Episodes

Traditions and triggers go hand in hand, and at no time is that more prevalent than during the holiday season. Sheri and Matt discuss how triggers and traditions have changed for them over time. They also brag about their credentials, and the talents derived from long toes, in a cringey sort of way. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alc...

We did not set out to record three episodes on the topic of relationship separation, but the response to parts one and two has been overwhelming, so we are proud to bring you this third installment in our unintentional series. Listen for the unmistakable balance of pride, humility, vulnerability and commitment in the voices of our three panelists who all credit the separation demanded by their spouses as being foundational in their sobriety and relationship recovery progress. Sheri and Matt sta...

***Trigger Warning – Talk of Self Harm and Suicide It is common knowledge that alcoholism is a progressive disease in relation to the volume and frequency of consumption. What is rarely considered is that the loved ones of alcoholics lower their own standards in a progressive way as well. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the origins of our baseline standards, progressive deterioration, and how important it is to return to baseline in recovery. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answ...

When is recovery over? When can we call declare success? Sheri and Matt discuss the baseline expectations that everyone deserves to have met in a thriving, loving relationship. They also discuss the expectations that lead to disappointment, and how those unmet expectations are often misdiagnosed as an indication that the person or the relationship isn’t successful in recovery. (And the Chris is Chris Wallace…son of Mike Wallace. (listen and find out)) Join our introductory session of The Develo...

Sheri and Matt welcome Nicole, Lisa, Sarah, Shannon and Kelly to the podcast to share their real-life experiences with separation from their alcoholic spouses. Some of the separations led to divorce. Some of the separations led to sobriety and reconciliation. Some of the separations are new, and some have transpired over years. The two things all of our panelists have in common is that they have experienced the healing power of separation, and they are brave enough to share their stories for the...

Sheri and Matt deal with Matt’s hypocrisy about supporting detachment in alcoholic relationships. up to and including physical separation, when the couple never got separated themselves during his active addiction or recovery. Join our introductory session of The Developing Story for teens who have experienced alcoholism in their households on November 6th. For free access to this session, provide your contact information at TheDevelopingStory.org. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering...

No transition was more important to Sheri’s and Matt’s relationship recovery than when Matt stopped telling Sheri what she was doing wrong and started trying to understand why she felt the way she did. It was a major shift that saved their marriage, and they talk all about it on this episode. Join our introductory session of The Developing Story for teens who have experienced alcoholism in their households on November 6th. For free access to this session, provide your contact information at The...

Comedian and Recovery Coach, Cory Martin, joins Sheri and Matt for this insightful and deep episode That’s right, she’s not just about laughs. Cory pairs humor with some unconventional and well thought out ideas and perspectives including her 7 Active Principles of Conscious Recovery. She challenges some of Sheri’s and Matt’s thinking, and shares stories of how her experiences have informed her innovative ideas. If you like what you hear, check out Cory’s programs for the loved ones of alcoholic...

No. That’s the short version of the title question’s answer. An emphatic, “no,” in fact. But as with most of the world’s hard-to-solve problems, there is much more to the story. On this episode, Sheri and Matt breakdown what happens in a alcoholic relationship breakdown, the roles of the partners, and how the relationship can be repaired. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUna...

Our six panelist share their experiences and perceptions with a wide variety of alcohol addiction recovery programs. Some common themes emerge, like the healing power of finding your tribe, and that when it comes to recovery programs, there is no one size that fits all. Our roundtable discusses the role of science, the role of spirituality, traditional methods, new ideas, large formats, small groups, free resources and programs that are more of an investment in your recovery. If you are not sure...

Sheri and Matt welcome the most special of guests, their daughter, Cathryn, for a return visit to the podcast. This time, instead of working through the heart wrenching experiences of Cathryn’s childhood, like they did on Ep200, they talk through all the details about their newest program: The Developing Story Writing Workshop for teens who have been impacted by alcohol abuse in the family. Cathryn shares how writing her story has helped her process the trauma, they discuss possible writing prom...

Sheri and Matt discuss the personality type that often underlies high-functioning alcoholism. Removing the alcohol doesn’t change the personality, and for Matt, and millions of others, the work of recovery is understanding their discomfort with contentment. Confused much? Give this one a listen. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcohol...

Kim’s nervous system, her mental health and her marriage were all suffering from the trauma of addiction. A happy ending seemed woefully unlikely. But with persistence, fortunate timing and openness to consider different alternatives, Kim’s husband has found lasting sobriety, and theirs is a story of redemption and hope – a story Kim thrives from telling. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to...

Addiction sucks so much of the air from any relationship. Then in early sobriety, recovery work replaces alcohol taking priority over the alcoholic’s family. As recovery continues, that third energy intruding on the relationship morphs into replacement addiction and other family issues. Having something there, the third side of the triangle, becomes a compulsive need in and of itself. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how this has manifested in their marriage, and what they are doing ab...

It’s the story of a romantic courtship and the rekindling of a spark felt when they were in their youth. Bhavini loved him and wanted so badly for it to work that she ignored the red flags that she recognizes only now in hindsight. As she processes her whirlwind experience as the spouse of an alcoholic, she pays tribute to love, learning and a deep thoughtfulness woven through her emotionally moving story. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask th...

Bravery is not just about what you do or say or refuse to tolerate. There is another component. Bravery is also about what you are up against. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss his relentlessness as a tyrannical protector of their family secret, and what bravery was in Sheri’s circumstances. Sometimes, often really, survival is a remarkable display of tremendous bravery. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so,...

Who has the right to tell the story and seek support? When you are involved in an alcoholic marriage, your stories are woven together, and opening up means shame and anger. But it also means relief and healing. How do you find balance? That’s the topic that ten very experienced loved ones explore LIVE from our Echoes of Recovery retreat in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send yo...

Ep200 was Cathryn’s story. Sheri’s and Matt’s insightful and intelligent daughter shared her experiences of growing up with high-functioning alcoholism, and she revealed things on that episode that shocked Matt and confirmed Sheri’s sadness. On this episode, Sheri and Matt react. This is not about defensiveness. This is about the very start of coming to grips with the destruction. Alcohol has no respect for what we want for our children. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’...

What better way to honor our bicentennial episode than with the most special guest in the history of the podcast, Sheri’s and Matt’s daughter. Cathryn describes in painful detail what it is like to grow up in a house with a high-functioning-alcoholic parent. It is amazing how many similarities they discuss between the defense mechanisms of the children and the defense mechanism of the spouses. It is equally eye opening how and why Cathryn kept her truth hidden from Matt for so many years. If you...

There are short-term relapses that last a day or a weekend or a week, and there are long-term relapses that last weeks or months. Can you guess which type of relapse Sheri and Matt have come to believe is more dangerous? Like everything else related to addiction and recovery, the answer is counterintuitive (and worth a listen). Also, Matt guesses right. Kelly Miller’s awesome new podcast is called The Addiction Nutritionist Podcast. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s ques...

She is back with her signature combination of charm, empathy and brutal honesty that many of our listeners recognize from her engaging and informative YouTube channel, Put the Shovel Down. Addiction Counselor Amber Hollingsworth makes a return appearance on the podcast – this time answering questions from lots of our listeners and participants in our Echoes of Recovery group. In addition to her YouTube channel, check out all the resources on her Hope for Families website. If you love or loved a...

This episode quickly devolves into an hour long therapy session for Matt. He and Sheri talk about judgement, shame and hiding, with a healthy dose of religion and spirituality in reaction to a listener question. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, pleas...

Guilt can be a motivator. Guilt can be a moral compass. Guilt is not all bad. But the guilt that builds and festers in a family that is dealing with alcoholism is anything but helpful. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the distinction, and offer suggestions for how we can manage the overwhelming guilt experienced in an alcoholic partnership. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@So...

Back home Again in Indiana, and Sheri and Matt were thrust unexpectedly into the deep end of alcohol impact. If you think addiction is required in order for alcohol to leave painful, traumatic memories, give this episode a listen. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people wh...