Episodes

In today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding. Shirl and Natty take a look at some Mary Jane Paul’s unhealed trauma and how it contributes to the way she does life. Mary Jane didn’t come out of the womb wanting to every area of her life to be perfect — she didn’t come out of the womb want to save all the people. Perfectionism is actually rooted in emotional neglect that usually starts in childhood and follows you into adulthood. Tap in to this episode to hear what they have to say abou...

How many times have you found yourself asking: Why do I keep attracting men that cheat? Men who don’t consistently choose me? Men who are emotionally unavailable? Men with no ambition? You got questions, Shirl and Natty got answers. Tap in to this episode to hear what they have to say about why Mary Jane Paul (and you) keep getting love bombed and often finds herself in unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships. And be sure to join us in the Shades of Strong Facebook Community to share your thoug...

If perfectionism is the enemy of happiness, why are so many striving for it?!? WHEW!!! That’s a loaded question, right? But the truth is none of us wants to be perfect because perfectionism is too heavy a burden to bear. What we really want is to be LOVED, ACCEPTED, and fully ALIGNED with who we were created to be. In today’s episode, Shirl and Natty share pieces of their journey to how perfectionism was ingrained in their lives from childhood and how they escaped it. Press play to hear what the...

Somewhere along life’s journey, Mary Jane Paul [like so many Black women] got the message that the needs of others should be prioritized over hers. She went from one unhealthy relationship to the next giving others the very things she was lacking in her life. In today’s episode, Shirl and Natty peel back more layers of Mary Jane Paul in an effort to determine what her kryptonite is. Just knowing what you know of Mary Jane Paul, what do you think her kryptonite (the thing that weakens her) is? Th...

In today’s episode of the Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding series Shirl and Natty welcome listeners to the first day of peeling back the layers of Mary Jane Paul of the hit show Being Mary Jane. Being Mary Jane is a story of a single Black woman trying to balance a busy career, a needy family, and an extremely complicated personal life all while living up to a misguided view of perfection and success. Mediocrity is never an option for Mary Jane. She/s out here in theese news anchor streets with...

Today is the final day of uncaping, unmasking, and unhiding Annalise Keating. Shirl and Natty close it by offering a few strategies to overcome living a life of a manipulator and performer. It’s so easy to UNKOWINGLY get caught up in this kind of behavior, but there a is so much freedom and just being you and not feeling the need to “trick” others into meeting your needs. Think about the emotional labor that goes into being a master performer and master manipulator — the emotional labor that goe...

In today’s episode of the Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding series Shirl and Natty tackle the topic of what happens when you choose to live a life where you’re hiding your true self. Shirl and Natty are both of the belief that hiding your true self is a form of self abuse and encourage listeners to STAND IN THEIR TRUTH and SHINE A LIGHT ON IT. …but before you can stand in your truth or stop hiding who you really are, you first need to Know who you are, tap in to hear their thoughts on how you ca...

The UNCAPING, UNMASKING, and UNHIDING with Shirl and Natty is getting real. In today’s episode as they start wrapping up peeling back the layers of Annalise Keating, they take a deep dive into the murky world of the manipulator to address some of the consequences of engaging in manipulative behavior. In this conversation Shirl and Natty get honest about being on the receiving end of a manipulator, as well as the mental and emotional effects of the same. But they don’t just stop there, they also ...

In today’s episode of the UNCAPING, UNMASKING, and UNHIDING series, Shirl and Natty take look at Annalise’s lack of emotional safety and the situational or childhood trauma that contributed it to thereby leading her in manipulative and controlling behavior. A few things they explored in this conversation were the varying circumstances that causes feelings of lack of security and safety, how most don’t recognize they’re engaging in manipulative or performative behavior and how challenging it can ...

In today’s episode of the UNCAPING, UNMASKING, and UNHIDING series, Shirl and Natty take a look at Annalise’s response to her lived experiences to determine what her trauma response is — fight, flight, fawn or freeze. While the fight trauma response is about self-preservation and often times vindication, the flight trauma response is about fleeing the situation physically, mentally and/or emotionally. Annalise actually exhibits behaviors of both. So what say you? Tap in to this episode to hear o...

Growing up in an unpredictable or unsafe environment forces you into a space where you feel the need to control everything and everyone. Such was the case with Annalise Keating. In yesterday’s episode, Shirl and Natty discussed Annalise’s cape and mask as the master manipulator and master performer. In today’s episode they chat it up about how her manipulative behavior gave birth to the need to control the outcome of not only life’s circumstances, but the need to control those around her as well...

There’s nothing badass about being a MASTER MANIPULATOR or a MASTER PERFORMER, but some how Annalise Keating makes it look desirable. Join Shirl in Natty in today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding, where they start the process of UNCAPING AND UNMASKING Annalise Keating from the hit show, How to Get Away with Murder. While Oliva Pope and Cookie Lyon were caught up in people pleasing and people proving, Annalise Keating was all about that master manipulator and master performer life. ...

Aren’t you tired of trying to prove your worth, your love, yourSELF to all the people? In today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding, as Shirl and Natty wrap up their conversation on unmasking Cookie Lyon, they offer some practical and easily implementable strategies to support you in stepping out of the space of feeling like you have something to prove. One of the masks that Black women unconsciously adorn themselves with is the “people proving” mask where we’re trying to convince oth...

Have you been or are you now someone’s ride or die? In today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding, Shirl and Natty give you a peek inside at what being the ride or die has looked like in their lives from a romantic and parental point of view… …because just in case you’re wondering, you can be a ride or die to your parents as well. As a matter of fact, you can be a ride or die to anyone in your life, and you don’t have to settle for toxicity in your life just because “that’s still your ...

In today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding Natty and I are shedding light on how being a “people prover” robs us of our vulnerability, our self-confidence, and our worthiness. We also talk about how often Black women are “misunderstood” and as a result are labeled as “angry” and how fighting to prove we’re not angry is a losing battle. There’s a lot of “liquid gold” in this episode, so go ahead and click play and when you’re finished we would love to see your face in the Shades of S...

Cookie Lyon didn’t just wake up one morning thinking, “I got sh*t to prove”. Her lived experiences pushed her into that space. Although you’ve probably never given it much thought, the same holds true for you. Your need to prove yourself is rooted in your lived experiences dating back to childhood. In today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding “featuring” Cookie Lyon, we’re taking a look at a few of the things that pushed her into the “people proving” space. Our hope is that you will r...

Listen! Cookie Lyon DID NOT come out the gate swinging. The way we see it (considering all the hell she went through) she had two options — FIGHT or FLIGHT, and if you know anything about Cookie Lyon, you KNOW she is NOT about that FLIGHT life. In today’s episode of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding we’re taking a look at the fight trauma response as it relates to Cookie Lyon, and the events that thrust her into fight mode. Tune in now as we chat it up about how “normal” the fight trauma respons...

Alright guys!! Today we’re continuing our conversation on Cookie Lyons — the RIDE or DIE chick none of us wanted to be. As much as we LOVE Cookie Lyon, we are SO NOT here for how (on so many occasions) she was willing to RIDE or DIE for Luscious. So, I think it’s safe to say that for this Black Superwoman, her kryptonite is definitely her ride or die characteristics. One of the characteristics of the Black Superwoman Syndrome is feeling obligated to help others even when that “help” is not being...

This week we’re peeling back the layers of another “Black Superwoman” in our 30 Days to Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding series. To some, Cookie Lyon of the hit show Empire, may be the epitome of the angry Black woman because she’s loud, rude, and obnoxious… …but we LOVE her and we happen to think that she’s the epitome of the GREATNESS — the SHO NUFNESS that lies inside of all Black women. So, in today’s episode we take a peek at the personality of Cookie Lyon and why she’s so easily labeled a...

In today’s episode we’re wrapping up our conversation on Olivia Pope. Over the past week we’ve take a deep dive into her people pleasing characteristics and behaviors to get a bird’s eye view of why she does life the way she does. It is hope that you were able to recognize some of your own people pleasing characteristics, how they were “birthed” into you, and what steps you can start taking to unlearn those behaviors. Tune in as Shirl and Natty share starter strategies on how you can finally kic...

We are continuing our conversation on the dangers of living a life of people pleasing and how Black women easily fall prey to it because of the unreasonable expectations we place on ourselves and how we succumb to the outrageous expectations of others. There are countless negative consequences attached to people pleasing. In today’s episode we take a look at what ten years of people pleasing looks like in day to day living and how it nearly destroyed a life. Check it out and when you’re finished...

People pleasing may seem like a harmless act of love”, but the truth is it can lead to serious health risks, including stress, anxiety, and depression. It is virtually impossible to be all the things to all the people AND prioritize your own self care. People pleasing leaves little time for rest, relaxing, or exercising which can lead to anger, burn out, and overwhelming feelings of sadness. In today’s episode we take a look into the risks of people pleasing and how they show up in our day to da...

As we continue “uncaping” and “unmasking” Olivia Pope & the people pleaser in her, we discover that people pleasers often start out as PARENT PLEASER If children spend the majority of their childhood/teen years conforming to the needs, desires, and expectations of their parents, and are constantly seeking approval and acceptance, they’ll eventually start believing that the only way they’ll receive love and nurturing is when they’re [unconsciously] taking on the role of people pleaser. In today’s...

We’re baaaccck!!!! In Day 3 of 30 Days of Uncaping, Unmasking, and Unhiding we’re taking a look at the side effects of the Black Superwoman Syndrome.. We’re continuing our examination of Scandal’s Olivia Pope and how the characteristcs of the Black SUPERWOMAN show up in our individual lives. Today’s episode looks at how and why Olivia didn’t have the emotional support she needed in her life, why a vast majority of Black women are lacking the same, how our chlldhood experiences contribute to that...