Saying What Matters 2 | Growing Up Without Praise

What happens when the approval you need from your father never comes?

In the second episode of Saying What Matters, Rahsaan Nurullah opens up about growing up with a father who dominated conversations, criticized his choices, and rarely made space for him to speak. Over time, staying quiet became a way to protect himself and avoid making painful interactions last even longer.

Rahsaan reflects on never hearing his father say he was proud of him, even as he succeeded in school, sports, and his career. He and Oren Matteson discuss how that absence of praise fueled overachievement, overworking, emotional eating, and the need to prove his worth. Rahsaan also shares why he eventually ended contact with his father—and what happened when illness and a personal commitment to compassion brought him back into his life.

Key Discussion Points from Growing Up Without Praise

• How criticism and emotional control can teach a child to stay quiet
• The impact of never hearing a father say, “I’m proud of you”
• Why achievement and overworking can become substitutes for parental approval
• How childhood pain can affect self-worth, eating, and adult relationships
• Choosing distance when a relationship becomes harmful to your mental health
• Returning to an estranged parent through compassion rather than obligation

Related Episodes:

Saying What Matters – Episode 1 | When a Father is Not Fully Present

Saying What Matters – Episode 3 | Finding Compassion Without Erasing the Pain

Connect with us:
Millennium Counseling Center: Website
Oren Matteson: Millennium | LinkedIn
Rahsaan Nurullah: LinkedIn

More about Millennium Counseling Center and our hosts:

The Millennium Counseling Center in Chicago specializes in mental health services with a strong focus on various forms of addiction, including their premier program, 3A, which is targeted towards alcohol addiction. They offer various counseling methods, including one-on-one, couples, and group counseling, alongside an intensive treatment program emphasizing personalized attention, accountability, and acceptance.

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