Episodes

The bathing suits, blue ocean waves and smiling faces posted to social media don’t tell the true story of vacations for families experiencing alcohol addiction or early sobriety. The truth behind the strained smiles is nothing short of trauma. And the anxiety caused by past vacation implosions can haunt the loved ones for years to come. On this episode, Sheri and Matt are thrilled to host a panel of guests who share their alcohol-impacted vacation experiences. Sheri and Matt start the episode b...

Sheri and Matt talk about the individual pieces of recovery all the time: resentment processing, nervous system stabilization, trust building, intimacy, etc. But until now, they have never put the pieces together on a timeline. In this episode, they lay out what might be expected as you move through the stages of recovery from alcoholism – as individuals, and as a couple. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send...

Seven women who have made the impossibly difficult choice to move on from alcoholism through divorce talk about the challenges and the triumphs of their own personal recoveries. Some had small children, some had grown children and some had no children at the time of divorce. In come cases, their ex-husbands are now sober. In some cases, their ex-husbands are still drinking. Tragically, one of the ex-husbands lost his life to this disease. And while their stories have many differences, all seven ...

Many of the people finding success in the alcoholism recovery community embrace some form of assigning the blame to the alcohol. And yet, so many people who are trying to recover, both the alcoholics and the loved ones, struggle with this concept. On this episode, Sheri and Matt break it down and try to identify the obstacles that keep people stuck: accountability, envy, fear and anger. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something t...

If you are the spouse of an alcoholic, you deserve sobriety. But even once your relationship enters sobriety, you deserve more. You deserve a partner who carries his own weight, and is tough enough to hear the hard stuff. It is not enough to expect what you deserve. You have to be strong enough to demand it. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or lov...

Sheri and Matt break trust down into three components: safety, intimacy and honesty. Trust is the last thing to come back in a marriage that has suffered through alcoholism, and understanding how to work on this tripod of relationship recovery is critical. Don’t underestimate how much harder repair is versus starting over fresh. Also, Matt shows how old he is by sharing lots of stupid sayings that need generational translation (while Sheri rolls her eyes). Sheri and Matt start the episode by an...

The threat of relapse after an inpatient rehab is real, but the threat is coming from more directions than we might understand. Sheri and Matt talk about threats posed by loss of identity, a lack of emotional expression, and the trading of self-care for stress. Be cautious when those 30 days are up. No matter what the calendar or the insurance company says, growth and discovery are never over. Unless, of course, you aren’t opposed to relapse. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a list...

As a drinker, alcohol was an major component of Matt’s identity. And alcohol also influenced how he had fun. Phrases like, “Work hard, play hard,” and, “You’ll get all the sleep you need when you’re dead,” were Matt’s mantras. So when alcohol is foundational to your identity, and play-hard partying is an emotional motivator, how the hell do you know who you are or how to have fun in sobriety? Sheri and Matt have some laughs, and a few tears, tackling this question. Sheri and Matt start the epis...

Did the definitive statement of this episode title get your attention? We know there are strong emotions when it comes to sex and intimacy in relationships impacted by alcoholism, and Sheri and Matt continue to try to navigate their own experiences, stirred together with what they are learning both formally and informally. Matt reveals the identity of his intimacy hero, and Sheri starts the episode with a bold statement about why healthy intimacy is important to her. If you are waiting to tackle...

Get ready to get your nutrition, exercise and healthy habits on with Graham Hawley – certified health and wellness coach, Matt’s soccer buddy and the inspiration behind Sheri’s and Matt’s plan for resentment processing (if you are sick if hearing the couple talk about weekly meetings, this is the guy you can blame). Follow Graham’s excellent videos and other resources @simplyhealthconscious on Instagram or on the web. Now let’s get rolling with some healthy habits and some accountability, and le...

What happens when the person you trust and most rely on for mutual protection becomes the most dangerous person in your life? Does this sound like a setup for Matt to exaggerate? Hear Sheri’s emotion, and decide for yourself. See if you can listen, and still downplay the impact. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your reco...

Warning – Discussion includes talk of self harm. Living with alcoholism means trying to keep the truth a secret. But as alcoholism progresses, the truth seeps out. Sheri and Matt are joined by Mindy and Deb who have both lived with and loved alcoholics, and share traumatic stories of truth. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic,...

Sheri and Matt react to Amber Hollingsworth’s advice from Ep181 about how the spouse of an alcoholic can respond to the behavior of the person suffering from addiction. Their discussion about their real-life experience demonstrates how challenging these relationships are to navigate, and how unprepared we all are for the impact of alcohol on our lives. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to m...

She is an addiction counselor who values the role of the family in the addiction recovery process. She shares a wealth of resources on her Hope for Families website. But many of our listeners know her for her engaging and informative YouTube channel, Put the Shovel Down. She is the one and only Amber Hollingsworth, and to Sheri’s and Matt’s considerable delight, she is our guest on this episode. We cover a lot of ground from what it means to be addicted to someone, to the impact of the trauma of...

Sheri and Matt review Come As You Are, the best-selling book by Dr. Emily Nagoski. They discuss sexual anatomy and how we all have the same parts just organized in different ways. Matt tells Sheri what a clitoris is, and it is worth tuning in for her reaction. They discuss Dr. Nagoski’s explanation of what hits the accelerator, and what hits the brakes, when it comes to desire, arousal, intimacy, and orgasm. And they discuss the incredibly important, and mostly ignored or misunderstood, role of ...

Being on the receiving end of the lies, gaslighting and manipulation of alcoholism can make it tough to feel worthy. On this special roundtable episode, Sheri and Matt welcome five survivors with lived experience who share their successes and challenges in their battles with worthiness. These are all new voices to the podcast, with important, impactful perspectives. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your...

Sheri and Matt are eager to break some of the generational patterns that resulted in underlying causes of addiction for Matt. In this episode, the couple talks about the habits, instinctual reactions and mannerisms that they are trying not to pass along to their kids. It is not enough to tell the children of alcoholics not to get caught in the web of addiction. We have to create an environment (complete with heaping doses of encouragement and self-esteem) that don’t lead to a need to self-medica...

When she found her husband drinking alcohol with their underage kids, the scene triggered an unexpectedly life-changing response. At first, Liz thought it was the last straw. After writing and processing, she realized the present-day scene was a reminder of disappointments and conditioning from her long-ago past. Through writing, Liz has come to a lot of realizations that have led her onto her own path of recovery. Matt starts the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask t...

The answer to this episode title has morphed over the years from: they couldn’t imagine anyone would want to listen to what they have to say, to: “imposter syndrome,” to: groups are dynamic, to: the pressure from expectations for answers sounds sucky. Is that run-on sentence confusing? Listen to the episode, and you’ll understand why you can be a student and a teachers. Listen all the way to the end, and you can hear Sheri’s idea for Matt’s billboard advertising campaign. Sheri and Matt start t...

Eight loving, empathetic, hard-working alcoholism survivors sitting around a big microphone – it’s a roundtable episode recorded during our winter Marriagevolution Couples Retreat in the mountains of Colorado. Two couples are nearing the end of their first year of sobriety, the third couple has over three years, and Sheri and Matt are starting their seventh year. So there is a variety of experiences, opinions and emotions on full display. Clear communication and respect – respect for each other ...

There is no arguing the fact that without alcohol, Sheri and Matt would never have met. It is also an undisputed reality that some of the best times the couple ever experienced were enhanced by alcohol. Now that Sheri and Matt openly despise alcohol for all of the damage it brought to their family, a reconciliation is in order. Before they discuss reconciling the joy and destruction of alcohol, Sheri and Matt answer a listener question about finding confidence and reconnection in sobriety, while...

Blame the alcohol, or the alcoholism, but don’t blame the person. We say it all the time. But what if the blame isn’t just something that occurs once the addiction is firmly in place? What if blame and criticism and attempts to change our partners is one of the underlying causes of addiction? Sheri and Matt discuss the impact of years of mutual criticism and attempts to change each other. And as you’ll hear on this episode, they are much happier now just laughing at each other. Sheri and Matt s...

So you made it through the holidays…well, definitely don’t let your guard down yet. January is really hard in early sobriety, and it is hard for the loved ones trying to avoid emotional relapses. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the emotional drivers from the holidays that impact our self-esteem, and they give tips about what to do to have a mentally healthy start to the year. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too...

On this one-of-a-kind episode, Sheri and Matt have compiled the answers to this simple prompt from 17 participants in the SHOUT Sobriety and Echoes of Recovery groups: What does community mean to you? There are a lot of resonating sentiments and powerful statements in the words of the people who understand the transformational impact of community. To move past the Sheri and Matt introduction to the clips from our people, skip to the 19 minute mark. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering ...