Emotionally Healthy Relationships | May 14, 2023

This morning Pastor Dale talked with us about the importance of listening - why we should listen and how to listen.

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” - David Augsburger

Listening well to others doesn't mean we have to agree with what they are saying. We can love others well by listening to them and being present with them. Ways we can be successful in listening to others is to:

• Clarify expectations. “I want to talk to you about something, is this a good time to be heard?”
• Set aside time for communication, maybe a weekly listen. 
• Clarify how you feel heard.

Listening well also requires listening incarnationally. Listening incarnationally is to listen at a heart level with empathy, listening to the words and emotions of the other person. Ways we can help do this include: 

• Speak using "I" statements
• Keep your statements brief
• Stop to let the listener paraphrase
• Include your feelings and properly connect them to something 
• Be honest, clear, and respectful

While the above is helpful, often it's the HOW to practically do this that's missing. Pastor Dale provided specific steps from the Emotionally Healthy Relationships Workbook. The seven steps he outlined are below.

Give the person your full attention.As you listen, begin to step into the speaker’s world. Try to feel what they are feeling. Listen to their words and their emotions.Avoid judging, interpreting, and fixing.Reflect back to the person what you understood them to say while acknowledging their emotions.Confirm what they said, how they felt, and if you interpreted it correctly.Ask, "is there more?" or "tell me more about that."Repeat the process until the person feels heard and you understand where they are coming from.