Episodes

Are you frustrated that your husband doesn't help with the kids? This episode explores the surprising reasons why he might be disengaged, including the common "demand-withdraw" pattern and the concept of "maternal gatekeeping," where a mother's actions may unintentionally discourage her partner's involvement. We discuss how to break this cycle by changing the conversation from blame to collaboration. Learn practical strategies for discussing the division of labor, sharing domestic demands, and w...

If you’re living with another human being in this wonderful institution called marriage, then there is a good chance that at some point in your experience as a couple, your spouse is going to experience anxiety. I’ve seen this over and over and believe me, some couples handle it much better than others. Here are some how-to’s and how-not-to’s. This topic was actually spawned by a conversation Caleb had some time ago with a frustrated husband. We’ll call him John. John’s wife was really struggli...

Perhaps you’ve never gone through an affair in your marriage. Or perhaps you have. Have you ever felt the gut wrenching kick to your heart, or spent sleepless nights wondering where he is or what he’s doing? Or maybe you’re completely numb and not feeling anything anymore… There is nothing quite like the pain of betrayal. But life doesn’t end there. Even if it feels like it should. So how do you move on? Slowly and carefully and painfully and deeply. I would really recommend that if somethi...

It is a well-researched fact that having a baby usually has a negative impact on your marital satisfaction. Let’s look at the whole early parenting thing and draw out some important lessons for married couples who are parents or about to become parents. As you transition into parenthood, you’ll want to have some pretty specific parenting and marriages strategies to make sure that mom, babe, and dad are all taken care of because babies make for busy lives! They take a lot of time. But there is ...

We had this idea that we were trying to figure out. If you get really fanatical about church and ministry, does that form a point for your marriage to rally around? Or does that investment come at the expense of your marriage? This is, in part, prompted by the observation that a lot of highly involved spiritual leaders end up with failed marriages. We don’t want to get into the whole issue of fallen pastors and spiritual leaders and the psychology behind that, although that is a very interestin...

Do you ever NOT deal with something between you and your spouse, hoping it will just blow over or that it’s a passing issue? And perhaps life does sail smoothly for a while and then later, BOOM, it comes backs to bite you!? Making it a principle in your marriage to talk about issues sooner rather than later will save you a lot of headaches. For example, it is my nature to procrastinate (or avoid) dealing with issues and just hope they’ll blow over or go away. Unfortunately, it never seems to w...

Ouch, these were painful for me, as a wife, to find out. I don’t even want to think of the times I’ve done these things… AND didn’t even know if it was painful to Caleb. You know, I went through the 3 Best Ways to Ruin Your Wife’s Day and totally understood EVERY ONE of them. I could relate, and fully understand how any one of them would ruin my day. But, when it came to the things that ruined my husband’s day I actually got defensive and figured that the things weren’t actually that bad. That...

Obviously, there will be quite a bit of satire in this post and we don’t actually want you to ruin your wife’s day, but the serious part is this: we want to highlight some key gender differences between guys and gals. Perhaps some of you are like Caleb – you came to marriage having been raised in an all-boys family, and educated in an all-boys school while going to an all-boys church… only to discover that women have certain sensitivities that aren’t even on your male radar…. Before we start, ...

I take Verlynda for granted sometimes. There’s no escaping the truth. In fact, if you pause for a moment I’m sure you’ll have to admit the same with regards to your spouse. What’s odd is that it happens so subtly. But when I finally clue in, it’s so obvious. Kind of the like the proverbial frog in the pot. So let this post serve as a self-check—possibly even a wake-up call—for taking your marriage for granted. It has been suggested that we start taking our marriages for granted around 3.5 yea...

Back to school means a change in routine for many families. Summer holidays are over (or, will be shortly) and once September arrives we’re into a new rhythm. Verlynda and I thought that this adjustment was the perfect opportunity to make sure you prioritize your marriage as you adjust to the new routine. Back To School: Back To Normal This is the last of our shorter episodes this summer, so we’re getting back into our own routines as well! What we want you to think about is putting some pr...

Another quick summer episode here as we take a break from our usual programming. And, contrary to what you might assume from the title, we’re not going to ask you to do anything illegal! A Graffiti Tag for Your Marriage Our graffiti tag is simple. It just looks like C+V. But we have fun putting it in different places. We finger-paint it onto dirty windows, in frosty windows, even under our first Ikea kitchen table. Hey, I even emblazoned it on our lawn with herbicide! We don’t spray it on ...

Marriage can seem pretty complicated. There are scores of websites, hundreds of books and thousands of research articles. And yet folks — perhaps even yourselves – are still struggling. Sticky Notes Are Simple Sometimes it’s nice just to back off from all that complexity. Think simple thoughts. Do simple things that make a difference. In this week’s shorter summer episode (still on holidays – yay!) we take a break from our usual research-based programming to remind you that simple still wor...

I think that one of the lamest things to do is to break up a relationship by text message. Lame, lame, lame. But you’re married now and looking for a way to keep the flame alive, right? So, today as part of our mini-series of short summer episodes we’re looking at a redemptive use of text messages: romancing your spouse! Romantic Texts Help You Keep Connected Text messaging works great for this because it is so quick and easy. Not to make it sound cheap. Quite the opposite, actually. Marria...

Most wedding speeches are lame. There, I said it. Somebody needed to. We have a lot of listeners tuning into our podcast because they’re getting ready for marriage. If that is you, and if you are the groom, in particular, I would like you to heed the advice herein. Epic Wedding Speech-making Your wedding speech is an opportunity to be legendary. The competition is nearly non-existent (think, “…and I’d like to thank Betsy for ALL the work she did on the centerpieces…yawn). Most wedding spee...

Have you ever been in that place? You know, you come home from work… the house is a mess… you don’t want to be there… you’re yelling at the kids… you’re yelling at your spouse because your environment is a mess but it’s like your inside is a mess and your emotions are a mess too. Nobody likes to live like that. Not only that – it’s not good for you either. That’s why we interviewed Marla Cilley, a housekeeping guru commonly known as FlyLady, for some tips on how to get out of this chaos. You’l...

Even if it feels impossible at this moment, I want you to know that it is possible to rebuilt trust, to create safety and to restore intimacy to your marriage. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or simple. I can’t even promise that your trust will never be broken again. But I am saying that it is possible. In every human relationship, probably without exception, there are moments of betrayal. This has been happening for millennia: think even of the words of King David in Psalm 41:9, “Even my ...

So, what if your parents didn’t have a great marriage? Or, maybe other folks who served as role models in your life haven’t modeled a healthy, thriving marriage? Are you hooped, or is there hope? Let’s figure out if there’s any hope. If you are in this situation of having poor role models, you are not alone. This is such a common, shared experience. We all try to do our best as a couple, but even then, I’m sure our kids can see things that they like and will adopt from our relationship, but als...

Because debt reduction is fundamentally a mental issue, not a financial one, this may be a different take on debt reduction that what you might be used to hearing. We’ll give some practical strategies and tactics, but first let’s figure out HOW we think about debt. Finances are a major stressor for most marriages, so here is a checkpoint for you personally. You might already know this, but if you’re not 100% sure, sit down with your spouse and ask them what meanings they assign to debt. Ask the...

Ever get nailed by a surprise bill? Yeah, you knew insurance was due for the year but you thought it wasn’t till next month? This episode is about pain relief! More specifically, relief from the impact of those bigger, occasional, or annual bills. Not only do we need to keep track of our everyday expenses and budget for them, we also need to set up the part of our budget that deals with mid and long term planning. Emergencies also arise, so being prepared for those is very important too. We of...

Today we’re getting into the nitty-gritty of HOW to create a family budget. We’ve done budgets and had to revisit them. We haven’t always been consistent with keeping a budget with moves and job transitions. But when we are budgeting, the stress in our marriage is much lower! First, let’s clarify what we know from what we don’t know. We know: That there are many sound, recommended financial practices That these practices come from reliable sources That following these financial practices a...

Negotiating a family budget can be a real fire-starter for some couples. We may know we need a budget and want to live within our means, but the fights that the discussions cause can be so painful, that it’s easier to avoid them. We want to change that today. For Caleb and I, a lot of our own frustration about money in the past has been because we never got ourselves on the same page. He would get a raise and think he had more spending power – I thought we’d have more to save. Then we’d both be...

Budgeting can feel like such a ball and chain. Why is it such a pain point for so many of us? This is the first article in a mini-series on Family Budgeting. Today we make a case for WHY you need to budget. Usually, every relationship has a spender and a saver. Caleb is our spender, and I am our saver/budgeter! It has taken us a while to negotiate that. For example, we both want a retirement fund. However, Caleb wants to create that wealth by generating revenue, and I want to create that wealt...

Life is busy. So busy. But so often we let other people and other things run our schedules and in the process of allowing this to happen: what really matters to us gets bumped. Like time with our spouse…Date nights…Fun nights…Just time to hang out. What can we do to change that? We all hit phases in life that are busy. It is totally normal! If this is you right now, don’t worry, it doesn’t mean your marriage is done – you’ve done well just to recognize the stage you’re in. I like the phrase fr...

Why the First Orgasm Feels So Out of Reach If you are a married woman who has never had an orgasm, or who has struggled to get there consistently, you are not broken. You are not the exception. You are, clinically speaking, the norm. Research shows that most women take significantly longer than their husbands to reach orgasm, and many wives spend the first several years of marriage unsure of what their body needs or how to ask for it. The good news: orgasm is learnable, and the path to your fir...