Episodes

In this Self-Coaching episode Lauren and I talk about improving your social/people skills. By injecting empathetic communication into your social exchanges you can learn to progress from small talk to real talk. Becoming a better communicator means learning to overcome emotional hesitation by developing your self-trust muscle. Self-trust begins with a willingness to risk connecting with others. You can keep it simple at first, perhaps just a nod or smile as you pass someone on the street or at t...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss living without regrets. A regret is looking back over your shoulder, lamenting what was. Why do we do it? One reason may be that we're punishing ourselves for not being perfect enough, good enough, smart enough, and so on. Letting go of the past—especially the regrettable past—requires the courage to insist that today’s challenges don’t become contaminated by yesterday’s regrets. Next time you find yourself swimming with regret, take a breath a...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how thoughts matter. Whether those thoughts emanate from active, passive, or no-mind choices, it’s up to you to decide what serves you and what hurts you. Learn how you can choose Active-Mind to actively reject insecurity-driven thinking (doubts, fears, and negatives). By learning techniques like the ABC method, active ignoring, or envisioning, you can STOP dancing with shabby, destructive thinking while reclaiming your serenity. You’ll also le...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how nature can become our best teacher and healer. So, what can we learn from becoming more observant of nature? For starters, tolerance, acceptance, harmony and a sense of connectedness. Your congested inner life of anticipations, regrets, and incessant rumination begins to recede as you open yourself up to the outer world around you. Nature doesn't discriminate, we do! Humans are always living in a binary world of good-bad, positive-negative,...

When life feels like an endless struggle, when everything in you is telling you to give up and quit, it seems like you only have one ally—hope. And as valuable as hope maybe, in this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the fact that hope resides in a future expectation of relief and/or resolution. As important as it is to be hopeful about what’s ahead, it’s quite another thing to live that hope in the present. By all means, cultivate a hopeful attitude, but do this in concert with a here...

After doing a wonderful podcast on the value of hope, I realized that I never pressed the record button on our Zoom session! In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I attempt to recover from our faux pas. (fyi: the lost podcast on hope will be resurrected for next week's episode)

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss relationships—especially toxic relationships that chronically deflate us, frustrate us, and worse, depress us. Why in the world do we waste time on people who are toxic for us? You’ll find the answer in Self-Coaching’s technique called “Orbits.” Once you understand your relationship “orbits” you’ll never be disappointed by someone’s shabby behavior again. Never! It’s important to keep in mind that not all friendships are equal. It’s time to spe...

Why do you think we spend so much time procrastinating? One reason is because living effectively in the present requires responsible, here-and-now action. It's a lot easier--and effortless--to imagine taking responsible action, later…or in a few minutes…or tomorrow. Truth is, there will never be a better "now" for purposeful action. In fact, there will never be anything other than "now." When the future does come, it will only be your new "now." Therefore, if not "now," when? And do keep in mind...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how the days, weeks, and months just seem to slip by as we live a distracted, mindless life allowing ourselves to be pulled in all directions but our own. You can begin to learn how to slow down your life by taking a psychological “audit.” Asking yourself, how much time do I spend arguing? Pursuing money? Status? Impressing others? Worrying? And how much time do I spend fortifying and restoring my life each day? Clearly, every life has its dema...

Have you ever been told that you’re too sensitive or that you think too much? How about, “let it go, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” If so, you may be a highly sensitive person. In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss sensitivity with an emphasis on those who tend to be overly, or hyper-sensitive. Although sensitivity can be positive attribute contributing to a depth of feeling and experience, a highly sensitive person, on the other hand, is often prone to rumination and self-criticis...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the value of surrendering to life’s inevitable, unavoidable challenges. Join us as we explore our reflexive tendency to resist change and the value of learning to surrender. So, how do you know when it’s time to surrender? That’s when you begin to realize that holding on and resisting hurts more than letting go. Adjusting to a new normal allows you to regain a healthy perspective rather than chaos in your life. Remember, it’s never life that br...

Ever heard of toxic positivity? Well, I never did either until Lauren told me about it this week. In this Self-Coaching episode, we define toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective attempt(s) to gloss over someone’s struggle by offering such platitudes as, “chin up,” “things could be worse.” Although well intentioned, these cliches can often cause shame or guilt for a person stuck in their struggles who might be feeling stuck and unable to “chin-it-up.” And don’t think these gems of opti...

In this second part of our Self-Coaching series on the psychology of relating in cyber space, Lauren and I continue our conversation, highlighting both the positive and negative aspects social media. There’s no question that social media is here to stay, as long as you have balance between real and cyber relationships and, as long as you’re willing to embrace moderation and mindfulness in your usage, social media can enhance and expand your universe. Just keep in mind that sometimes, when it com...

In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss how our hectic, high-pressure world seems to lend itself to the escape, stimulation, and distraction of social media. There is, however, a downside to squeezing more and more cyber-stimulation into your day-to-day life. When round-the-clock, hyper-connectivity begins to become compulsive, if not addictive, it may be time to hit the pause button and clarify your intentions. There’s no question that social media is here to stay, as long as you ha...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the importance of differentiating normal from neurotic behavior. You do this by asking what’s driving my behavior? Whether it’s getting that closet organized just so, or not wanting to take a day off our exercise routine, how do we define what constitutes “compulsive” behavior? The answer is that when your behavior is driven by positive desire and a tendency toward self-actualization, that’s healthy. And that’s normal. But when your behavior is...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the many reasons why people have difficulty accepting gifts, praise, or acts of kindness. One overarching reason driven by insecurity is ‘over-thinking.’ “Why did she offer to take me?” “He’s just saying he likes me; I don’t buy it.” Another reason is low self-esteem—not feeling worthy. There are many expressions of this problem, including distrust, feeling out of control, fear of strings being attached, feeling awkward, and so on. Isn’t it tim...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how to neutralize negative imprints from the past. Obviously, not all historical imprints are negative, but some are. It’s time to learn to neutralize those reflexive imprints that don’t serve us. How? One-by-one, neuron by neuron, brain circuit by circuit. Yes, you can begin to neutralize these troublesome imprints and habits by training yourself to live according to life’s here and now facts rather than historical, knee-jerk contamination. It...

In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss how to restore and replenish healthy self-esteem. It all begins with a simple truth: there's nothing wrong with you. Never was. You may reflexively balk at this statement especially if insecurity and faulty perceptions of inferiority have been calling the shots, but it happens to be irrefutable. When you put yourself down you diminish your self-worth, you violate you. Stop doing it! Granted, at this point you may not be able to flip from black ...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss emotional triggers. Triggers are any word, person, event, or experience that “triggers” an immediate emotional reaction. Although triggers can be positive reactions to a stimulus, our focus in this episode will be on our negative, knee-jerk reactions that we often come to regret. We’ve all experienced being “triggered” or as they say, having our buttons pushed. Although triggers are reflexive, non-thinking reactions, that doesn’t mean you have ...

How do you handle being stuck in traffic, a slow line at the grocery store, or a slow Internet connection? Are you too impatient? Low frustration tolerance? If so, it’s time to stop torturing yourself when trying to handle life’s inevitable bouts of impatience. Only you can decide if the cost of being patient is worth it, but if it’s worth it, then join Lauren and I in this Self-Coaching episode and learn to begin taming your impatience rather than being victimized by it.

Okay, so you're offended, you're angry, your feelings are hurt, maybe it's time to forgive. Why? Because resentment and anger are poisons that you take. It's like carrying a packpack with a 20 pound weight on your back. Why not simply let it go? One reason is because on some neurotic level, you're wanting to retaliate by "hating" or holding a grudge toward the offending person. Or maybe you're tying to teach them a lesson by being angry, whatever the reason, remember, you're the one carrying the...

In this Self-Coaching episode Lauren and I discuss ways to expand your life beyond your "comfort zone." There’s a saying that goes, 'If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.' The longer you do nothing about what you want out of life, the longer you will live with empty dreams. There's no doubt that wishful thinking can ever replace purpose-driven determination and action. A successful life doesn’t come looking for you, it must be sought, pursued and embraced. This episode will help you f...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss various strategies for managing fear. Fear is an instinctual response to danger (real or imagined). When the danger is real, like with COVID, fear mobilizes our resources to protect us from harm. And this is a good thing. When fear is associated with insecurity, however, then we wind up protecting ourselves, not from actual danger, but from fear itself (the “what-ifs”). When this happens, fear can easily morph into anxiety. How do you tell the ...

How much of a role do genes determine your personality? Your happiness? Can we actually change who we are? In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss how to "reinvent" yourself into the person you want to be and the person you deserve to be. There's a line from a poem that goes, "Stone wall do not a prison make, nor iron bars a gage." Sure, there are genetic predispositions, but there's a lot of wiggle room as to what exactly can and can't be changed in your life. It's not walls, iron b...