Episodes

(*Trigger Warning for the Final Section*) This heartfelt and candid video delves into a sensitive topic that some women struggle with: “Why do some husbands choose recovery while others do not. Is that about the wife… is that about me?” Prompted by a deeply vulnerable question from my client, MB, I explore various factors that might influence a man's decision to commit to recovery—coping mechanisms, risk and vulnerability, as well as the impact of past trauma—in an effort to help you put a few...

Jay and Lori talk about the typical time it takes for an addict to readjust sources of dopamine, as well as why it can take longer… or shorter. Timestamps 0:00 Intro & Question 0:18 What the experts say 0:36 Solution: What helps it end overnight 1:13 When you should go longer -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction r...

In this short video, we answer to the question, “Do all strugglers relapse” as well as the top two things partners can do if the addict keeps relapsing. We’ll also share one of the first things addicts have to do in order to overcome porn. Timestamps 0:00 Introduction and first question 0:21 The first thing a guy has to do to quit porn 0:37 Top 2 things a partner can do (and do they work?) 1:24 Are our breathing techniques posted online (and why) 2:11 What we do with our clients -- https...

Join Jay and Lori Pyatt from The Couple Cure as they tackle two questions about screen addiction and boundaries for devices. In this short video, they discuss image addictions, strategies for effective accountability, and appropriate boundaries—including boundaries Jay holds himself to—as well as practical advice to help you navigate this challenging issue. Tune in to learn more about creating a balanced, tech-conscious home. The phone I use can be found here: Gabb Phone TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Intr...

Struggling with tips that don’t help you HEAL? Maybe God has a unique plan for you, one that is key for long-lasting and UNBREAKABLE FREEDOM and JOY. Learn why your journey is different… and why that’s to your greatest ADVANTAGE. Watch to reveal this EXTRA-ordinary path. Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome! Let’s get moving… 0:47 Solution: A proven strategy for Trauma Healing 0:59 Exploring the backstory (fun, deep and CREEPY) 3:45 The first answer revealed (how to live) 4:35 The Ultimate Answer reve...

This video offers a compassionate and practical approach to navigating an addicts relapse and lack of remorse, providing you with ways to foster healthier relationships. Join in and discover what JV does to find strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro & Question 1:33 Main Answer Explained 2:55 First steps 3:25 When intuition suggests success 4:10 Rejecting this... (if he won't talk to you) 4:57 A needed type of physical touch 5:37 Steps for your toughest ...

If someone in your life says THEY CAN’T HELP HOW THEY ACT in relationship because of what happened to them in the past, we cover one way to tell, and offer a few solutions. Note: while this video is in response to someone’s question about their husband [after a CSAT said ‘disclosure would be a waste of time,’] the concepts can be used in your other relationships as well. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: Disclosure a WASTE OF TIME due to…? (“EMOTIONAL INVALID”) 0:55 I explain EMPATHY Da...

Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? *Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn’t understand what you were going through, we'll share some signs to know it might be safe to trust the relationship again.* While this video is not a definitive list, it covers 1...

***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it’s just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.*** Ever wonder if you’ll know when you’ve healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? This video covers many signs Lori noticed in her own life, and that our clients exhibit as they recover as well. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro and *Disclaimer* (and what to expect) 1:04 1-Your creativity will… 3:05 2-Techn...

Sometimes addicts answer with “I don’t know” to questions like, “when did it start?” “how often?” and “did you ever see ___?” And his not knowing can leave the betrayed partner feeling very skeptical. Is it possibly he really doesn’t remember? This video dives into that question. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: Do porn addicts really not remember some specifics? 0:23 What one CSAT said (it IS possible) 1:21 Jay’s memories 1:44 When betrayed partners have to ask just the right questio...

Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We’ll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy way to see if you’re edging) this video can help you increase your self-awareness and decrease your dependency, and also support your wife’s healing. Oh, and here is the link to the vide...

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think? 0:26 Lori’s thoughts (what she told one friend) 0:48 You can stay and have a really good life 1:01 Solution 1: God / ...

In our work, we have seen some husband’s who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation. 0:00 Intro & Question 0:34 When the husband thinks, “My apology should be enough!” 0:50 One early professional opinion 1:13 Solution for partners (and what the addict can do) 2:16 The main go...

There are many things I wish I had known right after D-Day… things that would have helped me recover more quickly. In this video, I cover several of them, and Jay gives extra input from the addict-who’s-found-sobriety point of view. (Please note: We do not condone hitting your spouse. If this is happening, please reach out to your local shelters/authorities.) Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:23 Coming down hard on yourself regarding boundaries 0:55 I’m in!!! I’m out!!! (what many guys do with this a...

In this video, we discuss a difficult topic, so if you’re not up for that right now, feel free to come back later. But it’s happened often enough over the last several years we thought we would cover it. And that hard reality is this: marriages in this particular helping community have been ending, or there’s been hidden relapse. It’s a serious topic, but we strive to give you some hope. - Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:10 How this season will go 1:41 Marriages in this field are ending (relapsing...

What caused Jay to take all of this more seriously (even if he felt attacked)? And what would cause Matt to say, “This is stupid!” We cover both of those here, in this LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:19 Did Jay feel like doing those things when he felt unfairly attacked? * 2:59 One Solution: Giving guidance vs “This is stupid” * 4:11 Jay took it more seriously because he knew this… 4:52 One Solution: How we phrase it i...

Transitioning from dating to marriage has its challenges, even without addictions. But healing a relationship after betrayal is even more challenging. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier–without resenting your spouse–especially if you’re trying to rebuild trust. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:11 It doesn’t take much 1:06 What some guys resent 1:46 The counselor told Jay, “You can’t crank her up like a machine and expect…” ...

Rebuilding trust takes more than honest answers to the questions you are asked. You have to share what is going on for you without being prompted. This is huge in rebuilding trust after betrayal. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:12 Not lying but not sharing (this) either * 2:37 One Solution: Share thoughts & feelings for connection 3:41 One Solution: Openness vs honesty to rebuild trust * 5:36 Matt’s lightbulb moment: “It meant we weren’t freaks” ...

Connection doesn’t just happen. You have to make plans and create opportunities to connect. This episode shows specific ways to do this that may work better for both partners. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:24 Because it was majestic or because it was shared? 1:29 One Solution: Face-to-face and Shoulder-to-shoulder * 4:03 From intense talks every night to resting * 6:27 The ‘majestic or shared’ question answered 8:05 One Solution: Porn use para...

This video covers some brain science behind video games. We also discuss how Jay replaced his entertainment addiction with a bigger life so he could finally feel satisfied. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:21 The brain science? (It simulates success) * 1:46 Distraction due to trauma? (What many addicts do) 4:01 Lori to Jay: “You can’t sit still” 4:32 How to create something healthier 5:07 The doctor said, “Video games WILL affect his mood” 5:38 ...

This episode covers video games and hobbies, and how being distracted by learning things can harm trust restoration. We also discuss how entertainment actually helped our relationship. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:11 How video games affected our marriage 1:42 I couldn’t entertain him 2:55 One Solution: Watch out for dissociation * 5:45 Distracted by learning (but not applying) 7:37 Solutions: Some refreshing time is needed (when distractions ...

In this video we discuss two addictions we haven’t covered before, as well as 2 different kinds of values. WE also discuss the issue of faking vulnerability. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 Video games and hobbies (where we invest our time in relationships) 0:39 Stated Values vs Lived Values (“not demonizing those activities”) * 2:51 This can lead to even more broken trust 3:44 Stated values may be about our image 4:21 One Solution: Stated va...

How do you know if you should stay or go? And what would cause Lori to say, “I am more important than ___”? We discuss those topics with author and coach, Matthew Fray, as well as what if he never gets it? TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 What Matt would have told Jay and Lori to do back then 1:24 One Solution: Where to draw the line between staying or going? * 4:22 One Solution: Support network (and being validated) * 5:54 The guy may eventual...

In this conversation with Matthew Fray, we discuss different viewpoints if it appears the guy isn’t ‘all in.’ We also cover one thing Lori HAD to start trusting Jay would do. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 If he (or she) doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore… * 3:07 When guys don’t want to change (instead adding lies) 4:55 What if he’s not 'all in' * 8:39 "I had to start trusting that he would hurt me" 10:11 One Solution: A differen...