Episodes

You weren't trying to blow it up. You weren't trying to say the thing that sent everything sideways. And yet — there you were, reactive and regretful, wondering how you got there so fast. That's dysregulation. And it is not a character flaw. It's not weakness. It's your nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do — except it can't tell the difference between a threat in the wild and a look from your spouse across the kitchen. On this episode of the Save the Marriage Podcast, I sat down ...

Are you and your spouse addicted to blame? Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse's fault (and is your spouse doing the same thing?)? Or maybe you are just blaming yourself. You see this whole mess as YOUR fault. Blame has one single outcome -- STUCK. It robs you of power (and steals away responsibility). Blame is highly corrosive to connection. And it freezes up the process of change. It freezes out any chance for change. And it is unnec...

Sounds so philosophical, doesn't it? Your "created past." What is that? We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back on the other times they hurt us. When someone is kind and loving, we think back on the other loving times. When a couple is connected, they remember connection. When they are disconnected, they remember disconnection. We rewrite the past, based on the present situation. Usually, we just think about how th...

You know something is wrong. You might even know, in some general sense, what needs to change. But you're still stuck. Maybe you've tried things. Maybe you've researched, listened, read. Maybe you've had the conversations, made the gestures, given it time. And yet... here you are. There's a reason for that. And it's not what most people assume. Most people in a marriage crisis think they're stuck because of one thing: they either don't have the right information, or they can't seem to act on wha...

Most people assume a marriage falls apart because something went wrong. A betrayal. A blow-up. A moment where everything changed. But that's rarely how it actually happens. What I've watched — in couple after couple over 25 years — is something much quieter. Much slower. And in a lot of ways, much harder to reverse, because it's almost impossible to see while it's happening. There's a path. A progression. A series of stages that couples move through — not because they want to, not because they'r...

My high school science teacher almost helped me make TNT in the chemistry lab! That's how this episode starts. But it's not really about chemistry. It's about physics. Specifically, it's about momentum... and why the same force that keeps a relationship strong is also the force that quietly destroys it without anyone noticing until it's almost too late. Here's the thing most couples never consider: love isn't what holds a marriage together over time. It's what starts the process. What actually c...

It almost seems redundant, doesn't it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something -- say, for example, your marriage. I say IF you have limited beliefs. Full disclosure: We ALL have limited beliefs that are limiting us. We ALL have blind spots, assumptions, even untrue beliefs. We just don't notice them. And we pay a price for that. Especially since we usually fail to notice or address these limiting beliefs. Do you think your limiting beliefs MIGHT be limiting your life and your ma...

Probably more than you want to admit. I've been playing pickleball for about four years. Started when my wife and I moved to a new community — we were looking for something to do and a way to meet people. Neither of us expected it to become a weekly ritual. But somewhere along the way, I started noticing something I couldn't shake. The patterns showing up on that court? I'd seen every single one of them in struggling marriages. Not as a loose metaphor. As an almost exact parallel. The partner wh...

Einstein said we can't solve our problems with the same thinking that created them. And if you've been working on your marriage—trying hard, putting in effort, doing everything you can think of—but nothing's actually changing? You might be spinning the wheel. Pursuing harder. Forcing conversations. Making grand gestures. Reading every article, watching every video, trying every technique the algorithm throws at you. That's effort. Real effort. But it's pointed in the wrong direction. In the last...

I hear it a lot. Sometimes from someone in the middle of a marriage crisis, trying to make sense of the pain. Sometimes from someone who hasn't hit crisis yet, but carries the belief quietly in the background — like a safety net they don't know they're depending on. "If it's meant to be, it will work out." It sounds like wisdom. It sounds like acceptance. If you've thought it yourself, I understand why. It offers something we all want in a painful moment — a clean explanation that doesn't requir...

"I'm just Type A—that's why we clash." "I'm an Alpha male. This is just who I am." "I'm anxiously attached. I can't help how I react." I hear these statements constantly in my coaching work. And every time, I watch the same thing happen: growth stops. The label becomes a shield. The framework becomes a prison. And the marriage stays stuck. In this episode, I'm examining three of the most popular psychological frameworks people use to explain their behavior—and what the research actually says abo...

In this episode of the podcast, I explore why marriages feel empty even when couples are still together. The answer isn't about compatibility or whether you "married the right person." It's about three essential elements that every strong marriage needs, and what happens when they disappear. I'm bringing together insights from Brené Brown, Tony Robbins, and Jennifer Wallace's new book Mattering to show you a different way of understanding what's really going wrong. These aren't just abstract con...

You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM! You hit a wall. A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up. But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts. In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts. Fears and actions are not the same. Fears are fears. Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power. When you are working on saving a marriage,...

When successful men feel powerful at work but powerless at home, something fundamental is missing. In this episode, Mitchell Osmond, leadership consultant and host of the Dad Nation podcast, shares his journey from rock bottom — facing divorce, depression, and 60 pounds overweight — to creating a framework that helps couples move beyond being "roommates sharing rings." Mitchell introduces the RISE Conversation Ladder, a practical tool for moving from surface-level logistics to genuine emotional ...

Resetting in 2026 New year. Same marriage problems? Here's the thing: most people approach a new year with good intentions but no actual reset. They keep doing the same things, waiting for different results. And when it comes to saving your marriage, that's a recipe for staying stuck. In this week's podcast, I walk you through five critical resets you need to make in 2026. Not resolutions. Resets. There's a difference. If you play pickleball, you know what a reset is. When what you're doing isn'...

You started working on saving your marriage. Good for you! And then, you hit a bump. You get knocked down. Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional. Maybe your spouse is irritable and upset. Maybe it is anger and resentment, yours or your spouse’s. And it knocks you down. Enough that you think it is over. That you are at the end. But are you? Or do you need to get back up? In most things in life, we think the process is (or should be) smooth. I fall for that myth all the time. I thi...

Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year? I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year. And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like A Christmas Carol. This year, I offer you a redux of a prior podcast episode… about the Ghosts of Your Relationship Past. Yep. Christmas, with new opportunities. Here it is: Christmas Eve. Chris and Holly have settled into bed. Neither can sleep. It is not, however, sugarplums dancing in their heads...

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do. And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and what NOT TO do, are important. So, let's cover it! In this episode, I cover 5 more to-do's and to-don'ts. In an earlier episode, I covered 5 more of each. Why is this important? Because most people have the hardest time getting started (and continuing) when they aren't quite sure if they are clear on the path. That said, if you want an overall approach, plea...

“Quiet Divorce.” It seems to be the topic of article after article. And the articles make it seem like, “No big deal, just happens, oh well.” But it IS a big deal. And it ISN’T anything new. Just another way of describing something we have discussed here often… the dangers of disconnection. I talked about this some time ago, when everyone was talking about Quiet Quitting during the pandemic — people were still technically employed, they just weren’t doing anything for the job. They quit the work...

It happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. A spouse negative about the marriage. Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage. You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt). Negativity comes from several sources: fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of understanding, and lack of clarity. Regardless of the source, you may find yourself reacting poorly -- n...

When did it happen? When did your marriage’s trajectory head in the wrong direction? Probably long before you thought, long before you could see it. Almost always, it is a conscious and unconscious collusion between the spouses. And it makes sense. Life… you have to get back to it! After all, you are now married, and your marriage is set up to successfully face life… or is it? At some point, after lots of connection, you have faith in your relationship, faith in your love. So, you hit the Pause ...

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do. And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and what NOT TO do, are important. So, let's cover it! In this episode, I cover 5 to-do's and to-don'ts. And in the next episode, I'll cover 5 more of each. Why is this important? Because most people have the hardest time getting started (and continuing) when they aren't quite sure if they are clear on the path. That said, if you want an overall approach, please...

What gets in the way of you getting traction in your efforts to save your marriage? These days, there is one very substantial reason... one thing that keeps you (and many others) from making progress. And it is only accelerating. What is it? Distraction. Yep, it absolutely gets in your way, pulling you away from what is most important. Pulling you away from priorities and opportunities. What is the antidote? We talk about it in this week's Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURC...

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?" Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?" Are emotions lost and connections missing? Do you and your spouse respond to each other with "zombie grunts?" The infection can be stopped. You can fight the infection and heal the relationship. Don't allow the big 4 symptoms of a zombie infection to overtake your relationship's immune system. Fight back and restore your relationship to the living and the healthy. Okay, to be fair, this is a ...