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20: Authenticity – Time to Get Back To Being You
I want to discuss the idea of being authentic. Au-then-ti-ci-ty. It’s a word with lots of buzz. It’s searched for, sought after and even after a lot of trying to achieve, is often still elusive. Authenticity is so valued because in its most simple and pure form, it is what people cherish and connect to most in life – in people, places, experiences and things. It’s hard to define because it can often seem limiting or too small a notion for a complex, complicated person, life, brand or business. The fact is, that in order to go big, we have to start small – with an understandable, focused definition of who we are. Once we know this, we start to get what we want. Authenticity can’t be an illusion of reality – how you think you are or how you want to be perceived. It’s reality itself and because of this, it’s not something you can chase, seek or discover. It’s already there, within you. You have to feel it. You have to know it, for real, and be good – really good – with you, just as you are. How many times have you said to yourself something like, “that feels like me.” Or “I think could get into that.” Or even, “I could be more like her, or him, or it or them.” How many times have you looked to others to help define yourself? The answer is, for most people, a lot! We’ve all done it and we all do it. And that’s OK because in doing this, we’re often led back to our authentic selves. Taking inspiration from the world around you is what we do as seeing, feeling connecting humans. It’s what we keep and what we don’t that defines our authentic self. How Can You Find Your Authentic Self I was looking at an old photo of me the other day that a friend emailed with the laugh-crying emoji. It was from the early 80’s when we just graduated from college. My hair was short and spikey. I was wearing an oversized, distressed leather jacket over a hoodie and sweats and big – huge – round pink tinted glasses. I was with a woman who had a parrot on her shoulder. I have no idea where we were. I can’t even begin to guess. I texted back a LOL. After I dried my eyes from laughing so hard, the first thing that came to my mind was, “What was I thinking?” This looked like a version of me that didn’t make any sense. I wondered why I was wearing this outfit. In the photo, I had a drink in my hand – a cocktail with a little straw – so I was out someplace like a bar or a club. If I was out, why was I wearing a hoodie. This was the 80’s – you got dressed up in your biggest, baddest shoulder-padded jacket when you went out. I looked like I came from the gym; or a midnight run to the store to pick up something urgent that didn’t call for getting dressed. Like a gallon of ice cream. Chocolate marshmallow, to be specific. Once I got over the initial shock of seeing my youthful self, wearing what obviously made me happy and comfortable, if not fashionable, I began to think about authenticity and how my authentic self looks and feels today. Stop Apologizing I have a closet-full of office attire and cocktail-party clothes from my days as a corporate CEO that I rarely need now as I spend most of my time working and writing from home. Then, I have a section of drawers filled with leggings, sweats, jeans and t-shirts that are my go-to’s. Add a few baggy sweaters in the mix and that’s what I throw on every day. I inevitably head to town to shop and do errands and that, I noticed, is when my excuses begin: “Forgive the sweats…I was too lazy to get dressed.” “I just wanted to be comfortable today.” “Stella McCartney designed these leggings.” I took a deep breath and realized that the photo of me then and me now are the same person. And I would still go to a bar to meet friends wearing a hoodie. I would definitely seek out the girl with a parrot on her shoulder! So why the excuses? Age, social propriety and both recognized and unrecognized rules of appropriateness have a way of taking who we are and turning us into who we think we should be. How You Can Tap Into Your Authentic Self 1. Look at photos of you from a time in your life when you felt free and comfortable with yourself. Think back to what made you feel this way and try to bring those elements back into your present. 2. Stop making excuses for your looks, body, weight, career or anything else you think you need to apologize for. You don’t owe strangers or acquaintances any explanations and your family and friends should already be aware and supportive of you being you! If you want to live in sweat pants, live in sweat pants. That’s your call. 3. Note the times, places and situations in which you feel or felt your best and happiest. Note all the details such as where you were, who you were with, what you were doing and even what you were wearing. Use happiness journaling to help you pay attention to what makes you feel calm, centered and effortless in being you. You have a lot to offer the world and deserve to feel your best while you take it on! The best way to contribute to your overall health, happiness and success is to understand who you are and how to, truly, be yourself. We’re all waiting for you…
19: Pandemic Relief
The Covid-19 pandemic hit and in one way, will never leave. It’s one of those milestone moments that change things forever; one of those things that shifts human behavior, which as us marketers know, is one of the hardest thing to affect. Causing the change you want from typical, accepted-as-normal behavior to a new normal – or abnormal - takes a lot of time and money. It takes ubiquitous, can’t-miss-it media, both paid and earned, to get people to do or try something new; something out of the ordinary – like standing 6ft from someone you’re having a conversation with. Like wearing a facemask to the grocery store. Like washing your hands until they’re raw, cracked and dry. Why Resolutions Don’t Work Every human being who has set a goal that drifted away or made a new years resolution and not achieved it, knows how hard it is change behavior or add a new way of doing things to our busy lives. By the way. I want to lose a few pounds. I know what I need to do in order to get on that path but I usually deviate. The point being, just because we want to change and know how to change and know we should make a change doesn’t mean we can automatically affect a new behavior. I have learned that I am easily derailed; something made with butter and cream will often be the culprit. Resolutions become pressure cookers for what we are not doing, or what we’re doing wrong. When we break them, which is typically the case, we feel even worse about ourselves. The Power of A Positive Perspective In times of extraordinary stress, it’s best to focus on what we’re doing right. With so much that’s in flux we need to hold on to things that sustain us; that support our core. We need to complain less about what’s going wrong and give thanks for what’s good in our lives. For me, it’s morning coffee with my daughter – a simple, easy routine that I look forward to. It’s also quiet time that I never had before. It’s solitude in which to work and write. It’s knowing my mother is being taken care of by my sister. It’s food on the table and a puppy on my lap. There are behaviors we run toward and those we run from. Find the things you gravitate to that make you happy, calm and centered. These are your saving graces. And once you recognize them, give thanks for the relief they’ve granted you.
18: Gratitude Attitude
I feel grateful. Today I literally counted my blessings. I woke up feeling yucky – I couldn’t put my finger on why I felt listless and unsettled. I had a good night’s sleep. Nothing was really wrong – there were no problems to mitigate or solve, my children were all in a good place. I just felt down. Sad. Not like I wanted to get up and start my day. So I lingered in bed and counted, out loud, all the blessings I had in my life. I put my thanks into the ether, sat back up and started my day. It was that easy. Expressing gratitude as an emotional practice can help you re-set how you feel, how you see the day ahead and how you see the world around you. We all know that saying “thank you” is polite and kind. When someone does something nice for you, we give thanks. But gratitude is deeper. It’s about paying attention to what we’re grateful for in our lives so we can generate feelings of compassion and kindness toward ourselves, then others. The first person that deserves a gratitude attitude is you. We can be so hard on ourselves as individuals. Our self-talk can often be about scolding ourselves, wishing we did something differently or better. Self-talk is often used to voice regrets, mistakes or misses. We punish ourselves for not being all we could have been or all we should have done. Facing regret is seen as a way to learn and grow. It can work, but it’s not the only way. Among all this negativity is also a lot of goodness that we can celebrate. It’s just as motivating. Unfortunately, we often take the good things for granted and focus on the bad, in the name of self-improvement. And while it’s OK to acknowledge that we can all do better sometimes, these realizations must be boosted by the positive, proactive acknowledgement that we have much to be grateful for. Being grateful and expressing it aloud will help you cultivate an attitude of optimism, empathy, well-being and will give you the energy to get out of bed and get on with your day! Feeling grateful is motivating. It’s a bountiful emotion. Some scholars have even called gratitude a ‘virtue’. When turned on ourselves, it helps us re-set that “yucky” feeling we all sometimes feel. So when you’re hit with that “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today, I don’t feel myself” feeling. List off all the things you’re grateful for. Say them aloud or write them down. Make them real to you. Read them when you need to remember who you are to yourself and those you love. Your gratitude attitude will help you live for what you have, not what you don’t.
17: Business Class
These are tough times. The national discourse is not always nice. There’s more anger, finger pointing, name-calling and discontent with the way things are than any time in the recent past. The uninitiated might think that this is the way to get ahead – throw your colleague under the bus. Lie. Cheat. Fake it ‘til you make it. The young people who are entering the workforce get much of their information from social media – from what appears in their feeds, what is shared, what is tweeted, posted and trending. I teach at a large university and I hear this first hand from my students. They see mistrust everywhere and easily point out the use of humor, sarcasm and over-explaining as ways to feign civil decorum. They reject messages that walk the line between irrelevant news and hyperbole as they make believability an issue. Even in the world of mainstream advertising, the legal mandate of telling the truth has recently been tested and stretched. In early 2019, Budweiser threw MillerCoors under the bus with an advertising campaign that poked at their competitor for using corn syrup in the brewing process – something that had nothing to do with consumers or what they care about. Clif Bar followed soon after by launching a marketing campaign against Kind bars focusing on Kind’s lack of organic ingredients. They were criticized for using a cause to promote their own product and were accused of ‘concern trolling’ Kind snacks. Media driven messages are vast and powerful. Companies, brands and individuals have a choice – they can join the fray or they can push it away and stick to their own values and morals to get ahead. Good guys don’t finish last. So here’s the point I want to make: we trust people that are kindful. We invite them out to dinner. We strike up friendships. Being with them makes us feel good about ourselves too. It inspires us to be kindful back. We have the confidence and support to function and behave on our own terms and can push off mean-spirited rivalry and actions that masquerade as the new standard of behavior. Leaders and role models today have the responsibility to teach the current and next generations that Kindfulness is the way to feel good about others and ourselves. Focusing on doing good to feel good is the true and correct way to get ahead. When I go back to my class this fall, I’m going to teach a whole new group of students the benefits of Kindfulness. We’ll do exercises on emotional intelligence. We’ll work on developing positive personal interactions. We’ll discuss media literacy and learn how to pay attention to what matters. This is my one little part in trying to help future leaders honor themselves and others by seeing Kindfulness as a key skill. If we can all stay mindful and be kindful, the workplace will be a better place to work.
16: How To Make Work Feel More Like Home
You can read article after article on how to transform your home into a work-like atmosphere, full of all kinds of efficiencies and organizing principles that will help you be a better person, spouse and parent. Makes sense, right? We know that being organized reduces stress and anxiety, helps assure you won’t miss a beat – like your turn for car pool – and keeps things in good running order so that everyone in the home is taken care of and feeling loved. It sets expectations, a certain rigor and, well instills a type of professionalism in how things get done at home. No middle child should ever be chanting, “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” in the organized household of today. And for everyone reading this who has no idea who “Marsha” is, this is a Brady Bunch reference. As a working mother of three children (now grown) and at one point the “parent” to three dogs, 2 cats, two ferrets, a bunny and a gerbil, I know how important it is to be organized. I can tell you first hand that when I didn’t have it together for one reason or another, everything from the food shopping to errands to family-time, all suffered. There are many tools from the workplace that can be applied for home use. Calendars, planners, group chats, white boards and even meetings have a place in the home, allowing us to use the processes that work at work to help the home work better too. But what if we also take the elements that make us love being home and bring them to the office? Environments influence our motivation, mood and happiness. Workplace culture is valued more than many other workplace benefits and is seen by over 90% of workers as critical to success. So what is it that we like about home? Being home makes us happy. We feel safe when we’re home and we trust what’s happening around us. We love the smell of dinner cooking, the sound of laughter and a comfy place to sit down and put our feet up. The ease and informality of connecting and communicating at home is natural. We’re less stressed and on our guard when happily at home. At home, you’re a family unit that cares about each other and is committed to one another’s health and happiness. Culture is a living, breathing thing that needs nurturing. Bringing home-like elements into the workplace can have just as beneficial an effect as bringing work-like elements into the home. If we treated our co-workers more like family – were more invested in their well-being and happiness, and not just their productivity, talent and contribution to business – we would be able to create energetic, passion-driven co-workers, willing to work together for fun, love and mutual happiness. More like family. Family comes to life in comforting rooms, at get-togethers, in communication and in shared goals and needs. We know what’s expected of us at home. We know how our home-life works. It’s not always so obvious at the office, especially one where directions are not always clear and goals are only shared with those at the top. At home, you know you need to make your bed and that it’s part of your responsibility as a member of the household. If you’re not this clear at work as to your role and responsibilities and what you are accountable for on a daily basis, you will not succeed and going to work won’t feel homey. For everyone who’s running a company, culture starts with you. Put your human kindness and values into everything you do and set the culture based on your behavior, interactions, desires and caring relationships with the people who look to you –like you would do at home. This isn’t about adding a couch and a lamp – although these are nice to have. This is about how you feel about the people in the office, how you care for them and how you work together to achieve shared success and happiness. After all, home is where the heart is. Why not bring a little of this love to work too!
POWERED BY BLUBRRY
