Nude beaches, explicit movies, lifestyle resorts: where’s the line for a Christian couple?
A wife married over twenty years wrote in. Their sex life is better than it has ever been, they are both devout and involved at church, and her husband keeps introducing things she isn't sure about: a nude beach, explicit music, explicit movies, and a clothing-optional resort where they had sex beside another couple and she kissed and touched the other wife. Now he wants to book a cruise with that couple. His argument every time is the same: we aren't lusting and we aren't having sex with anyone else, so it isn't sin. Check out the blog post here for the full answer and the scripture behind it.
She asked two questions. Are these things okay? And how am I supposed to decide? I answer both, the second one at more length, because there will always be a next thing to say yes or no to.
I go through her list item by item, then explain why "we weren't lusting" is the wrong test: it doesn't draw a line, it moves the line to wherever you want it to be. Then three questions to decide with, each from scripture. Does it stay between the two of you (Proverbs 5 and 1 Thessalonians 4)? Is it good for us, or just exciting (1 Corinthians 10)? Can you do it without going against your conscience (Romans 14)?
Then the part I'm most worried about: the direction of the list, and the pattern of one spouse always hesitant and the other always persuading. What I would do in her place, a word to the spouse who is doing the pushing, and why her hesitation isn't the problem.
In this episode:
- (0:13) The question
- (3:30) The short answers
- (5:07) "We weren't lusting" is the wrong test
- (5:48) How to decide: three questions
- (6:34) Does it stay between the two of you?
- (8:19) Is it good for us, or just exciting?
- (9:01) Can you do it without going against your conscience?
- (10:07) Where this road goes
- (11:28) The part I'm most worried about
- (12:11) What I'd do
- (12:52) If you're the one pushing
- (13:56) Your hesitation isn't the problem
Free download: What's actually off-limits in the marriage bed? The three questions my wife and I use when something new comes up.
Links mentioned in this episode: