Episodes

I was in love with the character known as Elizabeth. There was pressure to make out and I was terrified. Jared had become more and more of a bully and as a result, I finally made the big move! Soon thereafter, Elizabeth began abusing me, and our trauma bond was solidified. All of this built up inside me.

I was maybe four-foot-four in junior high. It was in the first few days of my experience here that I witnessed my first act of violence which deeply impacted my soul in ways I could not anticipate. I had nowhere to turn with all these new feelings and had no one to talk to regarding the fear I now had. This could be what is described by Pink Floyd as "Another Brick in the Wall."

There is no way to explain to a child the extent tho which their life will immediately change upon boarding and then exiting the bus on the first day of junior high. I'd been bullied before, particularly by my friends Jared and Jeremiah, and it certainly continued as soon as I entered the foyer at Hadley Junior High.

This chapter deals with the Character Jeremiah and how he got sick. This was a time in my life when I began noticing my empathic nature but had no one to process it with. Children feel so much more than they realize and in a perfect world, the adults around them would guide them effectively through their complex emotional landscapes. There is no one to blame here, especially considering how things were back then in the 80s.

A talk on the chapter 'One on One' deals with the nature of sidekicks and how they can be turned on immediately and become victims.

I became trauma-bonded with a couple of my friends on my eleventh birthday after I had gotten my first real skateboard in fifth grade.

My sensitivity was both a blessing and a curse and still is. I felt into the life of the squirrel whose life I saw taken that day alongside my friends who experienced the same thing.

Growing up in the 1980s was a magical experience in so many ways, but the darkness had ways of creeping into my existence. There was a component of 'aloneness' to all of it that became more and more prevalent as I grew as a child in a very privileged town known as Glen Ellyn.

This episode deals with my love of water which prevailed despite my defeats on the swim team.

https://www.youtube.com/@samvaknin

A bit on snapshotting, introjecting, my blanket, and the safe world I created inside of myself. Also, a bit on the Kevin and Jim chapter.

A talk about the introjects I created and then interacted with on my insides. There is a bit of schizoid/borderline personality disorder that is somewhat hinted at here.

Addiction is a generational phenomenon. This episode gets at the origin of it all.

This episode gets to the origins of the emotional intoxication I began experiencing at a very early age. I've included a link to a video my a prominent professor and psychotherapist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1t4CZMUqak&t=1411s

This episode addresses the partially answerable but also somewhat unanswerable questions regarding addiction.

The situation in Japan was an existential nightmare to say the very least. This episode just compliments the chapter and subchapter in the book to paint a fuller picture of what was happening as it unfolded.

Addiction is in so many ways a battle between good and evil, between angels and demons. The purpose of this vignette is to illustrate this.

This is a brief discussion on Heroin and Fentanyl. It is not a joke and it is causing widespread discussion all over the country.

What are the paradoxes at play with hope? Is it something to expect as it is defined or is it something that can never be counted on? What do you think?

Episode one of the Undercover Angel Podcast lays out what there is to expect moving forward regarding the deeper dynamics at play with addiction.