Episodes

If you struggle with weight loss and weight mastery, I'm sure you know how easy it is to fall prey to false intentions, rationalizations, or excuses. There’s a big difference, for example, between wanting to eliminate late-night snacking and knowing that you’re going to do it. Wanting to is an excuse that postpones action, going to is the mental action-memo that triggers intentionality. In order to go from wanting to to going to, you have to learn to stop being manipulated by self-sabotaging plo...

--Your brother just got his girlfriend’s name tattooed on his leg and your parents are going to flip out. You find out that a coworker is cheating on his fiancé. --Do you think if you heard this you would feel an urge to tell someone? Damn right you would! In this Self-Coaching episode, we discuss whether gossiping is, in fact, part of our human nature—after all, everyone does it. But why? Why do we do it? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Could our tendency to gossip be harmful to our mental h...

In this Self-Coaching episode, I hope to convince you that emotional liberation doesn’t have to feel like rocket science, in fact Self-Coaching offers a commonsense approach that anyone can understand. If you recognize that habits, all habits, are learned and all habits can be broken, then you’re ready to tackle the habits of insecurity that have hobbled you with emotional struggle.

Do you recall insults better than praise? Do you think about negative things more frequently than positive ones? How about remembering traumatic experiences better than positive? Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone, it’s what psychologists call ‘negativity bias.’ In this Self-Coaching episode, I talk about this totally normal, human tendency to react more strongly to life’s negatives than to its positives. Join me as I explore not only why we are negatively biased but various Self-Coaching strategi...

Here’s a simple Self-Coaching practice that will ensure your relationship’s ongoing sanity. Bottom-up, top-down interventions will solve most relationship conflicts. This is especially true if both partners are employing these strategies. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that the strategy of calming down raw, bottom-up emotions of defensiveness, and replacing them with top-down, insightful thinking is perhaps the single best way to minimize, if not eliminate ongoing relationship stres...

In order to answer this question, we have to appreciate the thin line between anticipating future events and worrying about future events. The essential difference —anticipating versus worrying —has to do with the infusion of insecurity. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll find out why it’s important to take a step back from any life challenge or crisis and ask two important questions: · Is what I'm feeling rational and reasonable? · Is what I'm feeling proportionate or disproportionate to the...

Many people who struggle emotionally look back to their childhood for answers. But what happens when we scour our past only to find a "relatively" happy, loving, nurturing environment without any significant trauma or neglect? The confusion often occurs when, for example, a patient in therapy scours their childhood assuming there must be something-something dysfunctional, alcoholic, abusive, or neglectful — about their parents. You know, the really bad stuff. In this Self-Coaching episode, we’ll...

Next time you feel dead-ended by life, stuck, or overwhelmed by problems and worries, and you just want relief, rather than caving in to your feelings, recognize that you may need only a simple perceptual upgrade —a Self-Coaching "upgrade" that begins with an acknowledgement that just because you feel dead-ended and powerless doesn't mean you are. In this episode you'll learn three Self-Coaching truths designed to provide you with an empowered perspective that will liberate you from needless psy...

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss lying, particularly the ubiquitous, “white lie.” Is it wrong to fudge the truth if, in fact, we’re doing it to be diplomatic? Of course not; it’s what we might call a social lubricant. But when does white-lying cross the line becoming a neurotic problem? Tune in to learn the difference and start to fine tune your life. It’s all about living “correctly” rather than at the mercy of reflexive insecurity.

Traditionally getting older gets a bad rap, but whether you’re in your twenties or your eighties, this Self-Coaching episode will have you looking forward to your golden years with optimism. Admittedly, this sounds like hyperbole—it’s not. Not once you understand that mortality, far from being a disquieting notion, is actually a profound teacher. What can the concept of mortality teach us? You’ll have to listen to this episode to find out; just don’t be surprised if you start to look at growing ...

Anyone who insists on looking for a guru, a shrink, a shaman, or a pill, to liberate themselves from struggle will ultimately fail. Why? Because no one but you can ever topple your destructive habits. When you look for someone to heal you, to take care of you, to make you better, then, like a child, you remain without the full potential power of your maturity. It is exactly this power of personal maturity and self-trust that Self-Coaching promotes. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the wh...

Human beings are vulnerable creatures and when feeling out of control or insecure we instinctively tend to compensate with attempts to gain control and not feel insecure. Insecurity/vulnerability is the root of our struggles and trying to control life is the weed that grows from it. A desire to control life may begin subtly, going unnoticed for years, with no ill effects. But make no mistake: in time, control will act like a weed, overrunning your life with worry, doubt, and fear. Trying to cont...

Do you want to turn your life around? If so, then this Self-Coaching episode will help you recognize whether you have a fixed or growth mindset. A fixed mindset is like having a bicycle with 10 gears, unfortunately if you have a fixed mindset, you’re only using the first gear. You’re afraid to experiment with the nine other gears, why? Because you’re just not sure you want to risk failure. If you happen to be clinging to that first bicycle gear your experience will be limited to peddling along l...

Everyone worries from time to time, but if you’re a worrier or even a worrywart, maybe preparing for the worst doesn’t sound so terrible to you. You may think it’s prudent if not smart. And I wouldn’t disagree if it weren’t for the compulsive, unrelenting worry-loop that gets generated by insecurity and anxiety. There’s a big difference between worrying and being concerned. Concern deals with here-and-now facts, worry deals with emotional fictions, projections of future vulnerability. When, beca...

In this Self-Coaching Valentine's Day episode, Lauren and I discuss the many aspects of love and loving. When Cupid's arrow pierces our heart it sets in motion not only a powerful emotional reaction, but a biological process involving numerous feel-good, bonding chemicals including oxytocin, dopamine, and endogenous opioids--strong stuff! Whether it's physical love, platonic love, flirtation, or parental love, there's no question that human beings are hard-wired to love. Join us as we explore th...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I want you to Imagine that you’re on your patio trying to relax. You notice a cute little pigeon milling about, pecking and minding its own business. Innocently, you toss it a few crumbs from a leftover sandwich you'd been eating. The next day you go out to your patio and within minutes your little pigeon buddy reappears with a companion. Enthusiastically, you throw out a few more crumbs. By the end of the week, you're inundated with hundreds of pigeons ...

A famous line from the comic strip Pogo reads, “We have seen the enemy and he is us.” If you’re at all concerned about whether you, or someone you know, may be too egotistical or narcissistic, this Self-Coaching episode can help. Lauren and I discuss the various shades of egoism and narcissism as it applies to relationships and everyday life.

Whether it’s the pursuit of happiness or simply living a more successful life, in this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I talk about strategies to maximize your chances of reaching your goals. There’s a saying that goes: “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.” The longer you do nothing about what you want out of life, the longer you will live with empty dreams. Wishful thinking can never replace purpose-driven action. A successful life doesn’t come looking for you; it must be sought,...

In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss resiliency--your capacity to recover from difficult life events. Being resilient doesn’t mean you won’t experience difficulty or distress—you’ll never escape the pain of being human. But you can learn to be more resilient! Resilience is like a muscle you can work at becoming more resilient. Start out by becoming more mindful, focus on doing something that occupies your mind and gives you a sense of accomplishment. You may have to force yourself...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss a better approach to making new year's resolutions. Now that it’s 2022 if you’re like most people, you’ve probably come up with a few new year’s resolutions. And why not, the new year brings with it an expectation of wiping the old slate clean and starting anew. We all like fresh starts. And as optimistic as you might be, don’t be blinded by short-sighted, wishful thinking. In order to have those resolutions come to fruition, you need to recogn...

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I address the importance of learning to become more patient. Think of patience as a muscle. The more you seek immediate gratification, the more your patience muscle atrophies. The opposite is equally true, the more you cultivate an attitude of patience, acceptance, and mindfulness, the more your patience muscle grows. With increased patience you feel more in control. Why? Because you’ve decided not to be a victim of that which you can’t control. Acceptin...

Do you ever say, “Today’s not a good day”? Or, “I have to go to work”? Or, “I have to pay the bills”? Life sounds like drudgery, doesn’t it? Before you resign yourself to just “getting through” another day, recognize what you’re doing. For starters, you’re conceding that today won’t be an opportunity for anything worthwhile. We call this a self-fulfilling prophecy--what you tell yourself and what you believe are what you and your life become. In this Self-Coaching episode you'll learn to stop pr...

In this Self-Coaching episode I offer practical, everyday suggestions for living a more effective life. Sometimes, even the most commonsense solutions to life struggles are buried in needless, superficial neurotic distractions. The suggestions in this podcast are meant to awaken in you a deeper understanding and perception of your true potential. By removing the clutter of insecurity-driven, reflexive doubts, fears, and negatives, you open yourself up for the life that awaits you.

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the seven secrets to a successful, happier life. They are: Embracing optimismCultivating hopePracticing presence & mindfulnessFinding the good in peopleRisking Self-trustDefining your personal moralityCultivating a sense of humor Isn’t it time to risk believing in yourself, to stop dwelling in doubt, to manage your fears and worries, and never falling prey to negativity? Remember, it’s never too late to become what you might have been.