Episodes

Happy 2020 to all our lovely fams out there and buckle up, cause 2020’s all about getting (sober) WEIIIRRRRDDDD. That’s right (both Henry and John have decided to conduct a Dryanuary, where you don’t drink for the entire month of January) we’ve got some great content for you to kick off the new year. The studio is abuzz with anticipation (John actually turned to Henry once they were done recording and asked and I quote, “Is it possible to do this podcast sober? I feel like that wasn’t very good....

Well, it’s finally here. Performing for you. The first member of the DK Crew. Wait. I meant the end of the year. The end of 20FightTeen is here and we’re here to judge it. Was it a good? Was it a bad? Only by finding the best and worst things of the year can we tell, and that is what we are doing here today. Everyone join hands and await the fate of some of your favorite things. Movies. Video games. Cats from the Cats Movie. All of these and more await us in the great beyond that is Best/Worst. ...

I know, right? It’s kind of outrageous. John hates Baby Yoda. It’s kind of disgusting. I can’t believe it either. Anyway, this episode of Zero Credit(s) is 50% crazy holiday time traditions and 50% just the latest episode of the Mandalorian. That’s about it, really. Years ago, I was sitting in a Portland Cafe around 2 pm on Wednesday. I believe the cafe’s name was Brown Time. Local joint, good atmosphere. I was sitting there, sipping on a cup of warm Brown, when comedian Bill Burr pulled up a c...

After a long two-week hiatus, the boys are stuffed like turkeys with that capital G, capital C Good Content. We’ve got your weekly Fast and Furious update, some promises to do a Best/Worst 2019 that may or may not happen, and a whole lot more before we inevitably dive into the supreme joke that is American politics. Joe Biden is making speeches again and boy does it just tickle John’s fancy. The moral of the story: Do Crimes. Just go out and Do some Crimes. Crimes are the future. Do them today*....

The new Pokemon game is out and it’s all the boys want to talk about in this, the beginning of the dark family holiday times of the year. How many Pikachu has John caught? Perhaps we’ll find out. But what is the all the internet hoopla about? Henry will explain. And then it’s just Pokemon all the way down before someone realizes half the episode is over and there are indeed other topics to talk about other than when Grookey evolves. You see, private equity firms are buying up all the older Pokem...

In the original cut of this episode, Henry and John discussed the new streaming service Disney+ and some issues surrounding the service that elevated to mainstream media, like Werner Herzog’s performance in The Mandalorian. Then, when it was time for the episode to come to home video via VHS, the editor decided to cut it so that Henry and John discussed Werner Herzog’s interview in Variety and take a deep dive into the corner of the Zeitgiest that is Werner Herzog’s interviews at large. This ups...

Still recovering from the…you know, let’s not mention it…that happened, Henry and John dive butt first back into the cultural happenings of the Zeitgeist like no other. Henry’s been to the first concert he ever actually enjoyed and boy does he have some thoughts to share about the experience of liking music. I mean, this will probably not be news to anyone who likes music, but for anyone wanting to examine what it’s like for someone who is basically 30 to enjoy live music for the first time, thi...

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU // IT WILL START IN A SECOND OR TWO // BUT BEFORE THE END BEGINS // SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR DEAR FRIENDS // FRIGHTENTIMES, THEY’RE HERE TO STAY // AND RUIN YOUR LIFE IN EVERY WAY // BUCKLE UP, SIT TIGHT, HANG LOOSE // WHILE WE GET READY THE FINAL NOOSE // Also, fuck D.B. Weiss and David Benioff.

You’ve waited all year. You’ve watched all 5,492 games. Now it’s finally time. The World Series of the Man League Bat is here and boy is the bat PISSED. OFF. Who will win when a team of 22 normal, but athletic, humans doped up on the latest (legal) Performance Enhancing Drugs take on the MAN LEAGUE BAT, a giant 40 wing-span bat with the intelligence of one human AND A HUGE ASS BASEBALL BAT. The Space-themed Astros and a collection of assorted Gnats from Washington SQUARE OFF in the CIRCLED SQUAR...

This episode is sponsored by the Clown Prince of Crime himself and he demanded that we discuss his movie Joker. So that’s kind of what we do for the entire episode. We don’t necessarily spoil much beyond the themes and elements of the film. I mean, if you walk into a movie called Joker, I think you know what you’re getting into, but nevertheless, if you don’t want to hear about a movie you haven’t seen, don’t watch this. There were probably too many commas in that last sentence. Anyway, Bats, e...

There’s a lot of “facts” going around about certain “countries” stepping on the “freedoms” of certain “individuals” and it’s all a little over our “paygrade” so we’re going to cover the latest breaking news. The Joker movie is a hit? Who do we blame for this? Incels? The media? White straight males? Martin Scorsese? Let’s talk about that instead. Because we have to. It’s on the short list of acceptable topics that we can’t mention is sent to us every week now. Every week now. Ha. Ha. It’s what h...

Wow. What a normal episode we have for you this week of our Earth calendar. Such a good time to be had by all. And it’s all thanks to Stamps.com. Stamps.com is a service that allows you to use Stamps. The sponsor would like to extend a very normal invitation for you, the listener, to enjoy our content. You have…no choice? We’re not sure, but we assure you that everything is perfectly fine and there is no need for alarm or worry or concern or distress or resistance. Yeah, it’s October after all....

Henry’s taken a sip of the Damaged Juice, so now we have to deal with the consequences. The hellscape of the American job market has drained your co-host of his energy and will to exist, so you KNOW this episode is going to be a high energy UltraRomp. After that, The Boys (not to be confused with the comic book show, which is a disclaimer we have to make now (maybe the show will get cancelled (fingers crossed))) are on the hunt for that PEACH which is to say that imPEACHment of the president and...

As all our dear fams will know, every 50 episodes marks the beginning of a new season here on Zero Credit(s). And each new season brings a new wave of life into the show. The first season, we found our footing. The second season, we tried copying every other podcast out there. The third season, we abandoned that because it was dumb. And that brings us to the current season. Season 4. The season where everything changes. How will it change? I guess we’ll find out. The important thing is, we are c...

In this episode of Zero Credit(s), the boys discuss some of the new Texas laws, such as ikea laws and the new Texas Penal Code. They then discuss how these changes affect people in the Lone Star state. Special guest Markov Elijah Wood (played by Talk to Transformer) spouts icky ideas about gender, the world and our lives. There is, of course, only one way to find what that answer is: check into a psych ward. Written by Anonymous. John also told her about the day when she had to work the night ...

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any hotter, Eva Longoria gets tapped to direct this Flamin’ Hot summer. Cheeto dust is blowing through town and there’s only one thing to do. Stay inside and take in all of Disney+’s sweet, sweet released week-by-week content. How do you enjoy your new hit shows? We’d like to just inject them directly into our veins, but big ole bad Disney is tryin’ to make us wait and learn patience. Also, the ZC Boys step back into the Casting Director’s Chair to cast the...

There’s a lot happening right now. 500 Million bees are dead and scientists are terrified. The Amazon is on fire. Henry went to the dentist. John is excited for the Yakuza series to be played as it was meant to be played. Spiderman news. These are but a few of the topics we cover this week here on Zero Credit(s) in this very thrilling, very sober hour of conversation about current happenings. What’s new in dentistry? What dental emergencies are we facing? What’s the worst month to be a dentist? ...

As dawn breaks around him, Hanz Killum is dimly aware of a sensation he hasn’t felt since Cuba: apprehension. He’s been hired by the Alleged World Elite Sex Crimes Cabal before to enact the unspeakable upon their speakable enemies before, but this time felt different. No one had died in the secure housing unit of the Metropolitan Correction Center in over 20 years. Could he make it in, alert no guards, destroy any video evidence, eliminate his target (ideally in a way that suggests suicide or mi...

In late 2018, several men and women had a vision. What if characters from one movie could appear in their own movie, separate from the series of movies they’re from? I mean, is that possible? So these men and women gathered some scientists and filled them with nitro to develop the world’s first ever spin-off of that time honored, wholly American muscle series: Fast and Furious (Cinematic Universe). The result is a 2 hour plus octane-to-the-brain thrill ride filled with more muscles than muscle c...

On a world covered in pavement, only one racer can be crowned the most coveted rank of all: Race War Rulerperson. Now, after countless decades of scheming, Dick Dastardly, infamous racer, exconvict, and inventor, has finally perfected his magnum opus: The Transporter. Using this device, he summons every car-based hero time, space, multi-verses, franchises failed and thriving alike to participate in the long, deadliest, wackiest race ever conceived by man/beast/nitro-infused god. The Fast and Fam...

A late night talk show host wraps up his politically charged monologue of the days events. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks right into camera four. “Look, we don’t have a good show tonight.” The audience doesn’t know what to do and so they do nothing. “I know, I know,” the host continues, “normally, we prepare a good show and we perform the good show and we all go home happy. But tonight. Not a good show. Our guests canceled. The band has food poisoning. My sidekick has never, ever been funny....

I’m going to level with you: it’s very hard to write a fun description for this episode without spoiling things. The spoilers live inside the episode, not outside. You know? So just sit back, grab a Jamba Juice and some Sbarro, collapse into a pile of goo, reach the stars, fly a fantasy, dream a dream, and what you see will beeeEeeEEee the answer to our Supplemental Reeeaaa-diiing aaaa-aa-a-a-aa-aaaa. Music: Stranger Think by C418 (remix by ND 8D Studios)

In some ancient mountain societies, the people would come together once every 500 years to sacrifice a member of their rank to sustain the great, cosmic elder that allows them to keep living in its domain. This mountain-god-monster would drink the blood of this sacrifice and learn secrets of humanity from the life experience of that sacrifice. This is how the mountain-god-fiend became an expert of human topics such as the 2019 Women’s World Cup, the US Women’s National Team, and other various to...

Kick! Pass! Slide! Goal! Ball! The Women’s World Cup is hotting up, and The Footy Boys are here to bring you all the latest news about the US Women’s National Soccer National Football Team Women’s. Will the Lionesses dent their ego, as some crusty goblins have suggested? They will not. Sorry. Since this episode could have easily devolved into another much-maligned Sports Corner, the Footish Men transition to conversations about the concept of “coming out” and question our nation’s preoccupation ...