Episodes

Here we go round the prickly pear Prickly pear prickly pear Here we go round the prickly pear At five o’clock in the morning The time has come for The Best. The time has come for The Worst. Together your hosts purge the year 2016 from the collective consciousness in the ancient tradition, the unending tradition. One survives, the other is left to die in obscurity. So much has been forgotten already, and so much more waits to be lost. We’ve allowed this to happen by choosing to exist, we’ve a...

Hey listeners, Henry and John set out this week to have a bad episode and boy do they just have all the egg on their faces. But first, John explains the concept of Bigger Luke in great detail and thoroughness to the point that it both confuses and enrages Henry. We then take a trip down the memory lane to the video store and reflect on what it means to have too many options, not that we’d ever want them stripped away. Hey, hey, then we play a fun Star Wars game. Can you guess the thing? Probably...

John and Henry are back again and excited about a big budget Hollywood movie? Say it ain’t so! It is so. This is how it is. The boys dig deep on this one, folks: the directorial trajectory of David Yates, the father of modern anime wizard magic; the stellar performances supplied by Edwood Redward, Karen ???, Colin Farrell, and Jaaaacobbb? Kowalski; the troubled existence of Big Horny Rhino Monsters. A doozy for sure. Avada kadoozy. For real, though, John and Henry really have a surprising amount...

Hey there dedicated fans! It’s Thanksgiving in the Zero Credit(s) household, or well, really it’s not. Thanksgiving is for families and we’re more of a loosely constructed conglomerate of coolness, so we’re wishing you one hip Coolsgiving instead. Let’s all give Cool Thanks to the things we enjoy most, that also happen to be cool. (Description writer here, I forgot the notepad, so I’ll have to guess what else is in the episode, don’t tell John or Henry. They can’t read inside parentheses so they...

The moratorium on political discussion in the Zero Credit(s) offices remains lifted just long enough for a post-mortem to the 2016 presidential election to slink in. Freed from their obligation to remain timely or relevant, the boys discuss Satanism (or symbols which may imply Satanism) for a time. Then, Henry squanders his one chance at time travel to resurrect a long dead segment just for a chance to discuss Dan Harmon’s Anomalisa. To close out the evening, an otherwise innocuous listener topi...

This episode begins with a tale of two intros, as we can’t claim to predict the future. We then dive into the horrible world of politics, maybe for the last time, as big things shake up our questionable nation. Let it be known, we do show bias here, some for comedy and some for real. We never claimed to be journalists. We then dive into a new segment known as Mystical Magical Bullshit, where John poses us a question to ponder while also supplying all the knowledge that we need to be able to answ...

Listeners, it’s time, time indeed For another Zero Credit(s) HalloSCREAM! Now this might come as quite a shock, As the boys launch into TV talk, But don’t you worry, close your eyes, Cuz Dylan’s won that Nobel Prize. In dark abyss you’ll soon be falling Pondering ’bout texting vs. calling, And then you’ll ask, at your own risk: “What can I make now with a whisk?” So grab your wigs and let’s get spooky, And wonder about horror movies. This year’s ‘sode is really somethin’ ANY WORD TH...

Special guest Michael joins us for a rousing fanboy-fueled talk for paranormal cartoon thriller Gravity Falls in what might be our lightest Supplemental Reading yet. Come listen to us 75% gush, 25% critique this seemingly benign kid’s show that’s chalk full of continuity-themed goodies. If you haven’t finished watching the show, you shouldn’t listen to this episode, cause this is a land full of spoilers. We might revisit the series at a later date to really dive into the concepts and ideas of th...

THIS TIME ON ZER0 CREDIT[S]: Henry and John sit hunched in a dark room, sheltered momentarily from the approach of the Yard Men. FADE IN: Henry and John talk some about books and the words contained therein. SMASH CUT: to an at once riveting and misinformed exploration of ennui vs anomie. REVERSE SHOT: what’s up with all the nihilist memes. BANG! ZOOM! STRAIGHT TO THE: PoliTalk (forbidden segment do not listen). We’re back, babies. Zero Credit(s) chapter 2 starts here. Don’t dog-ear.

Listener, the ZC boys have been on a journey. After being ousted from the safe-haven of Google Drive, Zero Credit(s) was forced to exist offline for quite some time, and boy did they take advantage of the situation. With the freedom that comes with no consequences, we tear into other podcasts who fall short of their promised goals. But let’s not talk about that (#ZeroCreditsMarcMaronBeef, #ZeroCreditsHowDidThisGetMadeBeef). Instead, let’s talk about why people love Halloween so much. I mean, peo...

Listeners, it's best you strap yourself in twice for this episode, and we don't mean with the regular standard strength seat belts. We dive straight into questions of the singularity, who owns the rights to say what one can do with one's body, and the possibility of over-the-counter steroids/hormones. Zero Credit(s) then achieves it's primary objective before we transform utterly into fanboys for Khari Walgren. If you listen to this Khari, you're awesome and we're also sorry. If you're not Khari...

Oh, dear listener! What a treat awaits! Henry and John are in rare form this night, as they thoroughly flex their ignorance muscles amid a crowd of meticulously fact-checked podcasts. They are generally confused as to how Nepalese people arrive in the United States, but are certain that farts are gross. MYSTERY EMAILER X darkens their doorstep once more to flummox them with unsolvable riddles, and invites them to discuss the nature of riddles. A very dire and well-deserved State of the Human Add...

Special guest Logan joins us in this dangerous episode where the Zero Credit(s) gang converse about improv and the art of cooperative narratives. The episode only gets more dangerous from there, as John and Henry find themselves transported to a world where Logan represents fate, God, or just plain consequences. You'll have to listen to find out what I mean, dear listener, for this description writer will not spoil what lies in these Dungeons. Link: Episode 32: (It's Dragons) Music: Curse of the...

Schumacher up some champagne because, Sugar, we’re going down. Down to a new episode of Zero Credit(s). In keeping with the continued efforts to maintain maximum freshness, we have procured a Maddi for your listening pleasure. Join the Crew N’ Frenz as they ask the age-old question: “Sports, What’re You Doin’?” Baseball, water polo, no mysterious sport is safe from our analytical gaze. Did someone say “Fall Out Boy?” Because we sure did! At least 5 times. Pull that train back into Ghostbusters S...

It's new episode time and just as always, me, the episode detail writer remembered to actually write the description in time and in no way am I writing this seconds before the episode goes live. Now, John and Henry have decided to make good on one of their promises and tapping into the latest technology known as LASERS have produced a super focused, on-topic episode filled with new segments. The Olympics, Lochtes, and our problems fill the time with glee and joy and Questions From You With State...

Hei there, listeners, and welcome to the newest episode of Zero Credit(s). This fresh and lively episode is packed to the gills (gross) with information about modernism, postmodernism, and onsen monkeys. While we struggle with to get our microphone working, John struggles with his own identity as a performer while assembling meaning from Henry's recollection of philosophical movements, which is fine. With What Did You Watch put on temporary hiatus, Henry talks about video games and somehow they ...

**This video contains spoilers for the hit Netflix series Stranger Things** In the distant year of 1983, a podcast disappeared and a small town in Indiana? the continental Midwest worked tirelessly to investigate what exactly a podcast was and if they should care that it disappeared. That podcast was us, (you know, Zero Credit(s)) and we've just made it back from a dark, empty place where figures moved in the distance. We're ready to tell all about our experiences there, where there was a televi...

Hey Zero Creditors, John here. Today’s episode is a real special one. Despite being forbidden from discussing Disney Pixar’s perennial masterpiece “Cars,” Henry and I still find some way to entertain. First, we race over to a new segment called “What the Frackfeed.com,” which really gets our motors running. Forty years ago, that interstate down there didn’t exist, and neither did big budget DC superhero movies directed by Jack Snyder and Not-Zack Snyder. While it may not be a very famous racecar...

It was a normal day in the Zero Credit(s) house, but then John tripped an old lady who wanted bread and now we're both cursed with the shark-infested task of bringing you this fresh, hot episode. John moves further up the chain at his new job and Henry loses his altogether due to the nature of seasonal work, leaving us wondering why aren't curses more prominent in modern day film and television? Sharks. We then tread the waters of a tremendous Netflix themed What Did You Watch? where all is not ...

Deep in an underground bunker, protected from all forms of fact-checking and rhetorical accountability, Henry and John tackle the definition of life for about five minutes before discarding it and instead discuss the week’s hottest topics. They discuss and show you politics and plagiarism in your daily lives. That is a lesson that they continue to pass along to their son: Ghostbusters. And they need to pass those lessons on to the many generations of Julia Louis-Dreyfuses to follow. Because they...

Zero Credit(s) returns from a mountain to discuss the most important mobile phone app that has ever or will ever exist: Zero Credit(s) Go, the game where you walk around things. Catch topics like white water rafting, the beauty of Colorado, and, of course, Pokemon. Then it all turns into a pinata filled with bees as John whips out his tyrannical piece of paper. Introducing Epiphitize Me Cap'N, a segment in which John has realized. . .something, while Henry tires his hardest to derail everything ...

Welcome listeners, philosophers, and Russian computers to this episode of Zero Credit(s)! You braved the swamp of inexplicable depression and have found yourself thrust into the sunlight of mild contentment. This light falls on a land of Tetrilogies, intertextuality, and coding. As we all cope with life in a post-Schultz world, we comfort ourselves with some snappy walk-and-talk dialogue about the ease of getting into coding before we descend into a cool bath of What Did You Watch fluid. Dory ju...

A sad cloud moves into the Zero Credit(s) house and refuses to leave Henry or John alone, so buckle up for an anti-rousing diatribe against depressing business practices and job hunting woes. But first, let us learn of the somewhat confusing and totally not made up legend of Ralph McGinnis, who ventured forth to return a bag of marbles at a party and ended up defeating the devil by accident in a desert looking for treasure. It's a grand ole time, complete with our first ever fan-art celebration ...

Every half-remembered fact about video games you could ever want, all under the roof of one podcast. Join Henry and John as they excitedly discuss video game press conferences that happened weeks ago. Afterwards, they discuss some self-aware tech culture television and what it really means to live in a Love Hotel. Death Stranding. Link: Lookin' for Lobster in All the Wrong Places Featuring music by Kevin MacLeod at Incompetech