What it means to be a mom on purpose - and it is not about having happy, obedient kids. It is actually about being a mom on purpose when our kids are NOT happy or obedient, or when life feels hard and we aren't feeling happy. Dealing with Automatic Negative Thoughts Coming off a couple of weeks of feeling like I was hitting a wall and spiralling to all the things that are wrong in my life Our brain is wired to find problems so we can keep ourselves safe and protect ourselves from 'problems' We are the ones that need to talk back to our brains and tell ourselves what is true Mindfulness as a mother Mindfulness isn't always beautiful and lovely. We need to be mindful of the things that feel not so lovely in our lives. It is important to be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves because we act out, show up from those thoughts and how they make us feel When we show up from frustration, resent, victimhood and then our outcome is always disconnection and more helplessness and frustration. Our two selves We have the self that we ARE (what we are doing) vs the self we want to be (our ideal self) Our work is to love us for where we ARE while moving towards our ideal with compassion and love. Led by emotions or led by intention Often we let our emotions run the show - rather than being led by stress and frustration and anxiety, we need to be led by our personal values. Knowing our personal values means we know WHO we want to be and what is important to our core - in this season of life. It is also about bringing the work back to what we DO have total control of - ourselves. Obedient Happy Kids We ask for obedience and happiness in our kids It makes it easier when our kids are happy and well-behaved, but is it what we should be fighting for? We want obedience, plus gratitude, plus happiness, plus agreeability, etc. Consider how reasonable it is to expect all of these things from our kids, and see how we might not be good models of all we tell them we need to be. Kids learn by seeing what we DO more than they will ever listen to what we SAY We need to be parents who DO the work on ourselves so they can learn by watching us tackle emotional intelligence, coping and contentment. We want our family to be happy (all the time) What are we seeking when we want everyone to be happy all the time? When people around us are happy, it is easy. It is comfortable (a Type 9 mode for sure) I have been the Manager of Happy, trying to make sure everyone was following the happy plan. It caused a lot of anxiety and strife in my life. What is really happening is that we scramble for control when we don't feel capable. When we don't feel capable, we focus on CONTROL instead BUT we don't have control over all these peoples. We only have control over US Being a mom on purpose means * we turn off the autopilot * we stop showing up from negative emotions (stress, frustration, low key anger) * we stop beating ourselves up for how we struggle (no more shame!) * we step into INTENTION, even when it is hard * we stop making hard things harder (and being a m...
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