happening. But this has been such a small period of time. If we really look back at the amount of time technology has been around, in the way it’s been around, it’s obviously been around our entire lives. But 75 years, maybe 80 years.

which is ludicrous when you think of the amount of time people have been on the planet. I sometimes think about like there are different theories and stuff of the Egyptians or other cultures that had technology and then they’re wiped away or what have you. But I don’t know if any any culture has been racing so quickly to a dead zone as we are with technology with everything that’s happening. And that’s just on the like

Terminators coming after a sort of thing and I’m making that kind of comedic in a way, but if we look at just people are so Infiltrated by something they see on Instagram something they see on tik-tok Something they see that just tells them this is how it should be and then it’s hard for us to actually tap into our intuition with it So even when you’re talking about being able to say well, this is really what I want I’ve had conversations with people even within myself of like sometimes it’s really difficult to actually know

what that thing is, because of the different biases, the systems that we’re a part of, the things that have shaped us, the way people around us told us that we were, and how we’ve just taken that throughout the course of our life. And then we say, well, this is, I guess, is the thing I want, where people are like, well, I think I want a house with a picket fence and two and a half children. The half is always fucking weird to me. And they want like this certain thing, and this is how it is. And that’s how it should be.

And that’s not always the thing that’s actually driving them underneath, but it’s the easier way for them to just go about it. All of this to be said, that there’s just so many fucking layers to get through. And those layers aren’t easily gotten through with the inspiration, motivation, stuff like that. In fact, it’s typically really difficult too, but how do you actually help people work themselves through those layers to figure out, there’s a block here because you know what? When I was a little kid, this traumatic thing happened.

Nick McGowan (13:34.628)
or there’s a block here because somebody told me this thing when I was younger, or there’s something here that, you know, I just never thought I could do this. Like the people that are like, I wanna be a musician, I wanna be that, but I’ve got kids and I’ve got a career and I’ve got blah, blah, blah, blah. How do you help them figure out what that balance looks like for them, but actually drive on that thing that makes sense?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (13:57.26)
Yeah, so.

I really resonated with what you said. And when you were talking about like how social media tells us like this is how it’s supposed to be, it made me think of one of my clients. And I’ll answer your question, but I really wanna share this story first. Because when we started working together, she was working in corporate and she wasn’t really happy with her job. And she was like, listen, help me figure out how to go step into my feminine energy. And I just wanna be a housewife. Like that’s my intention. And I said, okay, well, if that’s the intention, let’s kind of first figure out

where you are, what’s not working, making those little changes. And we’ve been working together for a year and a couple of weeks ago, she told me, she’s like, listen, it doesn’t resonate with me. now, because now she’s in a very high position corporate, she like jumped a bunch of steps overnight. She’s showing up differently. The way she carries herself, the way she thinks has evolved and in her category of how she wanted to evolve.

And she’s like, you know, social media was trying to convince me that a feminine girl is someone who is a stay at home wife, but I brought my femininity to the corporate world. I’m wearing like these colorful colors and I have makeup on and I have my hair done. And it’s, there’s no like the, lead a big team, but the way I lead it is so different than the way like the men in my, in the company lead. And so she took that energy.

and she embodied it and it turned out to be something completely different than what she had thought she wanted. So sometimes just immersing yourself in different experiences gives you clarity on what works and what doesn’t and kind of taking away the things that are draining you. So that.

Nick McGowan (15:42.282)
Mm-hmm.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (15:45.678)
particular company was draining her. It wasn’t the corporate world, but that particular company. So stepping outside and going into somewhere else where she felt more seen, and kind of just doing the inner work simultaneously gave her a completely different vision. So I would say, you know, allow yourself to have different experiences and to do things differently, just give yourself permission to do things differently. So that’s one but in terms of like how I can

Nick McGowan (16:10.454)
Hmm.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (16:13.4)
how I usually help clients figure out their vision, it’s, okay, if I had a magic wand and I could give you anything you’d want, what is it? And they’ll say, I want this. And how would that make you feel? And they’ll say, it’ll make me feel amazing. And I’ll say, okay, sit with that vision for a couple of days. Come back to me and tell me how your body felt. Did your body feel safe? Did your body feel receptive to it? Sometimes they’ll come back and they’ll say, yes.

It’s great, it feels good, it feels like it’s aligned with me, my gut feels safe with it, great. Sometimes I’ll come and say, there’s this resistance, I’ve been so fidgety, I’m biting my nails, over it, I’m shouting at my husband, I’m fighting with my family. Now we need to get curious, is it because it’s not aligned or because there are core wounds around that intention? Because if someone was raised in an environment where they had to constantly

themselves, they had to constantly give, over give for validation, they’re gonna struggle with receiving and they’re gonna struggle with receiving anything. Whether it’s receiving money, receiving love, receiving a vision, receiving blessings. So it’s multifaceted, like it’s not something that and I think again I love love social media because there’s so much powerful information out there but social media is not therapy, it’s not coaching.

its information, but to implement it, to integrate it, we have so many different elements that are contributing to why you are the way you are. And it’s going to take some time to unpeel that and to gain clarity.

Nick McGowan (17:52.418)
I want to touch on that a little bit because I think if we actually look at the things in our life that are holding us back from something or getting us excited about something or whatever the hell it is, it’s just whatever you’re feeling some sort of way about. I think we can omit the things that you just don’t care about at all. Like something happens and you just life would completely go on totally fine. Those things are to the side. But those things that actually motivate us or inspire us or

Tannaz Hosseinpour (18:11.981)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (18:22.22)
drive us or make us crazy or anything like that. I think there are pieces that tie into like how emotions are here basically just to wave their hand and go, hey, there’s something going on. You should probably take a look at this thing. And for us to be able to do that in a clean way is sometimes really difficult when there are things that are coming in. I found it interesting how you were praising on social media, but in a in a nicer light than what some people will.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (18:33.752)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (18:50.562)
where some people will say social media is great, I learn all these things, I do all this, and then there are people on the opposite side that is like, I will never touch Facebook, I will never touch any social media. I actually took a bit of a sabbatical, I guess, from all social media for a little over a year, maybe a year and a couple months, something like that. I’ve gotten back onto it, and I see the inspirational things and motivational things that instantly just move right past them.

I’m more specific in what I look for. look for things of politics and like not actual news outlets like CNN or Fox, but real people that are in that are shooting video in Gaza and stuff like that. Like I want to see that sort of stuff. The real stuff right along with who got whatever $10,000 rookie card of some sports player. Cause that’s the sort of shit that I’m into. But moving past all the other stuff where it’s like, yes, we can learn things.

But I think there’s a thing for us to ask ourselves, is this something for me to learn from? Or is this something for me to just be entertained by? Or is this something for me to move away from? And I think that’s where asking those additional questions, like you said something earlier about asking the questions and the whys and the seven of them. I read a book probably 20 years ago called QBQ, the question behind the question. Why, why, why, why, why? And if you ask yourself and you get those deeper layers, it’s

oftentimes not what you thought it was. So those people that are like, I’m on social media to learn these things. It’s like, no, you’re potentially just wasting time. And I get that there’s times at like one o’clock in the morning, I’m flipping through Instagram looking at something and it’s like, my God, I’m watching all this stuff of all the craziness that’s happening. And now I want to try to go to bed. All right, tomorrow night, I’m not gonna do that. But being aware of that stuff. when people get to the kind of, I guess crossroads is an easy way to put it.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (20:37.74)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (20:47.146)
where they go, well, there’s this thing over here, but then there’s also a core wound. And then there’s trauma. That takes a lot and a really heavy level of self-awareness to be able to get to that point. I’m thankful that those people have you, because I’m sure that you probably have different times where you can go, yeah, this person caught it and they were self-aware, but other times you probably have to say things to them. But then it’s what the human does from that point. So let’s break that down a little bit, how people can actually take…

Tannaz Hosseinpour (21:10.19)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (21:13.917)
the realization of those things. Because if there’s a core wound, if there’s a trauma, or if there’s just something that is like, literally gold to your soul, how you can do something with that, that’s on more of a macro level, like how do they actually find discipline within that instead of just saying like, Well, this is cool. I hope it happens for me at some point. Like, here we go, you know.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (21:34.094)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, first off, I want to thank you for pointing out.

the power of intentionality. You’re being intentional with how you’re using social media, right? So my intention is to go on social media to use it for politics, we use it for x, y, z. You choose, it’s not choosing for you. And I think that’s such an empowering point of I choose where my attention goes. And that itself is such grounding energy. It’s like you’re stuck to the ground and you choose which path you go instead of something like the current pulling you in. So that itself is so powerful.

And the second thing is, you when you’re looking at yourself and you and you know, if everyone who’s had a childhood has had trauma, it’s impossible, even a perfect parent, because the perfect parents don’t exist. And the perfect environment doesn’t exist. So everyone has trauma. And we want to normalize kind of doing the inner work and bringing it to the surface when we have the capacity for it. This is so, so powerful.

Nick McGowan (22:18.842)
the board.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (22:36.622)
Please do not do the inner work when you don’t have the emotional bandwidth to do it because a lot will come to the surface. And that’s why like the beginning of any, any type of inner work can be so chaotic. And it actually, it’s like all this like coming to the surface, it’s heavy. So make sure you have the emotional bandwidth and capacity for it. Second, make sure you’re doing it with someone you feel safe with, that you physically feel safe with emotionally feel safe with you’re not feeling

that person’s not judging you of any or because if they judge you, you start to judge yourself even more and it spirals. And then we need to break it down into cognitive and body. Just because you understand something on a cognitive level doesn’t mean your body process it. And this is something you and I Nick McGowan were talking before the episode of, you know, the body keeps score, meaning that

body holds on to memories. And so yes, talk therapy is great because we can talk it out and we can understand, I am this way because of XYZ. Great, step one. Step two, how can I integrate this new insight and create bodily safety within me? And that’s where somatic practices come in. That’s where breath work comes in. That’s where, you know, again, like meditation and other EFT, hypnosis.

other techniques that involve the body come in, and we need to bring the body into it. So I would say, you know, if we’re breaking it down, great, let’s figure out why I am the way I am. And we want to do it with curiosity and non judgment. We don’t want to blame because blame again, kind of gets us stuck in that old narrative. If we want to create a new narrative is

My parents did the best they could with what they had, knowing what they did with that level of awareness and consciousness. And I get to rewrite something different because I have the free will to choose the experience that I want to have. Does that take away from how shitty that experience was? Absolutely not. It’s still going to be shitty experience. But I have the free will to choose something different because seven generations of memories are stored in our body.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (24:50.08)
If I can change that and pivot that for the generations to come, it’s not even about me anymore. It’s about seven generations after me that are gonna benefit from me doing the heavy work.

Nick McGowan (25:03.646)
I love that we got into generational trauma at this point. It’s such that’s still kind of a woo woo thing for some people. We were like, Look, I know my parents went through shit, I’ve gone through shit, but don’t talk to me about my grandparents, or things they’ve gone through. Those don’t affect me. It’s like, Well, all right, you’ve already put up a wall. So good luck in life. But being able to understand those, those pieces that have stuck with us. And then it’s on us to be able to do something with that.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (25:21.059)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (25:32.101)
is a really important thing to keep in mind. So I’m glad that you brought that up. I want to add to it. I think there’s that layer of also being able to understand that if you’re not in the right spot now, and you’re not in the right emotional spot, or there’s not things going on. Really dive deep into that before you dive deeper into the work. Because sometimes our subconscious is totally just here just to keep us alive. Like you said, it’s to thrive or to survive.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (25:51.31)
Mm-hmm.

Nick McGowan (26:01.053)
But for us to actually understand like this is why I need to do this thing right now is different than well, I don’t want to do it because you know, it’s Tuesday so I don’t want to fucking do it because it’s Tuesday, why not? That is not actually going to help you. But I do think it’s important like you said to be able to have people that are around support system understand that there are these things but at the same time finding a balance within it so you’re not just like that.

type of business owner that’s like, Okay, I’ve got my water. I’ve got a pen. I’ve got my earbuds. I’ve got all these things. And the next thing you know, look, it’s dinner time. Time for me to not do any work. We still have to do the work with that. But that’s also where people like yourself or myself or other coaches or professionals come into play. Sometimes we’re here just to fucking listen. That’s it. We’re just literally ears and go, yeah, okay. I think about how many times you’ve talked to somebody.

I think everybody does this at some point where you’ve talked to somebody, you’re talking about a thing, you’re doing a thing, next thing you know, it’s like, cool, thanks for your help. And they’re like, I didn’t do anything. You’re welcome. Good luck. Because you just needed to get it out in what felt like a safe space. I think it’s also a crucial moment in life where we can go through those things. And it can really suck and potentially hurt other situations or other relationships. But you have to go through it.

gone through something similar to that. partner kind of likened it to me just cracking wide open and not actually no longer intellectualizing things, which is where I’m heading with this, because we’re talking about doing the somatic work. And for those who don’t know what that means, it’s body work and being able to get it out of your cells. The trauma is locked within yourselves from generations to the stuff that happened when you’re a kid to

the asshole at the grocery store the other day, like whatever the things were that just get stuck. But we do need to be able to actually do that work and it can really be messy in those times. So when you talk to somebody and they’re like, look, I, feel like I’m getting to this point or even if you see it, because you’ve seen it different times or you go, you’re getting to that. You’re like 10 steps away from the door where everything’s going to crack open. It’s going to be messy, but it’s all going to be okay. How do you coach people through that that are still fighting with, but I’ve got

Nick McGowan (28:23.215)
wife and kids and career and I don’t have time for this right now. How do you help them through that?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (28:29.87)
Yeah, you know, when we get to that point where our window of tolerance is so low, so what we’re talking about is window of tolerance. I was actually skiing yesterday and there was this girl sitting next to me, behind me, and she was waiting in line for like 40 minutes for french fries. And she came and she started, she burst into tears. And the guy next to her was like, why are you crying? He just like, he didn’t understand it. And I really wanted to turn around, I don’t wanna like…

inject myself, but I was like, wow, like her window of tolerance is so low, that anything can set her off. And so we at that point, it’s we don’t want to judge the person judgment doesn’t you can’t shame people into changing, you can’t judge people into changing, but you can help them go back to the basics. And this is what I would say, go back to the basics. And I love that you said like, if you don’t have capacity to do the inner work, you need to get curious with why you don’t have capacity.

And so go back to the basic and the basic for me is always the breath because the breath is the cheapest, fastest and most effective way to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and to allow ourselves to regulate the heartbeat, to slower the heartbeat and to come back into this present moment. Because if you’re conscious of the sound that your breath is making, you’re in the present moment and the present moment

is is not in the future, it’s not in the past. And so just as something as simple as taking slow deep breaths in through the nose and exhaling through the nose three, three, so balance breath or four seconds in four seconds out, really will help the body calm down, let the body feel safe in this moment. And then let’s talk about it. Because when we’re venting, we’re actually activating the vagus nerve, which activates the parasympathetic

nervous system and that’s why venting sometimes feels so good. Similar to singing or humming, know, I have this tool book and it’s free actually on nervous system regulation. I put really easy simple tools and sometimes my clients are like, but that’s so simple. It’s not like I have big problems and I’m like, yes, let’s start small. Let’s start with counting the number of trees when you’re looking outside the window. Let’s try

Tannaz Hosseinpour (30:51.202)
just walking. Simple as that, just walking out in nature. Let’s try splashing cold water to your face or rubbing ice cubes at the back of your neck or on your wrist. Let’s try that and slowly, slowly through regulating the nervous system, we increase the window of tolerance. So now we can tolerate more before shit hits the fan and

Now we have the capacity to do the inner work and we can go below the surface. So to answer your question is go back to the basics, go back to breath, breathe. Most of us are not breathing. It’s shallow quick breaths when we wanna have deep slow breaths.

Nick McGowan (31:29.019)
Thank

You know, we spent most of this time not talking about the nervous system. That was kind of the intention with this. But even like I said, before we hit record, sometimes conversations just go where they go. So I appreciate that you brought it back to that. I think it’s really important for us to understand that there are those things, but also understand that you don’t think about your breath normally, and you still breathe. So if we get to think about our breath, then we can be a little bit more intentional with it, but that things are going to continue to go on.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (31:37.454)
you

Nick McGowan (32:01.474)
It’s not like we have to think about all the things in the world and that all the weight of it’s all on our shoulders, or even within our own stuff that all that’s just all on our shoulders, we get to be able to do things. Some people find that journaling is really helpful for them. They’ll journal, they’ll go through things. And I remember asking people before, like anytime anybody said, you should just journal, just journal, journal, journal, journal. My handwriting is atrocious first off. So like, I don’t wanna do that.

But I did it for years and then realized that I was just going through the mechanism of it the mechanics and people that were doing it I would ask them then at that point. Are you actually going back and reviewing and a small small group would do that But I think that’s a personality type or like that’s how they are where they have to go back and review the things For others that aren’t like that. We can still find that moment of Us seeing that hey, we’re doing this thing. I am getting better

And who gives a shit if somebody else doesn’t think you are or not, or that they think you’re doing great. It’s on us to be able to do that. So when you’re working with those people that are like, these are just tiny little stupid things, and I got big problems and everything else. What are the things or I guess the tips or tricks that you help your clients to be able to be mindful and to really work on their self awareness to be able to see, I am doing better because

I handled this situation differently than I would have six months ago or even six days ago or whatever it was.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (33:29.228)
Yeah, so a technique that I love to use at the beginning when I work with a client is I got them to wear a rubber band around their wrist. And every time they got triggered, I asked them to pull the rubber band. And so when we’re doing our weekly check-ins, like show me how red your wrist is. And over time, what that pain does in that moment is I’ve told them pain equals like put the piece together, pain and pause.

So the moment you pull this and you feel that pain, so pull pain, I want you to pause. Pause and go to your toolbox. And in your toolbox, we wanna put as much tools at your disposal as possible because exactly as you said, I might tell you journaling is a tool, but you don’t really resonate with it. That’s okay. What about voice noting, creating voice memos on your notes, on your voice memo app? What about…

sometimes I’ll have them create a group chat with themselves and they’ll name the group chat like inner child or inner guru or whatever they resonate with and they’ll send voice notes to themselves. So we want to create this toolbox of sometimes it’s just shaking. One of my, I love to shake and so, you know, when I do retreats and I guide people into shaking, they’re like, I feel so good after that, but it seemed so silly before. So.

Nick McGowan (34:32.269)
Nice.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (34:54.232)
We give them tools, again, a bunch of different tools, pick and choose, see which one you like, which one you don’t resonate. Some you’ll be able to do in public, some you won’t be able to do. So you wanna set yourself up for success. But pull, pain, pause, pause. Regulate, take a slow, deep breath. Do that, you know, the tool of choice. Then ask yourself, how do I wanna respond? Because when we’re triggered, we wanna react.

impulsively. But that pause, and Viktor Frankl has a beautiful quote on this, I don’t want to butcher it, but that pause is where your power lies within. And the more you pause, the more you program your body to not be impulsive and reactive. And over time, your response changes. And over time, that redness around your wrist becomes less and less and less. And that’s what I like to call like,

Nick McGowan (35:25.41)
Hmm.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (35:52.342)
retrospective change. So we have instant change, cumulative change and retrospective. I said now or you said now, click for someone, like, that’s it, they’ve changed. Cumulative is, you know, we build on it day by day. Retrospective is, I didn’t even realize I changed until I looked back. So at some point, you’re going to look at your wrist and you’re like, wow, it’s not red anymore. And the world didn’t change. The triggers are still there. People are still maybe, you know, cutting you off in traffic or giving you a bad look in the supermarket.

But you’ve changed, the way you respond to it changes. So that’s a really, really easy way to build self-awareness.

Nick McGowan (36:32.152)
When you first started with that, I pictured somebody walking in and like have a huge well. They’re like, it’s been a rough week. Like it’s just been triggered like a crazy man. That’s a cool thing to be able to tie that into. think there’s also some pieces to understanding that those little tips and tricks are things that we need to do to be able to work with the mechanism of our body and that we sometimes often forget that we are spiritual beings in this.

organism. And this organism is very mechanical. It’s like you do this thing, this thing happens. Though sometimes like as you get older, you’re like, I don’t know how my back hurts. You’re like, I just slept, or whatever, I picked up something weird. But understanding there’s still a mechanism with that. And then a solution to it, being able to work through that stuff. Something I do want to point out is that talking about those triggers and the things as we change with things.

I think back to what you were saying before, being able to look at that and understand why. And why? Why are we like that? Why do we feel that we need to do those things? Because there are the more processing we do, the more we understand that there’s more work to be done, just like the more you learn, the more that you understand, there’s a lot more to learn. But as we go through that, and even if you’ve hit that same situation a number of times, and you feel better from it, there’s typically always more work to do with it, which is not like a

negative thing. It’s not like you’re never going to be able to be okay. It’s just constant work. It’s just the journey of it and constantly being able to be on that journey. for those people that are on the journey, and they’re working through this stuff, and they’re on their path towards self mastery, what sort of advice would you give them?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (38:16.64)
Extend grace to yourself, extend compassion to yourself. There will be days that are easy, there will be days that suck. And that’s part of the journey. You can’t have light without darkness, you can’t have joy without sadness. So the duality of life is something we should embrace and multiple realities can coexist. And I think that was a big game changer for me is in any situation, whether it’s with your partner at work.

with your family, when we’re doing the inner work, multiple realities and perspectives will come to the surface and they can coexist together. It doesn’t have to be this or that. And just creating space for that and creating space to allow that. And that’s one of Bowen’s theories of differentiation of I can see your perspective and I can still hold my own. Actually research shows leads to better physical health and better mental health.

So allowing multiple realities to coexist and extending grace and compassion to yourself for what you are perceiving and knowing that I have a choice. I have a choice and if I wanna shift that, if I don’t like something, I can shift it. It’s work, but it’s possible.

Nick McGowan (39:34.315)
Yeah, what a great way to put that. Now I really appreciate you being on today and before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?

Tannaz Hosseinpour (39:43.106)
Yes, so I am on all platforms at Minutes on Growth. So minutes and then on growth. So on growth, on Instagram, on my website, my podcast, everything is Minutes on Growth. Yeah.

Nick McGowan (39:56.311)
Again, thank you so much for being on the show with us today.

Tannaz Hosseinpour (39:59.97)
Thank you, Nick. It’s been a pleasure.