SWM032 – Is oral sex unsanitary?

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A husband wrote in: he would love to go down on his wife, but she believes she is dirty down there. She admits it feels good and still does not want it. He has respected that, and asked whether there is anything that might shed some light on it. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

The belief is moral before it is medical. Christian culture absorbed the idea that the body and sexuality are dirty, and the language carries it: pudendum, the Latin name for a woman’s genitals, means the parts to be ashamed of. The church taught for centuries that sex was sinful and only partly offset by procreation, and some still teach it as part of the curse. Once something is morally dirty, it starts to feel physically dirty too.

On the actual hygiene: there is nothing unsanitary about genitals by themselves, and the mouth is the least sanitary part of oral sex. Kissing is less hygienic. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed on by oral sex but not created by it, so if neither of you has one, you are not going to give each other one. If you are still worried, shower first. Water and your hand are enough; soap can do more harm than good, and the internal parts self-clean. Lysol once marketed itself to women for exactly this purpose. Do not do that.