December 30, 2021 • 01:01:52

Four Steps to a Great New Year (No Resolutions Required) – Part 2

December 30, 2021 / Mom &… Podcast Episode 51 / Featuring Susanne & Missy

Show Summary

Part two of a two-part series featuring hosts, Susanne Kerns and Missy Stevens, talking about self-love, self-compassion, and incorporating those concepts into planning for 2022. This week the focus is deciding on a Word of the Year and using Vision Boards to reach your goals.

Some concepts that come up in this episode are intentionality, setting a timer for short bursts of productivity, and the idea of rehearsals for the hard things. 

We also talk about birds a lot, and we promise there’s a connection. It’s a loose connection, but it’s there.

Topics From This Episode (Complete transcript is available below… scroll to the bottom!)

*Re: that dip: At Missy’s house they make the standard version and a dairy-free version. To make it dairy free, they replaced the sour cream with a plant-based cream cheese (like Kite Hill Chive). You can also use a plant-based sour cream, but they were out last year and discovered that the cream cheese does magical things to the vegan version of this dip. They used plant-based cheese (although sparingly, since most plant-based cheese melts… weirdly). These Sheese brand “sheeses” are a current favorite.

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Musical Notes

Our delightfully happy intro and outro theme music, “We Will Get Through This” is performed by Young Presidents, and used under license from Shutterstock.

Transcript* From This Episode

*Please note that this transcript is automatically generated through our editing software. Expect odd errors and misunderstood words. In fact, if you find a really funny one, send it to us, and we may feature it – and you – on our socials!

[00:00:00] 

Missy: Welcome to the mom and dot.dot podcast. I’m Missy Steven’s mom and dot.dot writer foster care advocate. And today I’m a black eyed pea dip maker for our upcoming new years-black- eyed-pea-eating. Do you eat your black eyed peas on new 

Susanne: have never had black eyed peas before. 

Missy: Okay, so this is the, this is the problem. This is the problem though. You’ve got each your black eye peas. I think that everything is going to be solved if Susanne just eats her black eyed peas, but I will put in the show notes, the greatest recipe. It’s not my recipe. I got it from The Pioneer Woman. And I think she got it from her sister or sister-in-law or something, but it’s we make a dip out of it.

So a lot of people make them like with ham hocks and collard greens. And we just, I don’t dislike that, but it’s not my favorite way to eat it. This dipp though, I eat a lot of black eyed peas like it’s so tasty and we make a regular version and we make a dairy free version. And last year everyone liked the dairy for even more.

So I’ll post them in the show notes. 

Susanne: Okay. We’ll do that. Is it [00:01:00] vegetarian for my daughter? 

Missy: Yeah. It’s vegetarian. And um, actually the I’m trying to think, is it fully vegan? The one that I make without dairy, it might be fully vegan. of course then I eat them with tortilla chips. You know, the fried and all animal fat, so that’s not vegan, but you can find your vegan version.

Um, 

Susanne: mentioned that my poor vegetarian daughter who discovered that marshmallows are super not vegetarian. She’s like, wait a minute. Yeah. that’s okay. She tried to get me to buy some vegan marshmallows the other day. I was like, no, like if you’re having a marshmallow, you just like all health concerns are out the window.

but anyway, um, 

oh, 

Missy: rails. Who are you?

Susanne: I’m forgot my introduction. I’m Susanne Kerns. I’m a mom and dot.dot writer, LGBTQ and sex ed advocate. And today, uh, new Orleans road tripper. Uh, that’s going to be a fun nine hour drive. I think that also getting ready for the new year. No [00:02:00] black eyed peas. Well maybe now there are black eyed peas.

Um, but just, oh, we actually don’t have any plans yet. We’re trying to, we’re playing things by ear, you know, 

Missy: I have a feeling it’s going to be a real low-key new year. 

Susanne: No just sitting around eating our pea dip. But so if, for anyone who did not listen to last week’s episode, I feel like maybe you need to pause and pop over back there because 

Missy: It’s short, like one of our shortest episodes ever.

Susanne: it is which that’s amazing.

but we are doing our self-love values. Get ready for the new year, knowing who you are, loving, who you are. And we had kind of a step one and step two last week, if you’re feeling crazy, you can do them out of order. I think it’ll still be, you’ll still be safe, 

but 

Missy: It’ll still work. 

Susanne: but , we’re gonna finish up with, , the number three and four this week 

and 

Missy: what’s your, a word of the [00:03:00] year and, um, that kind of aligns with your values and the number four is vision setting, creating your vision, maybe vision boarding, or just visioning how it works for you.

Susanne: We’re getting a little woo with a couple of our things. I’m so proud of us, 

Missy: I love a little woo. I love it.

Susanne: I’m usually very non woo-hoo, but this I can get, we, we, when it comes to self love and, uh, getting a little more structure around our, our lives. But have you actually come up with your word of the year yet? Are you still 

Missy: Yeah. I think I have, I had a little list and I’ve really the one that pops back in my head over and over again is delight. 

Susanne: oh, 

Missy: I felt like that was a little woo and weird, and I kept fighting it and I’m like, no, really. And I talked about this last week that my go-to. Is sort of a negative. I mean, that’s just how I was wired and I’ve been working for years to undo that, but, I don’t want to miss out on the joy and I want to delight in the [00:04:00] things, even the hard things, whether it’s knowing that when the hard thing is done, there will be something wonderful or just in knowing that I get to do whatever this thing is, even if it’s hard.

Um, so I just want to focus on, delight and that really does tie to my values of, you know, I don’t have my whole list in front of me, but when I went back and looked at the things that I value, you could kind of incorporate delight with all of them. So that’s me. What about you?

Susanne: that. Well, this year, you? know, it’s been a long time since I have done a word of the year. I think my last one God was probably like five years ago. I did the word Edith, you.

have to re there’s a whole post around the explanation for it, but now there was this woman, Edith Macefield. She had a house not far from us in our old neighborhood, in Ballard, in Seattle.

And she, her house was the point of the movie up. 

Missy: Oh,

Susanne: Um, she had this little bungalow in the middle of this area of Ballard that was being [00:05:00] renovated and she refused to sell. I mean, they were offering her millions of dollars and I just loved it. She was just like, you know, That doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to move.

I’m old.

This is my house. This is where I want to die. And even though it was super inconvenient to a lot of developers, I mean, they had to make a trader Joe’s. That was like kind of U shaped. There was a gym and like this trader Joe’s, I had to like boop, boop around. Um, but it’s still, I don’t think it’s still there.

It’s this tiny little bungalow, just it’s comically next to like, you know, these four story buildings or whatever. Um, but I, I thought like, Edith, wow. What about ass that she was just like, Yeah, I’m super sorry that you’ve got to. Do your entire plan for your trader Joe’s, 

Missy: so it 

Susanne: I’m not moving. 

Missy: me. Doesn’t work for 

Susanne: I’m moving. I’m keeping my house. It’s your fault that you chose this area that, you know, wasn’t ready. So that was the last time I did a worthier. I [00:06:00] was like, I just want to be more like Edith. but this year I think I’m going to do intentional because that is just something that comes back. I feel like every single episode that we’ve done, whether it’s getting intentional about decision-making or even.

I, I hate to tie anything around food because I think That’s so triggering. And it’s not an idea of like, I, you know, I want to lose such and such weight, or I want to do this, or even not even that I want to be like super healthy about eating. It’s just, I want to be intentional. I can be pulled into the gravity of a box of lucky charms that just happens to be sitting on the counter. 

Missy: Oh yeah.

Susanne: And I will eat six bowls without, without even thinking twice about it, which, you know, what, if that was intentional, if I was like, you know what, today I’m feeling [00:07:00] super lucky charms. And I just want to go to 

town on it like that. I think I could really enjoy like doing that versus just this. I wasn’t even hungry, but it was there and I ate it.

Um, so just trying to get more intentional about enjoying the things that I’m doing. And I, it kind of brings me back to Cara Harvey’s thing about getting intentional about your time. And, if you have dish washing time set aside And you don’t have to feel guilty about walking by the dishes, all day long while you’re doing other things.

Cause you’re like Nope dishes or, you know, the three o’clock thing. And I got five hours till then to not even look at them and.

Missy: And I’ll just do it then.

Susanne: So I’m thinking and same kind of intention around, you know, this is this time, whether it’s for a nap. I mean, there’s a difference between looking forward to a luxurious nap where you can just lay down and enjoy it versus feeling like you’re passing out on the couch because you’re so 

overwhelmed 

Missy: normally what happens to me is I, [00:08:00] I always say I accidentally sat down. it will be, for some reason I sat down and then I stopped moving. And if you stop moving, then it’s like the kiss of death. And so. 

Susanne: so.

I think very much of it is going to come down to just being more intense, kind of like we’ve talked about. And we talked about it last week, too. Our Enneagram nines are super go with the flow and 

Missy: Mm. 

Susanne: easy for me to be like, yeah, you’re right. I should be doing that. today. Or, oh yeah. Like this other thing came up. I should do that. so trying to just be a little more structured and intentional with the way I’m spending my time and the way that I’m making my decisions. So that is what I’m doing. And, and even intentional about my what’s your word again, not joy. Um, 

Missy: Delighted.

Susanne: the light I’m going to be intentional. Hopefully just being more intentional, uh, naturally brings some more delight into my 

Missy: It’s just that presence. That was, I think [00:09:00] my last word of the day that I’d spent a word of the day word of the year. Um, sometimes for 

Susanne: a word of the day 

Missy: day. Sometimes it is day by day. Word of the year. The last time I did, it was a long time ago, too. I want to say four or five years ago. And what I kept thinking and I had to boil it down to one word was just show up because I am a little bit of an introvert and also have this inner self mean girl.

And in Enneagram nine, who goes with the flow, like I would just find myself all over the place and then I would forget to just be present. And so it ended up being present because I just wasn’t, I wasn’t there half the time. My mind was at the last thing that I didn’t finish because I thought why should go here or what, you know, I just was bouncing.

I felt like a ping pong ball. 

Susanne: Well, that’s 

Missy: was my last one. And I still liked that one. I still try to think about it all the time. Like we’re just going to be present right here 

Susanne: Well, maybe that will be my mantra. We had, we had some mantras last week and somebody, I, yeah, I need some, [00:10:00] maybe it’s not a bad idea to have a couple of words of the day to maybe we’ll have a couple of, uh, runner up words that we just keep for as we need them. And that can just be something that we bring in for the day if we need 

Missy: Well, and I think like, as you go through this, as you determine your values, we talked about that last week and you really focus on loving who you are and finding that self-love, you will start to learn the places where you have a negative self-talk or where you struggle to be present or whatever it is.

And you do probably develop some words and some mantras that are like, you’re falling into this trap you fall into. So 

Susanne: Um, 

Missy: just be right here right now or whatever it is you need, or 

Susanne: so have you done the bonus exercise of taking a look at your word of the year and looking at it against your value list? 

Missy: a sort of did. I didn’t like sit and write it, but I did the go look at my values and just see, like, does this make sense? Am I way off track here? And I [00:11:00] need to like sit down and apply it to each bucket, but just at a glance, it does. If it’s, if it’s, what about you? Did you do it?

Susanne: doing it?

right now in lifetime, so I’m going through my list of values. Um, so it would be being intentional about authenticity. 

Missy: Yeah, I would say, or intentionally, I feel like, well, I’m thinking in podcast terms like intentionally seeking authenticity, like you know, we’re looking for authentic guests and coaches and you’re looking for

Susanne: that’s true. Cause I was having a hard time. It was like, if you’re authentic, you don’t have to be intentional about it. It’s just authentic. But We’ve talked about how we’ve had to, not include a couple of guests that we had been considering because they do not align with our shows, values and our values.

So I do think that is being intentional and putting a process around something that is authentic to us. Okay. That one checks out authentic, uh, or no, what’s my word. Not authentic. 

Intentional 

intentional, [00:12:00] intentional about connection. 

Missy: That totally 

Susanne: That one until if it’s intentional about kindness, 

Missy: Hmm. 

Susanne: that’s hat fits 

Missy: I feel like you kind of have that mastered. 

Susanne: security was one of my. 

Missy: Ooh, 

Susanne: about security. 

Missy: that might be something you work on this year, like to figure out what that really means for you.

Susanne: I think that means I need to get a J O B.

Um, Yeah. Is that when we mentioned that we have a Patrion link that you go give us some money yet. Um, and then intentional about fun and intentional about personal fulfillment. 

Missy: I think your word is perfect. I don’t have my 

Susanne: up. 

Missy: list in front of me. I don’t know where this fits in the self-love slash vision or like, I didn’t bring my values in here to record. I don’t know, but we’re just going to delight in the fact that I am delightfully disorganized this week. It’s [00:13:00] currently as we’re recording before Christmas and we’re both crazy.

Susanne: yeah. We are both afraid to write down, but No.

I think first of all, I think that actually drives home. The importance of actually doing the values exercise, because everybody, I think my natural belief and I think a lot of people probably lean to like, well, if you value it so much, then it’s just like right there, like you should be able to just rattle off this list and you can’t.

I have mine written down right here. This is how I’m remembering it. Um, and how I’m staying focused with it. And I do think, I mean, it’s probably something you could just bring in your wallet and just be like, okay, check, check, check. Does, does this decision I’m about to make, you know, is this job that I’m about to accept?

Does this person who just invited me out to coffee? Like, do they match these values? Um, and I do think, I mean, if it’s in the other room, it’s hard to remember it. That’s why. Yeah.

I, so I do think I’m a firm firm firm believer if doing a year of interviews with coaches has taught me nothing else is that this values [00:14:00] exercise, like everything hinges on it. everything just.

Missy: hinges on it.

Susanne: And so do it, do it, go back to the episode before this, if you need to, if you need to figure out what and how to do that. but I think it makes a lot of sense. And then if you do this word of the year, or you just saw how it was able to tie in with mine and, uh, be able to just give it a little extra. So I 

Missy: Yeah. And it starts to, the more you revisit it and the more you practice applying it to things, the more natural it becomes to put everything through that filter. 

Susanne: Yeah.

I love that. I love it. Okay. And so that brings us to this idea of the vision board, which I gotta tell you again, we’ve already. Determined that I am not a super woo person and that I had always kind of been like, that seems a little woo, woo. But I’m starting. 

Missy: it for 

Susanne: Yeah. I’m leaning into it more now just because we have had several people who we really respect [00:15:00] bring it up as far as things that they do.

and in particular, Uh,

this is kind of not hard to talk about. It’s confusing to talk about. Cause Cara Harvey, we I’ve already recorded an episode with her that does not run until. And did January. So, but we are going to talk about some of the things. That’s a little preview, some of the things we’re going 

to talk about with 

Missy: your vision.

Susanne: about doing this vision board, um, to get more in depth information about that, be sure to come back.

I think It’s the third week of January. She’s got a new book coming out the 15 minutes. What is it? 15 minutes solution. 15 minutes. Sometimes 15 minutes. 

Missy: minutes, something 15. Darn. When we’ll look it up. sorry. 

Susanne: We’ll look it up. We’ll edit it back in there. It’ll be 15

minutes. Formual Got it. 

Missy: like that, that lady on the phone 

Susanne: Actually here, 

Missy: she reads it.

Susanne: Okay, sorry, Cara. 

Missy: Well, we’ll have a whole episode about that. 

Susanne: [00:16:00] yeah, We’ll just edit all this out. So vision

board 

Missy: it. And, uh, Jenny Remington, who’s from, like, if you go back in the way back machine in our early episodes, Jenny’s been on a couple of times. Um, she has workshops. I want to say more than once a year, she does a vision boarding workshop.

so we’ll link to her website, but she does a whole, like, I, I w maybe lying, I’m sorry if I am, but I believe that there are some virtual options now. It used to be only in person, but I think she may have some virtual options now. And, um, I mean, walks you through the whole process. And I used to always think like, oh, I don’t want to sit with a magazine and cut out pictures.

Like, what am I a child? What am I making a poster? You know, it’s so much more than that.

Susanne: And oh, also Megan, Logan, who I’m going to hold up the book here again. Uh, the self-love workbook for women, we went through, uh, quite a bit of this in the previous episode. So [00:17:00] definitely check that out. , but she had also brought up the idea how she starts every year with the vision board.

And I was like, she seems like the opposite of woo-hoo to me. And so that was one of the 

first 

Missy: Grounded. Very focused.

Susanne: Not that Cara, as we would not have our guesses, but I mean, it just made it, it legitimized it in my brain for some reason to see her after talking about all these, you know, super clinical things was like, and I do a vision board.

That’s like what you do. Um, so I, 

Missy: this vision board and then. You use it as your sort of barometer as you go through the rest of your year. Like, how does this tie back to my vision? And so there’s a real purpose to making it. It’s not like a afternoon craft activity. Like it’s really has a purpose and you don’t have to do it.

Like you don’t have to cut things out of a magazine. It can 

Susanne: It can just be. words. 

Missy: Yeah, 

Susanne: yeah.

And that, I think that was another thing too, whereas like, I don’t have the [00:18:00] space to put up a giant board where, and that was another thing I was like, I mean, , what am I gonna do with this giant poster board? And like you were saying, , I am I just going to cut out cute pairs of boots, maybe like that might be something that you do.

But I have seen examples of a lot of people who do their vision board, inside their daily planner is just the first couple of pages as you open it up. It’s just, you know, sometimes it’s pictures, you can draw something or it could be something you cut out of a magazine, or it could just be some key words that you wrote around visions.

But I think some of the things that Cara Harvey brought up that again, it’s going to be in more detail in that, mid January episode where I thought that. One of the things she talked about that was really cool was just starting with, what do I want and really stressing the point that a lot of moms never just sit down and think, what do I want?

And it also ties back to the values exercise, obviously. So that’s why we’re doing all these things, you know, step-by-step [00:19:00] together. Um, it could also tie in with that word of the year and weaving that together, but I really liked how, , Kara recommends putting things into categories. 

Missy: yeah.

Susanne: So it could be any, any way that you categorize your life.

So it could be like 

Missy: What I 

Susanne: as a mom, as a wife or as an advocate or as a writer or as a podcaster, like these are the, in the different areas of me or the different areas of my life. However you want to break that down and categorize it. It just makes it a little less overwhelming. I think it gives it a little bit more structure.

Um, and then I like that her other recommendation is setting a 15 minute timer.

Missy: Yeah.

Susanne: She recommends that for a lot of things, even if it’s just like, I need to clean my pantry or I need to organize the house or whatever set a 15 minute timer. Um, and I think that is a great recommendation for so many things.

It feels so overwhelming and you don’t quite know where to start [00:20:00] and you ever afraid that it will never end if you do start. So, 

Missy: I did a dumb story about this, but I know I’ve talked about cleaning my makeup brushes before, um, 

Susanne: yeah. and I’ve talked about how mine are still have my wedding goo on them. 

Missy: yeah. Time to clean those, um, I had, I dumb story. But basically my younger son uses my hairbrush to brush his hair before school, every day.

and so I noticed one day, and then sometimes he needs a little help with like the sticky ups in the back. And so I noticed like my brush was kinda grimy and like a really need to clean this, but I know myself and I know that for me, like cleaning that brush is going to lead to cleaning all the brushes is going to lead to cleaning out the drawer is going to lead to disinfecting the entire bathroom.

I mean, it give your mouse, if you give a mouse, a cookie kind of thing. 

Susanne: Yes. 

Missy: So he’s getting a new brush for Christmas. He’s getting his own same kind, but he’s getting one because enough is enough. He’s big boy. I’m a grown up. We’re not sharing anymore. So he’s getting a brush in his stocking, [00:21:00] 

Susanne: It’s like my daughter and I sharing a blow dryer for two months. I’m like, 

Missy: right.

Yeah. You’re like, why aren’t we doing this? 

Susanne: we deserve to blow dryers. 

Missy: Yeah, look, he can have his own brush so silly and he’ll probably still bring it to my bathroom for help, but whatever, it’ll be his. So the other day I was like, I had Cara in my head and like, this brush does need to be cleaned. I had just read an article about you are supposed to clean your hair brushes.

I pull the hair out, but I don’t really clean them, clean them. And so I didn’t set the timer physically, but I looked at my phone and I said, you have 10 minutes. These 10 minutes will not take away from the rest of your day. Clean the brush, just this brush, not all the brushes, not everything in the drawer, clean this brush.

And that’s what I did. And I got to tell you, when I brushed my hair the next day, I felt so happy. So clean. I just felt so good, but I got that done. And in the weirdest way, it had been one of those things nagging at me. It made me feel like slob that it was dirty. I mean, it was just, again, his inner, like self-talk, [00:22:00] that’s all dangerous and whatever.

But just doing it was this moment of, oh yeah. We can, you know, set the timer 15 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever it is you have, and do at least part of that thing. 

Susanne: Yes. 

Missy: I don’t know if that story makes any sense,

Susanne: know it makes total sense, And it’s making me think about like, it’s so funny. Cause like my husband, you know, helps out a ton around the house. I mean, he lives here. He, he does his share. 

Missy: right. He’s not helping he’s contributing because 

Susanne: yes, he lives here. So he does things. Um, but it’s always so amazing to me. Like, well, our son usually unloads the dishwasher, but my husband will get to the point where he was like, okay, really our sink.

So he’ll just unload it for him. But it’s, I mean, like I, if I unload the dishwasher and this is part of the reason I have to have my son do it, I will clean up the drain. I will clean the sides of it. I will get underneath the nooks and crannies. And so I just like sometimes unloading the dishwashers, just unloading the dishwasher.

[00:23:00] It’s not like sanitizing all of the filters and all of this stuff. And so I do. I 

Missy: I am in the kitchen. So funny, like I will be scrubbing the sink and sanitizing, everything and cleaning the vent hood and wiping out the oven. And the refrigerator handles that are always freaking sticky. Like what is wrong with the people who live in my house, but 

Susanne: There’s a sticky. 

Missy: they’re always taking like, what is on your hands and why aren’t you wiping it off before you touch the refrigerator?

That’s another podcast completely, but anyway, but I will suddenly have spent half an hour deep cleaning. I didn’t have half an hour at that point, but if you’re intentional about your time, uh, you can then go do that one thing and then feel delighted about that. One thing you did.

Susanne: Yes. Okay. I need to set, I need to set a timer. You know what I’d made myself and it was supposed to be for writing. I didn’t make it. I bought it, so that I would sit down and write for an hour. It’s like in so beautiful. It says SA what do they call it? Like the hours

Missy: what an hourglass.

Susanne: like an hourglass. Thank you.

I’m thinking days of our [00:24:00] lives. 

Missy: Yeah. Like what sands or an hourglass. These are the days of our lives.

Susanne: and I’ve used it like three times because I realized like I need something to ding because if I flip over my hour glass and I’m cleaning the refrigerator, I mean, I’ll be, 

Missy: you won’t hear it.

Susanne: vacuuming the inside of the crispers and then, Yeah,

I won’t hear the hourglass, but, um, so yes, I think, uh, a nice loud timer.

I love the one on my watch now, so, 

Missy: yeah. Yeah. I just set my phone. I’m always using my phone timer for 

Susanne: yes. And speaking, if you give a mama cookie, um, we were talking about vision boards. 

Missy: Yeah, yeah,

Susanne: yeah.

we can set a 15 minute timer for when we start talking about something to see if we’re still on that conversation when we get there. But So yeah, setting the 15 minute timer, if you feel like doing a vision board is too overwhelming or whatever, to set the timer, start with 15 minutes. Maybe, maybe that first 15 minutes is just [00:25:00] deciding what your categories are

Missy: Right.

Susanne: and, and, you know, figuring out what your values are.

But then the next step that she recommends is just this big old brain dump. , and one of the important things that she brings up is that we usually think of this vision board of like for the year new year’s resolutions or for a year or whatever, but like, we don’t know what’s going to be happening 12 months from now.

So I really liked the idea of looking at it.

Missy: 12 days from now 

Susanne: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And so we talk about the care talks about it, and we’ve talked about it with other guests, too, these idea of seasons. And I just think That is a really lovely way of looking at the year ahead. Like I know that my daughter is going to be starting applying for college next fall.

So that’s going to be a season. That’s going to be his own

Missy: a season.

Susanne: that. and then we are, you know, The first part of the year, you know, what season is that it’s going to be probably a lot of planning around getting guests for the podcast [00:26:00] is going to be, I’m finally rolling on my proposal for my book.

So it’s probably going to be, it’s probably going to be book season that book and podcast season that first quarter. and so just really thinking about, okay, maybe I am planning for the year, but I’m not going to be like, okay, in December we will be doing this. It’s like, no, let’s clump it together around some, either big activity that’s going to be happening or a big event, and really thinking about, okay, so how do I get intentional?

How do I, Think about that. So your brain dump and your vision board may just be for January through March. It might just be for January, if you have a big thing going on in January. So it really just make it work for you. It doesn’t have to be the way that Pinterest says to do it, or the way that it is, you know, you’ve done it before the think about what is going to make it be useful for you.

and yeah. I think really using that word of the year care brought up that [00:27:00] idea too. And you know 

Missy: And a playlist, 

Susanne: minute formula. I have 

Missy: there you 

Susanne: right. 

Missy: You 

Susanne: It’s sadly, it has been written in front of me this whole time when I was a 15 minute. What, 15 minute Formual um, so that’s the book that we’re gonna be talking about later in January, we’re turning this into a real Cara Harvey episode, which I have no problem with because, she’s fantastic.

And she’s helped us get really organized past episodes that she’s been on Um, and then let’s see here. What 

Missy: I was gonna talk about, um, To take it back to this workbook, the self-love workbook for women. Um, that’s, I mean, it’s helped me a ton thinking through my next year already, and I’m not even finished with it, but, um, one of my favorite things that I think really could help with developing your vision is to understand what you like.

And I think I’ve talked about this before, too on the podcast, but for people who haven’t listened faithfully to every [00:28:00] episode, I mean, that’s crazy. Who’s not doing that people with a life. I don’t know. Um, but years ago a therapist said, tell me what you like, tell me who you are. And I could not, which now seems crazy to me because from that moment on, I would stop and think, do I like this?

Like, is this a thing that I liked? And I mean, just today, , I was on a silly text thread with some friends and birds came up and everyone was like, oh, Hey, birds, birds are so gross. Well, the thing is, I love birds and there was a time in my life that I wouldn’t have said I loved birds.

And, , I piped up in a joking way. Um, I’m like, dude, I love birds. And if I had a place to put one, I would totally have a bird that talks. I’ve always wanted a bird. The talks always since I read, um, was it super fudge? They had the mynabird. I mean, I love birds and I’ll put in the show notes.

One of my favorite books ever is called enslaved by ducks. It is [00:29:00] the best and it’s a memoir of these people who buy a farm and they start with a couple animals and soon they have like birds and ducks and it’s chaos. And I loved it. And after reading that, I was like, I’m getting a bird and I’ve researched rescue birds.

But no one else in my family would like a bird and I don’t really have a place to put like a giant bird cage and they live forever. So it’s a big commitment. Um, but I love it. And there was a time in my life that I wouldn’t have necessarily known that I loved it. I wouldn’t have given it any thought.

And when that text string popped up, I probably, I mean, it wouldn’t have been like agonizing to me or anything, but I would have been like, oh yeah, Birds are gross and gone on with it. But the thing is, I like birds. 

Susanne: I like 

Missy: I delight in birds. I think they’re cool. And,

Susanne: Okay. Not to turn this into the bird episode, but if anybody else delights in birds and was the talking bird, my friend, Abby, Mathews. 

Missy: that’s right. It’s one of my favorite Instagram 

Susanne: [00:30:00] Yes, Who does the mom writes podcast? She does not do it anymore. Um, but that’s how we learned about Jenny Remington and author accelerator and the great mom, coach or mom coaching writing coaching program.

And that’s the author accelerator is also the program that KJ Dell’Antonia used for her Reese Witherspoon, , award-winning book, uh, chicken sisters, but having who’s who I adore. She’s just one of those people. Like I seriously will relisten to that podcast, even though it’s been off the air just to hear her, I just love her, but she, adopts every pet in the world.

And one of my favorite pets that she has adopted, I made her start an Instagram account for which is not super active, but I still highly recommend following it. It’s called secondhand parrot. Isn’t that? What it’s called secondhand parrot. I think. 

Missy: This bird is the best. 

Susanne: It’s bald. It is, 

Missy: I had a little 

Susanne: it is had a tragic life. Uh, it has the feathers on its head, but It has [00:31:00] plucked all of the feathers out of itself.

So that part is tragic and sad and not delightful, um,

Missy: of trauma, which 

Susanne: because of trauma, because it

lived, it lived with a couple that was going through a divorce and did not have a happy, delightful marriage. And so, but this parent did learn how to say things. And so like for the first few months that they had it, it would just be like, shut up, Barbara. It’s 

Missy: I’m sorry, I’m laughing. Cause it’s really sad to the bird and those people went through it, but this bird is so great.

Susanne: sad, but I’m finding delight in the sadness and the fact that this poor bald bird, I mean, I guess the feathers don’t grow back. Poor thing, you know, it was 

Missy: They can eventually, but I think it takes, I mean, I think it’s a major effort then, and maybe some birds. It just doesn’t.

Susanne: pretty bald, but yeah, secondhand parent highly recommend following that on Instagram, because this [00:32:00] is for, and they’ll do recordings of it. I don’t think, I think it’s finally over its phase. I mean, it used to just say I forgot all the things that used to 

Missy: I can’t remember either. I have to go back there Instagram. Cause it’s funny, funny, like 

Susanne: I mean, but if it would like yell at itself, like it would just yell at things because that is what I had learned to say shut up Barbara. That it was my favorite. Oh, my God. And it would curse, it would curse the cursing parrot, but anyway. 

Okay. So yes. 

Missy: if you also are a weird bird person, Austin locals, there’s a nursery called the great outdoors. Um, and in the shop they have a talking bird. Um, who’s a little bit shy. He will usually speak to you when you first come in. But once he notices you’re interested in him, he’s going down then when we’re done with this conversation.

Susanne: Yeah. 

Missy: our friend, Kate, Susanne, and I have a mutual friend, Kate Strzinek who’s been on the show. Um, she, and I love to go plant shopping and stuff. We all, we’re both planners, but sometimes she’ll say, do you want to go to the great outdoors? And I’m like, yeah, I need to go see my friend. [00:33:00] And she’s like, do you even want to go look for plants?

And I’m like that too, but I need to go see my bird.

Susanne: Oh, I love it. Okay. See, I like birds too. I take 

delight in 

Missy: great. They’re so smart. So smart. 

Susanne: Yes. Okay. So where did we start with this one? Missy. 

Missy: we’re talking about things that make us smile, things we liked. And Megan has a great exercise for that, where she just prompts you to kind of fill in the blanks and think about it. And 

Susanne: so for people who do not have the book yet again, , we’re going to reiterate that we do not get any money for you getting this book, even poor. Megan who wrote the book does not get 

money for 

Missy: gets no 

Susanne: um, because of the 

Missy: Rockridge publishing.

Susanne: Yes. So this is not a sales pitch.

It is a truly, this is just a gift for you. That was something that we have found that’s been really useful and helpful. 

So, um, 

Missy: of helps you narrow it down, like, or how to even think about it. Because I think when that therapist asked me years ago, what do you like? I was like, uh, 

Susanne: yeah. 

Missy: start small, like go through your day. What do you like about your day? Is [00:34:00] it your cup of coffee? Do you like the way the sun shines through your blinds in the morning?

Do you like whatever it is, like, start to just think about that and give yourself the freedom to make a big list and then go back to your values, go back to your word of the year, go back to the things you also like about yourself and just start seeing where there’s a common thread. And I think that helps you then create your vision for the year.

Like these are things I like, and this is what I value. 

Susanne: And that can be part of your gratitude practice too, which is another thing that has come up a million at times is how critical and valuable having a gratitude practice can be. And it’s literally just writing down one of those things every day or not. You’re not even writing it down. You can just say it to yourself.

Like, I really love the way that that tree filtered the light into my room. I do. You brought that up and I was like, I do love 

my 

tree. Um, 

Missy: Yeah, she, well, she has , it’s just almost a blank page, but it’s hearts, but she had you think through like, [00:35:00] parts of your day, go through each of those things and think about what is it you like about that, , and then break down your job or your volunteer work or whatever, and think about what do I really like?

What is it I like about that? And for me, I haven’t, didn’t do it in the book. Again, we talked about not writing in our books. It’s very 

Susanne: we are 

Missy: for me, when I started to make a list, there are common threads of I find great joy. I delight in things that are nature. Uh, the parts of my volunteer work that allow me to be out and about in the world.

there’s something pleasing about that. Like I realized like my, my volunteer role as a Casa is a lot of paperwork. I don’t love that part of it. I’m never sitting doing a court report thinking I love this. I do love getting in my car, going to do a visit.

Seeing the people, usually we’re [00:36:00] seeing them outside. So you’re sitting in the sun or whatever, because of COVID we typically are visiting outside is what I mean by that. But, um, there’s just something about that relational piece, you know? And then I’m like, what do I love about my day? I love talking with the people in my family, like having an actual conversation, it’s relational.

I love when I, whatever I’m rambling, but you start to see these through lines that it’s similar things that you love. 

Susanne: Yes. 

Missy: And I mean, she recommends getting pretty specific, which 

Susanne: and I 

do love that exercise. I’m trying to find what page. Oh, that’s page one.

Missy: That’s 130. 

Susanne: That’s page 130. , I was mixing it up with an exercise on page 45, which is a list of, these are a few of my favorite things, um, which is kind of a fun thing to actually think about.

Cause sometimes you’re like, oh, I love this. And you’re like, Ooh, but what else do I really love? So, I mean, it was just like favorite sweet treat. Favorite drink, favorite sport, favorite place to be favorite person. Favorite hobby. Favorite time of day. Favorite book, [00:37:00] favorite movie, those types of things where like, you 

Missy: It’s the kind of things that you always get the teachers to fill out when you’re the homeroom mom or, 

Susanne: yeah, exactly. 

Missy: or like we, our swim coaches fill it out in the summer for coach appreciation and way back. When, when, before I had started to think through this, I would always be amazed that they would know what to write for their favorite drink 

Susanne: Yes. and.

that was actually kind of how we started the podcast. It was like, cause we could not fill in this list a year ago. We could not fill on this list. Um, and so Yeah. I think we have made great strides. 

Missy: Great strides. And one of my great takeaways from talking to all these coaches about how this is a living breathing process is my favorite drink in this season. May not be my favorite drink in the next season. 

Susanne: Ah, ah, 

Missy: want to drink in the summer is very different than what I want to drink.

You know, I may be all about a hot chai right now, but in the 

Susanne: Or [00:38:00] even your seasons of the day. What I want to drink at 

7:00 PM. 

Missy: right. Like if you’re going to bring me a surprise little drink, well, I’m going to want black coffee in the morning. But if you’re bringing me something later in the day, maybe I want iced tea. And if it’s even later in the day, maybe I would like to add bourbon, but

Susanne: I love it, but yeah.

So I think that that’s, I love the idea of seasons, how You can tie that to so many different things. So yes, I love, 

Missy: a changing being and that’s okay.

Susanne: and I love the idea of just what are the things that make you smile 

Missy: Yeah, 

Susanne: that, and again, that might change through the seasons too, and that might change every day. And so that is an excellent way to do a gratitude practice. And maybe it’s not gratitude, maybe it’s what are the things that make me smile?

I mean, it’s pretty much as the same intention. You’re looking for the positive side of something. Um, 

Missy: in Texas, in August, the weather doesn’t make me smile, but sometimes in Texas and November, the weather really makes me smile. 

Susanne: it’s going to be [00:39:00] 80 degrees on Christmas, So, that’s fun. Um, so yeah, I love, love, love, love, love that. So another thing that we would love for people to take the time and intention to pay attention to when planning for the year ahead again, in this self love workbook for women and Megan, Logan is on page 1 39 is the comfort zone. I don’t think I’m going to be infringing in any copyright trademarks, because it’s basically just a bullseye.

If you’re, if you’re imagining this while you’re driving in your car, it’s a bullseye. Um, but doing this exercise of all the different possibilities in your life and all the different possibilities for the next year or your next season or whatever the case may be. And so, uh, in the smaller inside circle, you’re supposed to identify situations and people who you feel really comfortable and safe with.

Like, that’s your little like. Cozy inner your inner core of people. And the next circle would be some, either limiting beliefs or insecurities. yeah.

Things that are [00:40:00] keeping you from making either a pivot or to even consider trying something new. And then the third outer circle, you’re supposed to list all the possibilities for your growth and dreams.

And so this is kind of a fun exercise that we talk a lot about. I really think maybe I’ve accomplished one thing this year, which was trying to stand up paddle boarding, because It’s the only example I keep coming back to of me trying something new. I blamed COVID a little bit, but I also blame my self a little bit, um, because it is hard for me.

to try new things.

We talked about how long it took me to get over the fact that I thought I was going to park.

in the parking lot wrong. Um, and even just, that was one of my limiting beliefs that, that second circle would have been like I am not going to know how to get on the board. I’m not going to know where to park.

I’m not going to know where you walk to, to go rent the, the paddle board. Like I not going to know what to wear. That ended up actually being an issue. So, um, so those are, I [00:41:00] think some of the new things that you want to try in the year ahead is a nice way of looking at like, what are some of those limiting beliefs, but then taking it to the next step and being like, okay, what’s the baby step I can do. And again, back to the paddle board example, anybody who’s been a listener, you’ve already heard this, but it literally was just me one day. Like, while I was kind of around that area, like, let me go park there, let me just go park. Like, this is, this is how a paddle boarder would park. So I went to the area where you parked for it.

And I was like, okay. So here’s where someone parks where it okay. That’s good. And then, you know, the next week, probably the next step. So, um, 

Missy: I love the idea of rehearsal. We can rehearse, we never rehearsed for this. Some people might think we should, but we can rehearse for things that make a wrong. And like, it’s like, role-playing practice it, figure out what you might say or rehearse for. Where do you park? Like I remember when I first learned to drive and I was, I wasn’t necessarily a terrible driver, but it wasn’t a great one.

And I had a [00:42:00] terrible sense of direction, the worst. And this is of course long before a Google map. Okay. And so we would practice. We were to hearse. My parents would put me behind the wheel and then go drive to school without us telling you how to get there, the place you’ve gone every day for years, drive there, you know, drive, what if you need gas?

Where do you go? Where do you, you know? And I, there’s a classic family story of me going to the wrong gas station. I won’t tell it now, but we didn’t practice. Um, but you have to rehearse. You can what you don’t have to, but that’s a great way to get through to the next step. And I, I think it’s a gift to give yourself and just say it’s okay.

It’s okay. I don’t know how to do this. Here are the things I can do to learn how to do it.

Susanne: Yes, but I, I like tying in your exercise. You talked about like, what makes me happy? What makes me smile? what are some things that are along those lines that might. Be a stretch or might be, you know, [00:43:00] maybe Missy’s going to go to bird training lessons or 

Missy: Oh, dear Lord.

Susanne: how can we take your bird thing to the next step?

But now whatever the case may be, Missy finishing her book this next year, me finishing my book proposal, which I guess eventually would also be a book, trying the there’s a couple of trails in the area, which I still have not gone to. Cause I was like, I think I will, I have a thing with parking apparently.

Like I always feel like I’m going to park wrong or that I won’t 

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