Episodes

Everyone knows childhood trauma or major tragedy often leads to alcoholism. But that was not part of Matt’s story. Matt’s dependence on external validation from career and financial success drove his dependence on alcohol. And Matt’s particular brand of alcoholism led to arrogant highs and slobbery lows of depleted self-esteem and depression. And who was left to deal with the disgusting ups and the pathetic downs? Sheri, of course. In this episode, they talk about how much damage the need for ex...

She was an award winning and highly recruited high school athlete. She received a full-ride division one scholarship to Baylor University for her skills on the softball diamond. And she drank it all away. After a disastrous and drunken freshman season, Amber Graziano was cut from the team. But even drinking two decades of work and dedication down the drain wasn’t the wake-up call Amber needed. Sobriety would have to wait. But now, Amber is making an impactful comeback! On this episode, Sheri an...

Sheri and Matt welcome Dana and Frank to the pocast. This is the first time they have interviewed a couple working to recover their marriage. Frank has over a year of sobriety, and they feel like they are going to make it. But it hasn’t been easy, and they know they are among the rare few who save their marriages in recovery. Frank has a very realistic perspective on the patience required to get there. “The only way I was going to convince Dana this was a long-term fix was by doing it long term,...

The progression into alcoholism is always the same. Sure, some of the details are different, and the ultimate rock-bottom destination – The Pit, as Matt likes to call it – varies from story to story. But the slide downward into addiction is always the same. And the consistency of the story applies to the drinkers and the loved ones alike. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the diabolical nature of recovery for the alcoholic, and the fact that the story of climbing back up is as unique and d...

Doctor’s take an oath to do no harm. When the surgeons operated on Barbara, she was an exception. They knew they risked harming her. Barbara knew it, too, but she sacrificed herself to save the husband she loved. In the end, her sacrifice wasn’t enough to save the marriage. In this painful episode with a hopeful ending, Sheri and Matt are honored to talk to Barbara about her experience with end stage alcoholism, and letting go so she could survive. Barbara’s advice to anyone in a similar situat...

This is the question we hear most often from our listeners, so on this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how she processed this painful decision in their alcoholic marriage. Matt asks Sheri about how the influences of parenting, finances and career, family and friends, community, home life, sex, love and hope impacted her decision to stay. There are no easy answers, but separating instincts from insecurities is a necessity. And while Sheri shocks Matt by not correctly identifying The Clash as the ...

Family communication is fraught with pitfalls whether alcoholism is a factor or not. But with sobriety, we can make progress in our discovery. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss a family communication issue made worse by Matt’s dismissal of Sheri’s concerns and challenges. Ultimately, it was triggering for both of them and reminiscent of behavior from their alcoholic marriage. But Sheri’s instincts persevered, and this story is emblematic of the couple’s progress. In this episode, Sheri and...

Have you ever cheated death? Have you ever had too much to drink, and put yourself in a dangerous situation? Have you ever passed out unable to protect yourself should the need arise? Have you ever left your children in the care of a spouse so drunk he couldn’t possibly answer the call should they need him? Have you gotten away with it despite flirting with disaster so many times? Cheryl Kuechler had flirted with drunken disaster. And had she not chosen sobriety two years ago, she would surely ...

Low self esteem, insecurity and negative self talk – these issues plague so many of us, and they are particularly detrimental to people who love alcoholics and are trying to recover from trauma and codependency. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how women learn to say yes to gain approval and get what they want. Often, strength and real boundaries come when the spouse feels the kids are threatened or neglected. When the wife of an alcoholic prioritizes herself and is her own hero, she does...

Karen’s life did not go as planned. She married the man she loved, and they had four kids together. So far, so good. But when the progression of her husband’s drinking spiraled out of control, she realized she was living through a, “slow-motion car wreck.” To protect her kids, to protect herself, Karen filed for divorce. She reluctantly chose, “the nuclear option,” as she describes it. But here’s the good news, and such an important message for anyone in the same situation. Karen shares that, “t...

Our book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage, isn’t for everybody. It is for high-functioning alcoholics who are considering sobriety, are sober, or should be sober. It is also for the loved ones of alcoholics who need to better understand the disease in order to heal and recover the relationship. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss why this book is important for people impacted by alcoholism. Spoiler alert: It isn’t important because of all the money se...

It’s a Wonderful Life or White Christmas – who has experienced a holiday season that lives up to those perfect pictures of love, family and humanity? Norman Rockwell sets the bar pretty high, yet we still try to measure-up year after year. Add the trauma alcohol brings when mixed with unavoidable holiday stress, and it’s the most terrifying time of the year. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the holiday seasons of his active alcoholism, and also the recent years when alcohol has left the ...

The shame of alcoholism is not reserved only for the drinkers. The loved ones of drinkers feel an enormous amount of shame – for letting it get so bad and for being unable to fix the problems in the relationship. And when the gaslighting of the drinker makes the loved one question her own sanity, the shame mounts to debilitating levels. But there is hope. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the shame they both felt in their alcoholic marriage, and the keys to moving past it and feeling prou...

The anger and resentment from her husband’s drinking was building inside our friend, Traci. If he kept drinking, she faced a selfless and dreadful decision. “I loved him too much to stay and punish him.” Then, she learned of the damage his drinking was having on her. The episode title is not a metaphor. The stress and trauma of Traci’s alcoholic marriage almost killed her. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome their friend to share her story of pain, sickness and rebuilding. Everyone knows alc...

If you’ve ever looked for the root cause of your anger, you’ve probably read or heard that anger is the outward manifestation of fear. There’s wisdom there, but it goes deeper. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the concept of considering what their anger means about themselves. We can’t change other people. To alleviate our own anger, we can leave the situation or we can make changes to ourselves. They talk about how much easier it is to understand this concept than it is to execute it. W...

Alcoholism is so insidious because of how it creeps into relationships and destroys us from the inside. When did my husband turn from a sweet, loving man into such a repulsive tyrant? When did my wife become so nasty and nagging, and why isn’t she interested in me anymore? Even in early sobriety, both parties in an alcoholic relationship are trying to assess blame. Sure, he is an alcoholic, but I am not exactly easy to live with. I know I’ve got to own my drinking, but she turned into a complete...

Sheri and Matt are joined on this episode by a fellow survivor of an alcoholic marriage, their good friend and Denver neighbor, Kate. Just like Sheri, Kate endured years of gaslighting, denial and progressively deteriorating behavior. The three discuss the impact on the kids even when they think they are doing their best to protect the little ones from the trauma. Kate shares her feelings of being stuck without options, and she talks about the isolation of falling out of love with her husband. S...

Sheri and Matt tell the story of the trauma of their wedding. Devastating and heartbreaking? Yes. Unusual? Sadly, no. It was such a shameful event that this is only the second time the couple has shared the story publicly, the first being in their new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage. This episode is emotional. The tears come from the sadness of lost potential, and also how ridiculously common the events that took place just before the couple’s wedd...

Being a part of the alcoholism recovery community is all about putting out fires that are already started. That’s important, but that’s not what this conversation is about. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about preventing the fires from starting – they discuss the two things we need to do as a society and culture to cure the epidemic of alcoholism that afflicts more people than suffer from cancer and kills way more than three million people a year. We need to tie the resulting damage to alc...

If you’ve listened to the Untoxicated Podcast before, you know Sheri’s and Matt’s story is not unique, because you are probably in the middle of a similar trauma. Still, experiencing alcoholism, as the drinker or as the loved one, is a tremendously isolating and lonely place to be. To help you feel less alone, Sheri and Matt invited Jane to share her pain and anger on this episode. Jane talks about how frustrating it is to be in the middle of it and find resources that resonate. There is clinica...

Listeners and readers often share that they can’t imagine their alcoholic spouses reaching the level of clarity that Matt and Sheri share on this podcast. Matt is nothing special, and his mediocrity should inspire others to believe an enlightened recovery from alcoholism is possible. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the heaviness that penetrates everything. Matt runs through his lack-luster life accomplishments, and Sheri rethinks her life choices. They try to lighten the mood and bring ...

As an active alcoholic, Matt thought all of his attempts to control his drinking, his pontifications about how it would be different this time, and his complaints about how bad he felt after a binge, were of interest to Sheri. They were not. In fact, over time, they drove a wedge of resentment into the marriage that would take years to extract. Sobriety didn’t fix anything. When the alcohol was gone, the problems became more obvious. In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk directly to the alcoholi...

After a decade of developing disdain for her alcoholic husband, the disease transformed Sheri into a bit of bitch. And now, looking back, no one is happier about the bitchiness than Matt. Sheri and Matt talk about the internal pain that Matt required in order to finally make it over the hump to permanent sobriety. The alcohol-induced depression and anxiety were debilitating, but the extremely cold shoulder from his wife was painful as well. And it was a major contributing factor in his eventual...

Socializing sober is not just a challenge for alcoholics in recovery. Everyone impacted by this disease has to find a groove in a society that depends on alcohol for all social occasions. In this episode, Matt complains about stinky beer breath while Sheri glares in disbelief that he has the nerve to verbalize such a complaint from the same hole that used to ruminate in stinky beer breath. Matt also makes a regrettable comment about how with a world full of men like him, he’s surprised every wom...