Episodes

When you want to be accepted by others you will be controlled by them. Now think about it, it’s their choice whether they will accept you—you must meet their standards (probably multiple standards) and even if you meet their standards, they still may not accept you. Ultimately it comes down to whether they want to accept you or not. And, if you really want to be accepted, you may compromise or ignore your values and beliefs. That's one reason why gangs work and good people do bad things they did...

Past promises or goals you made can become obligations. It is no longer what you "want" it is now a “have to do”. Now all obligations are not evil, that is not the point. When you start sensing the "have to do" you begin to ignore that you still have freedom to do it or not. You have taken a desire or want, a good goal or commitment and now it requires compliance, blocking any sense of choice or freedom.

As with most of this relationship material, I represent the way to NOT be doing relationships. And, for this control people item, that's me! I speak control fluently and will tell you it severely damages relationships.

It's a very old problem, kids blaming their parents for how they turned out. And from the parents side, taking credit for the kids turning out well or feeling like losers when the kids don't. God speaks directly to that issue in Ezekiel 18.

You are "concerned" that you see sin in their life and you know from God's Word that the consequences of sin are never good. What should you do? Since they are free to sin, do you ignore it and hope they make another choice? Do you get involved and tell them about the sin and hope they change? Do you tell them about the sin and try to make them change? What if they never change?

Our working definition of freedom is "Acting without force or manipulation or acting without controlling or being controlled." Freedom is often not easy for us to understand, especially how it works in relationships. Without freedom in a relationship, you will never know if someone is relating to you simply because they want to. Go listen to "The Third Tool" on the Radio page to help you start understanding how freedom works in relationships. And, watch the "Freedom and Choice" videos in chapter...

You are probably not experiencing as much freedom as you think. Even when we are irresponsible with our freedom, not caring about others, we often become controlled by life, circumstances and people. Go listen to "Two Ways to Live and The Third Tool" on the Radio page to listen how we too often live in this Left Circle. And, watch the "Freedom for You: Two Circles" videos in chapter 8.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is so good for you, but it gets derailed when you combine it with things like reconciliation. If you think you must reconcile with someone that may prevent you from the freedom you can have through forgiveness. Listen to hear how reconciliation is completely separate from forgiveness.

Forgiveness will heal a multitude of relationship problems, but it is not natural to consider it, especially shortly after someone has hurt you. The pain of what they did to you typically removes any thinking about forgiveness—the actual cure for you.

How is it possible that what attracts you to someone could actually become a big problem later in the same relationship? All couples are faced with this issue, so listen to hear how this works.

Whenever I hear someone say some version of "they are falling in love," it not only tells me they do not understand love, but also they are unlikely to know the basics of relationships. Unfortunately, if you believe people "fall in love" you must believe that people "fall out of love." What a horrible distortion of what love is and how to have a great relationship.

When you have difficulties in a relationship, it is easy to wonder how long the problem will last. Worse yet, when one person is unwilling to make changes to help the relationship, it is very easy to wonder how long you can take it. The predominant question seems to be, “What if this never changes?”This podcast is an essential resource for anyone struggling with those thoughts.

If you want personal transformation, the Lord has graciously provided all the steps to achieve it. If you’re going to coach someone to make changes or improve their life, you need to hear the Godly way to do this. Personal transformation includes our choice and God’s power. It is your partnership with God that He has already said that He will accomplish in you. It is simply a matter of letting Him proceed by faith in His perfection and desire to pursue your best. Our difficulty is continuing to ...

When you hear and see how the words male and female are used in Hebrew, you get a clearer understanding of the need for God in marriage. God designed man and woman for a perfect complementary relationship. He designed them in His image, which becomes even more interesting when you look at the Hebrew words for man and woman in Genesis.

In the previous episode, you heard my belief about the unifying theory of life. It is all about the image of God and involves...truth and loveseparate and belongingpowerful and relationalEach two-word combination is an excellent way to think about the Image of God. When you review both Old and New Testament scriptures, you will find the context typically supports those combinations of words. And this same concept is seen throughout life - in movies, religions, personality tests, and, obviously, ...

After her third divorce, Deborah was mad at life and men for at least 4 years. But, she did not realize how failure can lead to success. Utlimately, she decided to listen to God, who led her to the Hope for the Family seminar. Created by Dr. Marlin Howe, that seminar changed her life and blossomed into GR8 Relationships. So, God used her failure to lead her to His success for her.

Holidays are expected to bring joy and peace, but they often don't and you end up with "turkey and stressing"! Those times end up hurting relationships and not knowing what to do. Well, here are some guidelines to consider on how to have a difficult conversation which can lead to getting the relationship back on track. Unfortunately, most people will just let the tension remain rather than try to resolve it. Be different this year, do what God desires!

By the time Deborah was 28, she went through 3 divorces. But, being divorced 3 times is only part of the story. Deborah's complete story is a great example of God's healing and restoration. In fact, she is open and vulnerable about her former life. Now she ministers to others praising God for what He allowed into her life.

God does not like the proverb about sour grapes. "As I live," says the Lord GOD, "you shall no longer use this proverb in Israel." (Ezekiel 18:3) What is it about that proverb that God does not like?

Which is more important - self-governance or self-esteem? The emphasis of our education system and society is primarily on self-esteem. Subsequently, the population continues to increase its Narcissistic mindset. And, the investment is creating huge societal problems. It is time to reconsider the investment and look for something better like self-governance or self-control.

When families get together, all of the family history arrives. That can be good or bad. It is almost always difficult for those families when problems have not been resolved.

Self-control is critical for all of us. But consider this, those with the most self-control use it far less in emergencies. What makes them so different from the rest of us?

Multitudes of self-help gurus, psychologists, and educators promote loving yourself - loving "ME". Unfortunately, what's worse is Satan loves this teaching! So, what about you? Do you think loving yourself supports something that Satan absolutely loves and practices? Well, go look at Dr. Carle Zimmerman's research. He says that the self-love that self-help gurus promote is actually the key element that destroys civilizations. And, check out Willpower by Dr. Baumeister, especially chapter 9, whic...