Episodes

How well do you and your spouse travel together? For some, the idea of traveling brings up stress, frustration and annoyance. Your ideas of what the time together are very different, and communication lapses can create additional strain. in this episode, I give you 5 rules to abide by as a couple. These ideas work well if you are traveling together as a couple, with your kids, visiting family or even having a long weekend together at home. There is a certain mindset you have to adopt and certa...

The beliefs you adopt about your spouse, your marriage, and yourself matter. They create a lens by which you see everything you experience. Many times when I'm working with couples, they have biased perspectives. They hold on to disappointments and frustrations of the past, and bring them into their present-day interactions. They focus on what their spouse is doing wrong rather than taking personal responsibility. They stay stuck re-hashing the problem instead of focusing on solutions. In th...

Are you a good student? I've been contemplating what qualities and characteristics help people succeed at things they set out to do. Being good at marriage requires you demonstrate many of the same qualities you do when you are being a good student. I've often said that marriage is a school for becoming who you are meant to be in life. It will require you are clear about what you want, that you have a plan for getting there, and that you use any challenges as the opportunity to grow. Tune in...

Emotional regulation is one of those super skills that will help you improve your communication better than anything else. Having better, more productive conversations is all about how well you and your spouse are able to keep yourselves calm and grounded. When you are emotionally regulated, you are intentional about your words, and able to solve problems and issues on a higher level. When you are emotionally regulated, you can create safety and both offer and receive constructive feedback in...

In this episode, I share with you 7 things I deeply believe as a result of all my years of studying and coaching couples on marriage related issues. These 7 concepts and ideas are the most profound and transformative in truly creating the change you want to see. Listen as I share with you the truths, insights, and ah-has that have helped me personally and my clients to create better marriages. And to learn more about working with me directly, please visit my website at drchavonne.com

In most of the couples I work with, one person has a tendency to shut down in conflict. This creates a wall to connection and understanding. Shutting down, like any reactive behavior is a coping mechanism designed to protect you. However, it creates a block in moving your marriage forward in a better direction. In today's episode, I'm breaking down the 4 most common reasons this happens, and offering you solutions to help you break this unhealthy pattern. We dive into the mindset with specific ...

So many times when I'm talking with women, I see the ways they give up their power. How limiting beliefs for what's possible in their life run the show. What they have to settle for in their marriage because of their husband's issues. How they are reacting to life instead of intentionally CREATING the life they want. In this episode I share with you 5 key distinctions for women who decide on purpose to create a marriage + life they love, vs. women who accept the status quo. If you feel the ...

Self trust is one of the most important skills you can develop. I define it as the ability to have your own back. To know what you want and not doubt it. And to believe you are worthy and deserving of the BEST things in life. It's something that many of us as women don't have enough of. We spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, feeling bad about our lives and marriages, and finding all the ways we don't measure up. In this podcast episode I talk about self srust, how having more ...

Welcome back for Part 2 of the conversation we started last week. Today we are diving into how to address each other 5 Dynamics that keep your marriage stuck. You'll learn both mindset and specific strategies to help you overcome these obstacles that keep you and your partner from having better communication and a stronger connection. As you listen, identify ONE area to focus on for the next week. And if you're ready to work with me in private coaching, there are spots available for new clie...

In the work I do with couples, there are a few dynamics that predictably create issues. These ways of being and interacting with each other can ultimately lead to years of disconnection, resentment and take the marriage completely off course. In this podcast episode, I break down exactly what those 5 common dynamics are and how to recognize if they are happening in your marriage. This week in your marriage be on the lookout for how you and your partner may be falling into these negative patter...

Disappointment is inevitable in your marriage. From a response that you didn't like to lack of follow-through, there will be plenty of times where your expectations are not met by your spouse. In this week's episode, we are talking about the most common examples of disappointment I come across in my practice, why disappointment is so hard to deal with, and the three specific ways people react to disappointment that strain their relationship even more. I provide you with a 6-step process to de...

Today I am taking you deep inside a coaching conversation inside The Marriage UpGrade Virtual Retreat. "What do you do when you know better, but you are still not doing better?" This is the essence of the question one of my brilliant clients asked this past weekend. We talked through the idea of having self awareness of your triggers, yet still choosing to react in ways that are not helpful, and in fact, hurtful to your marriage. In this episode, I break down why sometimes self-awareness is no...

In this episode, I am taking you deep inside The Marriage UpGrade In Person Couples Retreat. If you've been wanting to know what it's like FOR REAL, this episode will give you all the juicy details. You'll learn: -the mindset I adopt when creating this experience for couples -how I prioritize making it a comfortable experience for everyone (introverts and extroverts alike) -the 6 specific principles that guide all of the exercises and activities we do -the changes couples experience in thei...

If you've been interested in joining The Marriage UpGrade, and really want an insider's scoop on what it's like, this episode is for you. I break down some of the juicy details of the first cohort including how many couples joined, the results they created in their marriage, the breakthroughs they got, and their overall impression of the program. After listening to this episode, you'll have a much better understanding of what it's like being in this group, and how it will help you and your mar...

In this episode, we are diving into the topic of regret. This is an emotion and experience that comes up often in marriage. Whether it’s from uncertainty in your match as a couple, hurtful words that are spoken in an argument, or times when you let yourself down, regret can flood in and create a lot of shame and guilt. This episode will help you understand regret in a way that empowers you to grow instead of spiraling into negative thoughts about yourself, your spouse and your marriage. I sha...

How much of a friend are you to yourself? Which voices have more weight in your head- the negative self-critical ones, or the loving, kind, and understanding ones? Which one you give more airtime to matters immensely. In this episode, I define Self-Compassion and why it's so important for everyone embarking on any marriage improvement process. I break down the 5 most common situations where self-compassion is ESSENTIAL and give you practical examples of what it looks like to choose self compa...

This is 46. I recently celebrated my birthday and found myself conflicted at how to respond to the many text messages and calls from loved ones wishing me the happiest celebration. I am so grateful for my life AND have also been surprised by how down my emotions have felt the past couples of days. For many of us, we expect to "arrive" in our forties. To feel more confident and self assured. But less talked about are the feelings and thoughts we can experience that make us feel inadequate, unc...

Feeling annoyed with your spouse is a normal, common thing that all couples experience. There is no shame in acknowledging and recognizing this. The better you are at understanding and processing emotions like annoyance, frustration and irritation, the better you can deal with any trigger in your marriage. In this episode, I’ll teach you my 5-step process that explicitly answers the question, “what do I do when I’m so annoyed with my spouse?” You’ll walk away with a better understanding of t...

Vulnerability is one of the most important skills to develop in order to have a deep and meaningful connection with your spouse. The more vulnerable you are, the more you allow them to truly see, understand and accept you. Yet, there are so many factors AGAINST us being vulnerable in marriage. In this podcast episode I talk about why it's hard to be vulnerable, how to overcome those challenges, and offer some initial questions and steps to take in order to create more vulnerability in your ma...

How well do you know yourself? It's an important question to consider. The degree to which you truly know, understand, and acknowledge yourself is an important factor in how satisfied you will be in your marriage. When you deeply know yourself, you can live a life that is truly aligned and brings you fulfillment. You are less dependent on your spouse NEEDING to show up a certain way. Your emotions are more regulated and you are less likely to argue, lash out or shut down in conversations. Know...

Today is Valentine’s Day. No matter how you are feeling about your spouse and marriage today, I want to invite you to experience and lead with love. On the podcast today, we are diving into the question, “what would love do?” I share some of the most common situations and experiences couples encounter that make it difficult to lead with love in the traditional sense - being kind, loving, and reaching out to each other for connection. If you struggle to lead with love when it feels like your ...

This week on the podcast I’m sharing with you one of the tools I teach inside The Marriage UpGrade. While we definitely want to get you to a place where you are arguing less, disagreements will still happen. Sometimes your emotions WILL get the best of you, and so knowing how to recover and repair is an essential skill for every couple. Tune in as I break down what repairing really is and the MINDSET to make coming back together so much easier. In this episode, I offer the specific thoughts to...

In the moments when you and your spouse argue, you are getting that short term relief. You have the last word. You get your point across. You hammer in on what they are doing wrong. But have you ever considered the lasting impact of your arguing? In this podcast episode I’m sharing the 5 unintended consequences of arguing with each other. I define the 3 types of arguing I see most commonly in my practice, and then walk you through the long-term effects that your arguments are having on your m...

Over time, a lot of negative thoughts can accumulate about your spouse. And just like the trash that needs to be taken out regularly, your mind needs to be cleared of the stinky thoughts you have about each other. In this podcast episode, I share with you the process I teach my clients inside The Marriage UpGrade, that helps them to see each other in a more positive light. You'll also learn about the Balanced Thinking concept, and exactly how you can apply this idea to a real scenario in your ...