Episodes

On this week’s episode of Who Wants to Be A Goth Billionaire, we’re catching up on the awkward road trip double date that is Jeremy, the Assassin, Coop, and Jordan as they ride in the back of a paneled truck to a vomitorium. We finally get to meet Fanny/Franny? and Byron’s sons Gunther and Tiger AKA the creators of the new streaming service “Abroha,” where all the rich D-bags go for their speedboat and cigar content. (Pause to read the AI poster. It is fantastic.) There are new characters introd...

Ugh, just when you thought you were safe, Jordan and Coop are back and being obnoxious as usual. Why isn’t he in a cocoon already? When is she going to blow up? Seriously, we are over it. We get another back story because we apparently haven’t had enough. This time it’s the back story of Jordan and Coop’s boss. That’s right, even the minor characters get a flashback. They are faced with a tough decision when Byron comes to visit flashing his wad of cash and his jacket made out of an emergency bl...

Following the most awkward plane ride in history, Dr. Ray quickly realizes that the clock is ticking for Byron – and for himself. He has 855 days to perfect the formula or he’ll be getting more than just a pink slip. Franny’s hate for Byron continues to burn hot, no matter how many billions, or nipples, he has. We get a sneak peek at the inner workings of the lab, two more Beauty origin stories, and, unfortunately, more chimpanzee trauma in the process. Does this episode have rizz? You’ll have t...

This episode hit all our man crush buttons. Emo Evan Peters in love with a woman that clearly doesn’t want him? Kelly is intrigued. Cantankerous, sarcastic Vincent Dinofrio being a dick to everyone? Tiffany is all in. We get Byron’s back story and where The Beauty began. Spoiler, it was not pretty. The assassin and Jeremy are hitting the clubs and the shoulder pads are sharp enough to put an eye out. Coop is finally reunited with Irina, oops we mean new Jordan, and they decide to do the most log...

Get ready to cover your eyes and prepare yourself for all trigger warnings. This one is called Beautiful Chimp Face and sadly there is not a Tonya or Tonka in sight. Instead, we’ve got a really sweaty and kind of mean Ben Platt. All we are saying is, Aaron Tviet would never IYKYK. The assassin is giving Jeremy the Pretty Woman treatment complete with shopping montage, tight pants and huge shoulder pads. Big Mistake! Huge! Byron is being a money hungry jerk and Coop’s cat died, which kind of make...

“Flailing, she threw me away…” that could be the theme song of this episode and Meghan Trainor could sing it. The virus is still on the move, Ashton Kutcher is getting a blowie on a boat, and Coop is locked up in a truly gorgeous Italian jail. Sign us up to be interrogated next. Meanwhile, the assassin and Jeremy are embarking on a road trip from hell while plastic surgeon Jon Jon is chopping up bodies like his life depends on it, which it kind of does. Jordan is MIA, probably off feeling her ne...

Two episodes without a six month lag in between? Who are we?! We’re back and asking the real questions. Does knowing several languages make you hotter? Why does Jeremy look like sexy Squidward? Why is Jordan being such a brat? (Also, she’s gorgeous and needs zero upgrading thank you) Is Anthony Ramos going to sing to us? Why is Coop fighting like the Wile E. Coyote with a pile of Acme bricks? What is hotter – sad emo boys or old men cowboys? We know our thoughts on that one. Guess you’ll have to...

New show, who dis? That’s right it’s your favorite cohosts attempting to be real podcasters again. We are back and we are breaking down the new Ryan Murphy series “The Beauty.” Episode one plops us down in the world of the rich, famous, and beautiful at a fashion show. The only problem? These models are too hot to handle. Like explosively hot. Seriously, these chicks are blowing up. It’s ok though because Evan Peters and Rebecca Hall are here to save the day, when they aren’t busy whining about ...

We are back! Well, kind of. We’re doing our best, ok? Thank you all for hanging in there with us as we try to juggle life and all the things. We ease back into that podcasting routine by bringing you our infamous Top Ten countdown. You know you’re curious about our favorite shows from this year that have had us shrieking in delight, left our mouths agape, and our cheeks wet with tears. Grab your notebook and pen and prepare to jot these titles down for future viewing, welcome to The Top Ten List...

It’s here. Finally the finale. Tonya has been found out and the cavalry has arrived to save Tonka. Tonya’s flabbers have been ghasted. She has no idea who could have ratted on her. It couldn’t possibly be the film crew that’s documenting every detail of her crimes. As usual, things dissolve into chaos as Tonya opens a zoo, gets attacked by a chimp, call Eric Goode’s mom a ho, and FINALLY sees the inside of a cell herself. Where is Tonka in all this? Listen and find out. – Tiffany and Kelly – S...

Surprise! We’re actually back back this time. Tonia is here to spill all the tea on how she kidnapped Tonka. It’s a scene straight out of a Dateline reenactment. Complete with a decomposed, headless chimp corpse; questionable county assessor/embezzler/auction enthusiast; and the worst wig in the history of all the Party City franchises. We also meet Jamie, who gives us the story of Buck, another domesticated chimp who died tragically. She tells this all while installing a sex swing, because Eric...

Oh hey, remember us? It’s been a bit. Ok it’s been longer than a bit. It’s been a bunch. We’ve had a request to get off our bums and finish the absurdity that is Chimp Crazy. You ask and we deliver. And honestly, this is a story we feel like the world needs to hear our thoughts on. To quickly recap, Tonya is cuckoo bananas. Tonka the chimp is “missing.” We dig into the tragic story of Travis the chimp and the horrific attack that resulted in a woman needing a face transplant. All the trigger war...

We’re baaaaack! We know it’s been awhile but we are back at it with a whole new crop of crazy. We’re taking a hard left from dramatic series to a docuseries and trust us, you won’t be disappointed. Welcome to the world of chimp lovers. No that is not a typo. These are real people who believe that primates are their children. This show is wild! Episode one features a woman breast feeding a chimp and that’s the most normal thing that happens. Sit down, settle in and buckle up for the wonder that i...

It’s finally over. We officially know what happened to Luke! The sad thing is, we don’t care. We never cared. Luke is the worst. We’re ready to Chatham Goodbye this entire series but we’re still trying to figure out what was Lily’s deal. What was wrong with Debbie? What is Isabelle’s problem? When and why did Megan go goth? What happened to the baby? Who is now sitting on Luke’s empty shelf? Why did it take us a year to watch this show? Sadly, some questions just never have answers. Join us as w...

Have you been wondering why Luke is the way he is? We know we haven’t. Yet, here’s an entire episode about poor, poor Luke. With his rich dad who resents him and his sleazy older brother who makes fun of him, the kid has it rough. All he wants to do is join the Coast Guard but noooo, he has to go to a super fancy college instead. Why is life so hard??? Anyway, here’s another pointless episode where absolutely nothing happens for 40 minutes. Thankfully, we are here to break it down and make it en...

We’re back! Hard as we try we just can’t quit this wretched show. So quick recap: It’s New Year’s Eve and Megan and Isabella are on a mission to clear their reputations. This all culminates into some light BDSM, video taped confessions and at least a dozen trips to the sheriff’s office. We have so many questions. What is up with Lily? Why is she simultaneously 9 and 35? Why is Megan’s lawyer still returning her calls? What is Ned’s door code and why does the entire town know it? Come along with ...

It’s New Years Eve! In the past, Megan and Luke play the lamest game of Hide and Seek ever recorded. Back in the future, Steve is going all Stone Cold Steve Chambers on Ned and pretty much everybody else. Back in the winter interesting times, Luke makes a New Year’s resolution to be bad boy. Watch out world, He’s jumping off that shelf and straight into juvie! Isabella makes the resolution to stop befriending random girls who get her accused of homicide. And, Megan has made the resolution to con...

Are you ready to plunge back into the poop storm that is this show? We know we are. It’s Luke’s birthday! And contrary to popular belief, he is not turning 12. To celebrate, this episode is filled with scenes of him shirtless and working out so…please wear the appropriate eye wear to shield yourself from the glare of his ghostly white chest and dangerously sharp ribs. In the winter time, Megan is putting her full hacker knowledge to work while being held hostage, and future Debbie and Steve are ...

“Jingle bells, Trevor tells, Megan’s full of rage.” It’s Christmas time which means it’s time to tell the ones you love exactly how you feel. For Megan that means pouting and pitching a fit because people bought her expensive gifts and are being nice. How dare they! Meanwhile, Isabella receives a surprise visitor and, no matter what the tiny Santa hat on her head may imply, she is also not happy about it. Luke is there, also wearing a Santa hat, and all we want for Christmas is for him to get ba...

Past Megan has had it with her good girl reputation and wants to be baaaaad, so she does the most logical thing possible and hacks into the DMV to make some fake IDs. Meanwhile in the winter time, Debbie’s house is crumbling around her ears so she packs up the girls and heads to the Chambers’ house for a sleepover…with the kid who made a sex tape of her daughter without her consent. As you might imagine, things get really awkward really fast. Megan is feeling super jealous of Luke and Isabella’s...

Poor Summer of 1999 Megan. She has no idea that she’s only been invited on a boy’s camp out to be the pack mule and to make sandwiches. But never fear, Brent is here, to lighten the mood with conversations about Princess Farts. Meanwhile, Luke is doing his best Elf on the Shelf impression while skipping a rock angrily. The only highlights of this episode were Luke’s dad Steve turning into Stone Cold Steve Austin and Jeff’s confusion of what exactly blackmail is. No worries, Jeff. Sheriff Jack ha...

Welcome to Chatham, where the school principal holds all the power and inflatable sex toys are plentiful. It’s the day after the Christmas party and everyone is reeling from the fallout. Isabella wants to give her side of the story which involves a lot of jealousy, breaking and entering, and problematic sex tape storage. We also flash back to the pool party that started it all where Megan is playing the saddest game of Marco Polo ever recorded. – Tiffany and Kelly – Song credit – Scott Holmes ...

It’s that time of year when you want to kick back, relax and enjoy some quality television created by a 12 year old girl and her cat. That’s right, folks. We’re back for Cruel Summer Season 2! This season has everything we loved about season 1 including emo hairstyles that match our feelings, moms that act like teens, rich families that own the town, sex scandals, guy BFF’s and giant plot holes! Come join us on this chaotic ride and we promise to not make you stay in a RV in the driveway. – Tif...

Girls- Hey Van, tell us the story! Van – Of course. Settle in children with your frozen dinner of sweet, sweet Javi meat, and I’ll spin you a tale of woe. Once upon a time… Lottie-Hey! Do you guys remember when Shauna kicked my ass? That was a rough but I recovered in 3 days so it’s cool. Van – Once upon a time, there was a group of adult women and not a one of them knew how to shuffle cards properly.. Lottie – I like corn! Van – And they all gathered together at a compound with their poor ...