Episodes

The opposite of love is something OTHER THAN HATE. And when Lori stopped crying? That's when Jay finally got scared. In this raw 26-minute conversation, Lori ask Jay 12 Questions about what really went through his mind when he saw her crying over his betrayal. His answers reveal the uncomfortable truth about damaged empathy, hardened hearts, and why Lori’s silence terrified him MORE than her tears ever did. They also cover what EMOTINAL MATURITY is… and isn’t. What you'll discover: • What Ja...

HONEST QUESTION: Did you ever think 'SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE ME, so I can keep doing this'? - Most partners wonder if their addict secretly believed they could get away with it forever. In this brutally honest conversation,

When addicts first get caught, most expect their partner to just move on: “I'm sorry! I quit! let's never talk about this again!” But here's the brutal truth: that mindset destroys any chance of real healing. In this raw conversation, Jay reveals what he expected Lori to just get over shortly after D-Day, and why that expectation was completely backwards. We break down: • WHY ADDICTS RESIST talking about it • The SILENT TACTICS keep partners trapped • What "PROACTIVITY" actually means in rec...

Jay explains many deception tactics he used to hide his addiction. From robotic denials to fake confusion, playing dumb to calculated outbursts, this video exposes the manipulation patterns that betrayed partners recognize but often can't prove. It also covers: -Specific moments Lori caught him using these tactics -Addicts’ delusions and brain fog -Calculated timing of confessions -Partial truths If you're a betrayed partner questioning your sanity or an addict wondering how long your tacti...

In this compelling episode, we tackle the challenging subject of emotional avoidance and addiction recovery. Jay opens up about his struggles with feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and boredom, which led him to turn to porn. We discuss the importance of facing these emotions head-on, rather than fleeing from them, as well as HEALTHIER coping mechanisms and the significance of accepting, rather than resisting, life's emotional challenges. We start with testimonials from listeners that un...

Jay opens up about the internal voice telling him to confess his porn addiction - and why he actively chose to ignore it for years. We explore: • The pattern of CALCULATED DELAY • What that "voice of truth" actually sounds like • The PERSONAL COSTS of ignoring God's promptings • The split-second decision between truth and silence • How SILENCE IS NEVER NEUTRAL • When lying feels holy If you're struggling with porn addiction, betrayal trauma, or wondering whether to come clean about your s...

In this raw conversation, we expose why the lies addicts tell and the beliefs they hide behind increase betrayal trauma. Jay opens up about the shocking justifications for his deceit and the internal struggles he faced while battling addiction. We cover two ways to COMBAT THE DELUSION of 'protecting' a partner from the truth. Lori asks about the deep-seated beliefs that shaped his actions, and stay until the end in for an eye-opening conversation on spiritual values, as well as a behind the scen...

After 15 years of addiction, lies, and hiding, Jay finally found BROKENNESS. Not in a loud, dramatic crash, but in a quiet, rock-bottom moment where he just couldn’t keep lying about it... not to his wife, and not to himself. In this video, we unpack THE MOMENT everything shifted, the darkest time in our marriage. We also cover the exact truths that went through Jay's mind at that moment, what finally broke the cycle, and what actions keep him sober to this day. If you're stuck in addiction or...

What does real intimacy feel like after betrayal, addiction, and years of rebuilding trust? In this episode, we open up about how Jay’s ability to connect has changed over time — from fake vulnerability and performance to HONEST EMOTIONS and simple, humble presence. Jay shares how he used to seek physical intimacy to avoid emotions, and how healing has redefined what closeness feels like. We talk about the risks of being emotionally naked, the power of GIVING SACRIFICIALLY, and how intimacy now...

‘I thought intimacy was just sex—until I started recovering from porn addiction.’ In this video, Jay shares how ONE POWERFUL TOOL helped him heal our relationship, create real intimacy, and start feeling connected in a way he ‘didn’t think was possible’ when healing from his porn addiction. We also bring up a caution or two, providing guidance on how to implement this tool depending on where you are in your own healing journey. Whether you're early in your journey or years into recovery, this t...

In this episode of the Couple Cure Podcast, we dive into the complexities of intimacy (OUTSIDE the bedroom) when Jay was in active addiction, the challenges of seeking validation, and the impact of hidden lives on self-worth. Through personal stories, we discuss the hardships faced due to perceived inadequacies, and how addiction can distort the perception of love and intimacy. We also set the stage for further exploration of what true intimacy means as they heal together in future episodes. 00...

Jay confesses something he’s never told anyone before: One way he lied to keep his addiction hidden. (Hint: it’s one thing some addicts do to keep their secrets.) He’s also asked if he thinks that tactic would have passed a polygraph. We also share a few techniques that might help in this situation. And stay until the end to see us in a real-life moment. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:31 What is one lying technique Jay used that he’s never told anyone about? 2:15 Would he have passed a lie detecto...

In this episode, I ask Jay if he will answer some difficult question this season—questions like: --What are some tactics he used to get away with lying for so long? --How did he pretend to change--without really changing? --Was there a time he almost told the truth, but continued lying instead? --What emotions was he avoiding? --How did he feel when his accountability partners let him off the hook? --What is one thing he wants betrayed women to know? --Could he tell his heart was hardenin...

In this, our last episode of Season 5, we address six ways to help you find out if you’ve been given the full truth / signs he might still be lying. We also cover what pressure can do to some addicts. (A big THANK YOU to everyone who submitted questions for this season. Thank you, especially, for allowing us to be a small part of your healing journey.) Timestamps: 0:00 Intro and Viewer Question 1:05 It depends on what you’re looking for 2:21 General & ACTIVE self-deception 3:32 First: Ask ...

In this episode of The Couple Cure, Jay tackles the question: 'How serious do I need to be about my recovery?' Using his own history and insights, he discusses the inevitable challenges and pushbacks you will face when you commit to a change, especially in the context of addiction or betrayal recovery. He emphasizes the importance of STARTING IMMEDIATELY, and understanding that obstacles will always be present. He also highlights the crucial role of certain life adjustments to stay on the path t...

Summary: Rebuilding Trust through Tangible Evidence of Change after Lies In this episode, we respond to a wife’s question about the importance of seeing tangible evidence in her husband's growth process. We discuss the importance of PROACTIVE steps in behavior change, and share our own personal story after Jay had lied over 1000 times. The episode explores various ways to rebuild trust, like taking notes during counseling sessions and talking about that with the wife. It also includes several B...

In this episode, recorded on New Year's Eve, we discuss the importance of having a solid plan to ensure your new year is better than the last. We delve into specific steps for making effective New Year's resolutions and highlight the significance of focus and new behaviors in achieving different outcomes. The episode offers guidance for addicts and their partners on formulating plans that go beyond mere intentions, and include practical action steps for accountability and sustained change. Time...

In this episode, we explore how addicts truly change by focusing on the impact of experiencing true pain and loss. Divided into two parts—one for non-Christians and the other for Christians—we discuss the significance of giving up power, inspired by scripture, to become truly healed and dependent on God. With references to personal anecdotes, men’s magazines, 12-step programs, and the idea of renouncing 'boss' culture, the script emphasizes humility, acceptance of weakness, and the power of comm...

***Trigger Warning for Alcoholics in Recovery*** In this episode, Jay addresses a common question addicts may have, along the lines of, “Will I have to pay for this forever?” He answers with the truth: After trust is broken by betrayal, it depends on how well the addict owns his part in her pain… and tries to aid in her recovery. 0:00 Introduction 0:21 Other forms of this question and initial answer 0:46 She doesn’t limp (a real life example) 2:00 Jay’s words to wives 3:01 Solutions for ad...

In this episode, we address a difficult question from a viewer about a lack of physical touch in her marriage, even while undergoing chemotherapy. We delve into the possible reasons behind her husband's behavior, including possible emotional retaliation or unresolved trauma. There is also compassionate advice on how to explore personal needs and desires, and questions to ask as you seek the right guidance to make informed decisions about the future, while we also emphasiz the importance of under...

If you have ever been called a Drama Queen, this episode may help heal the sting of that label. But first, Jay and Lori tackle the issue of being flooded with bad memories right as you get close to forgiving him—even if your relationship has healed the broken trust. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro & Question 0:52 Forgiving unrepentance? 1:41 Guys, if someone is against you… 2:35 Solution: Do these things proactively 3:25 Staying near him? 4:18 Intrusive Thoughts 5:05 Like-minded women 6:05 “But s...

***Trigger Warning: Given the sensitive nature of this topic, please proceed cautiously.*** Jay and Lori tackle the struggle of not feeling physically desired by the husband. They explore the intricate dynamics of femininity, desire, and physical appearance within a marriage. The discussion delves into misconceptions about desire versus lust. Lori shares her personal journey of reclaiming her own femininity, and how it started with unlikely sources. The episode also addresses the risks of a guy...

Description In this short video, we discuss the issue of anger and withdrawal/retraction, and we’ll cover what it looks like as the addicts we work with recover and learn new skills. At the end, we’ll also give *one of the signs that the recovery is real* for you to look for. Timestamps 0:00 Intro and Question 0:22 They are two different issues (the bigger monster) 1:31 Anger is one of the first to come back (reconnecting AND a "cover") 2:24 Going beyond "I'm 90 days clean" 3:11 Withdrawi...

In this episode, we discuss why you might feel the need to bring up past betrayals even years later. We explore what it means if you can’t stop talking about it. Plus, we offer advice for the guys on how to have these difficult conversations, and give you alternative options if your partner doesn’t want to talk about it. 00:00 Introduction 00:16 It’s a sign 03:23 When guys say, “But you forgave me!” (absolution) 04:22 When to stop talking about it? (90% trust) 05:18 Yes, keep talking, but… ...